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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

387 replies

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:47

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags.

The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men.

After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed.

AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

OP posts:
Mademoidame · 21/12/2025 07:36

Often at choir concerts there is not only a very small space shared by everyone, but also only one toilet shared between 100+ performers. He would be unreasonable to occupy the only toilet changing while a queue of people waited with their legs crossed! Honestly I have sung in so many choirs where changing is mixed sex and cramped, due to the performance conditions. In a church, those 100+ performers can be changing in a choir vestry meant for 20. It's a non issue. And singers are often huggy types.

Hundslappadrifa · 21/12/2025 07:35

I’m sorry but you really are being ridiculous. He was hot after the show, he took his top off to cool down. In a corner of a changing room! How do you get through life? This is a non problem.

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:35

I have no problem getting reasonable responses from people who don't agree with me and I expect that. However I'm getting responses that are taking the piss out of me. No need for that.

OP posts:
Busybeemumm · 21/12/2025 07:34

I agree with you OP. It's male privilege and entitlement thinking they own every space.

gannett · 21/12/2025 07:34

Men don't usually need to take themselves away to a separate space just to change their top. There aren't many situations where I'd bat an eye at this. A bag storage room seems utterly fine.

I assume he was just changing his top and not just being topless for the sake of it, which would be quite odd.

Did he have a nice body?

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 07:34

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:31

@DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat why don't you just go away now? You've made your point very clear and you're very unpleasant.

Ahhh yes. Let's make a thread for people's opinions and when somebody doesn't agree, we'll have a strop about it.

greenpurplesocks · 21/12/2025 07:33

If he’d been standing there with his penis on display you’d have a point. As it’s just his bare chest, you need to let it go.

InterestedDad37 · 21/12/2025 07:33

Personally I wouldn't do the same (I occasionally sing in mixed m/f choirs, and am man 🎵🙋) - for two reasons, firstly lack of confidence in my own body (I'm a bit heavier than I'd like to be), plus it just lacks consideration for others there, particularly the women. It absolutely is NOT the same as beach/pool where you expect to see blokes with no top on. I think it's a bit gross, even if he had a decent bod.

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 07:33

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:29

@GnomeDePlumethats my point! So sick of men trying to assert their male dominance in this way. He stood their for ages, right in the middle of a tightly packed room.

You’re embellishing this now…

RedToothBrush · 21/12/2025 07:32

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:29

@GnomeDePlumethats my point! So sick of men trying to assert their male dominance in this way. He stood their for ages, right in the middle of a tightly packed room.

I think you need some help if you think this is a display of male dominance. Genuinely.

It's not like there's a shortage of actual examples of male dominance.

I really can't even get OUTRAGED FROM TUNBRIDGE WELLS levels of horror from this.

PollyBell · 21/12/2025 07:31

I hope he kept his ankles hidden, next he would swinging them from the chandeliers

fouroclockrock · 21/12/2025 07:31

if he was changing, it would be fairly quick unless he was feeling ill or something. How long was he standing doing nothing? Did he say anything? It does sound a bit strange to be honest.

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 07:31

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:25

why do some of you feel need to be so horrible? Hope it brightens your day.

You’re getting responses that you don’t like, people saying they don’t agree with you! You sound like a petulant child calling them “horrible”!

Personally I think you’re being ridiculous, he was just getting changed. I doubt he was doing it to offend or upset anyone.

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:31

@DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat why don't you just go away now? You've made your point very clear and you're very unpleasant.

OP posts:
DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 07:31

LeafyMcLeafFace · 21/12/2025 07:29

@DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat
i love your user name and am reading it in Hyancinth’s voice

Hahah thankyou 😃 also proud to say my daughter loves watching it too and she's only 4 😂

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 07:30

Pricelessadvice · 21/12/2025 07:20

Is a bloke taking his top off in the corner of a changing/storage room abuse? Maybe he was just going to change his top but was doing that usual bloke thing of being very slow about it.
Kindly, I think you have some issues to address based on your history.

Are you offended by topless men at swimming baths too?

Show quote history

The difference is that there is an expectation to see topless men at the pool/beach. Not so much in what’s basically a cloakroom.

LeafyMcLeafFace · 21/12/2025 07:29

@DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat
i love your user name and am reading it in Hyancinth’s voice

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:29

@GnomeDePlumethats my point! So sick of men trying to assert their male dominance in this way. He stood their for ages, right in the middle of a tightly packed room.

OP posts:
DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 07:29

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:27

@DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHatSo why weren't any women do the same. Come on! These are mostly middle aged menopausal women !

Because clearly they didn't want to!

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 07:28

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:25

why do some of you feel need to be so horrible? Hope it brightens your day.

Perhaps ask yourself that question. He was topless. He wasn't standing there, waving his penis around as the final act. Complaining about a topless man is very unnecessary.

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:27

@DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHatSo why weren't any women do the same. Come on! These are mostly middle aged menopausal women !

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 21/12/2025 07:27

If he was just quickly changing his top I wouldnt think too much of it.

But to stand around topless in that setting sounds performative. He wanted to be noticed which sounds like a dominance thing.

My DH will take his top off to do physical work, say on our allotment. However, when he comes off our plot he will put his top back on.

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 07:27

Just to clarify, he did get changed, but he took a long time to put another top on?

LeafyMcLeafFace · 21/12/2025 07:26

I think the fact that most people don’t see the issue with this shows that for whatever reason, your emotional response is unusual / extreme.

You can do whatever you want about the situation, but I think you posted here to check out if others agree with you. It’s clear that they don’t. So only you can decide what you want to do about that

NoisyViewer · 21/12/2025 07:26

He wasn’t being threatening he just had his top off so why would you report him? I don’t get it other than you found it annoying. He was in the corner of the room not prancing around the middle. You were all wearing an outfit it’s reasonable to suggest he was just getting changed.

You have been victim of male abuse & whilst that’s awful you can’t project that on others & especially if they wouldn’t know. I would get some therapy for that abuse. I think it’s highly unfair to report him you said no one was impressed so why not just have a giggle about it if you thought that was his intentions. Honestly, I would probably put it in the memory bank & see if anything odd happens in the future but I most certainly wouldn’t make a complaint on this alone. You’ll be basically accusing him of being a wrong un & that’s exactly how he’ll see it.