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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

387 replies

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:47

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags.

The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men.

After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed.

AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 21/12/2025 07:25

I wish my world was this simple and innocent.

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:25

why do some of you feel need to be so horrible? Hope it brightens your day.

OP posts:
DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 07:24

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:22

@DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat why would I complain about topless men at beaches? This is a totally different situation and you know it.

Its not though, is it? The man was stood there with no top on, presumably hot? He wasn't been threatening. Its no different to the beach or the gym...

...and you know it 🙄

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:22

@DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat why would I complain about topless men at beaches? This is a totally different situation and you know it.

OP posts:
DeadlyDozen · 21/12/2025 07:21

Don’t ever do a hyrox competition!

kimf1963 · 21/12/2025 07:21

TrippingOverMyAssets · 21/12/2025 07:02

It must have been quite traumatic. Perhaps take some smelling salts with you next time.

🤣😂 I hope she was clutching her pearls too

Owly11 · 21/12/2025 07:21

I think you can have a quiet word with the choir leader asking them to make a note at the next concert to remind people where they can and can't get changed. In my experience these crammed rooms after a performance are too small and it is polite to grab stuff and leave quickly to make room for others. It isn't appropriate to loiter and definitely not to get changed. A notice to all next time saying 'bags and coats are to be left in x room. The room is small so please be considerate of other users and grab your stuff as quickly as you can. Do not use it to change in - please use the toilets if you need to get changed before or after the concert'

Pricelessadvice · 21/12/2025 07:20

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:05

@PricelessadviceI'm not being ridiculous. What may be true though is that I have suffered most kinds of male abuse over the years and I can't tolerate this kind of low level shitty behaviour that absolutely doesn't need to happen.

Is a bloke taking his top off in the corner of a changing/storage room abuse? Maybe he was just going to change his top but was doing that usual bloke thing of being very slow about it.
Kindly, I think you have some issues to address based on your history.

Are you offended by topless men at swimming baths too?

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:20

@Gallowayan yes. I have no idea why he took his top off our uniform is a t- shirt and trousers. He may have been going on somewhere else but the room we were in wasn't a changing room and he was the only man in there.

OP posts:
SophieJo · 21/12/2025 07:19

TrippingOverMyAssets · 21/12/2025 07:02

It must have been quite traumatic. Perhaps take some smelling salts with you next time.

😂😂😂

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 07:18

Do you complain about topless men at beaches?

Horserider5678 · 21/12/2025 07:18

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:56

@upthenorthmy feeling was that he was being topless for the sake of it.

so he took his top off, big deal! It’s not like he was standing there displaying his manhood! It sounds like you need some counselling as this has clearly triggered something in your past!

Gallowayan · 21/12/2025 07:16

I actually agree that it's inappropriate and odd and possibly attention seeking. Why was he taking his shirt off?

Ooodelally · 21/12/2025 07:16

In many performance type hobbies it is quite usual for people to get changed in front of one another, amateur dramatics, dance groups etc. if he is in other similar hobby groups he may have just assumed your choir is the same. It wouldn’t bother me at all but of course you can tell your choir leader if it bothers you ans they can remind everyone of your particular groups expectations for future performances.

pictoosh · 21/12/2025 07:15

"some people say you are being over-sensitive but i know the type of men who push boundaries a little as they enjoy it"

True...there are men like that. Trick is to starve them of the thrill they seek by ignoring them.

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:14

@redmountain thank you. That's exactly it.

OP posts:
Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:13

At no point have I said it was traumatic or a threat. Of course it wasn't. That isn't my point. It's the male belief that it was ok to do it. He knew exactly what he was doing. Pathetic.

OP posts:
redmountain · 21/12/2025 07:11

I would have found that very odd too. My husband or teenage son would understand this is a weird thing to do and not do it.

I would let this one go but keep my distance.

some people say you are being over-sensitive but i know the type of men who push boundaries a little as they enjoy it.

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:09

@TrippingOverMyAssets that was uncalled for. Hope you feel better now.

OP posts:
sharkstale · 21/12/2025 07:08

TrippingOverMyAssets · 21/12/2025 07:02

It must have been quite traumatic. Perhaps take some smelling salts with you next time.

🤣

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:07

I agree though. I won't do anything about it as it's a pointless exercise. It just pisses me off so much that he considered it ok to use an area put aside for belongings to get his top off in a roomful of women. Looks like I'm in the minority of thinking this is weird.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 21/12/2025 07:05

I wouldn’t have been offended. Assume he wanted to get changed before he went somewhere else. Maybe he should have gone to the toilets but not a big deal imo.

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:05

@PricelessadviceI'm not being ridiculous. What may be true though is that I have suffered most kinds of male abuse over the years and I can't tolerate this kind of low level shitty behaviour that absolutely doesn't need to happen.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 21/12/2025 07:03

As I do not fear the human body, I wouldn't have blinked an eye...even if he was doing it for attention.
Ignore it.

TrippingOverMyAssets · 21/12/2025 07:02

It must have been quite traumatic. Perhaps take some smelling salts with you next time.