To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

I mean, I literally said in my post that this was a different context from a single sex changing room.
And no, I haven't been in a men's changing room because I'm female. I've been naked or in my underwear in many female changing rooms though, and still wouldn't do it in a room full of men. You do you though.

Why did you keep looking at him Op? It sounds as though the other women ignored him but you were riveted.

You should be ashamed of yourself Mumsnet mocking a woman who has been abused because it’s left her with discomfort around male entitlement!!

This is about consent. OP doesn’t consent to seeing his topless body. At a beach is different it’s situation appropriate.

I completely see it OP. You could speak to the leader if you think this will become a regular habit. I’ve been abused too so fully get how you feel and how that’s hard to understand for many

Sorry for your past experiences op, but I feel this is playing a part here.

Why is it ridiculous? A male asserting his presence in a room full of women CAN be uncomfortable. If one of my colleagues took his top off in the staff room full of women, it would be really weird. If we were on a works trip to the beach, not weird at all. Time and place is everything.

If you gas an issue, why would you not have said so to him? He’s in your choir?

Why would you have gone to the choir leader?

You’re an adult, not a child that needs to tell teacher.

I get it OP. I think trust your instinct that he was being weird and be careful around him.

It feels like you just want people to agree with you. It started off as stood in the corner non threatening. To being in the middle wanting the attention. Yet he appears to be a social participant of the group in general. You felt uncomfortable & attributed this to how you’ve been treated in the past. You just can’t assume someone’s intentions. I don’t think it’s weird to get changed out of a costume (be it a Tshirt it’s still a requirement he wears it & not a choice) to something he wants to wear & because he isn’t self conscious didn’t feel the need to change quickly & was probably listening to others or participating in the general chit chat.

I love how there are men on this thread explaining to OP that it’s only the same as a swimming pool or beach. Because of course no women ever feel anxious or mortified about going to those places and the associated expectations of semi-nakedness.

Why do you feel that it’s ok to take the piss out of a woman who felt uncomfortable that a man was half naked with no good reason in a room full of women? Are women not allowed any boundaries, or are they only allowed the same boundaries as you?

That incident happened 7 years ago and female tennis players are now allowed to change their tops on court (in fact they have been for as long as I remember - the umpire actually got the rule wrong that time).

Respectfully, he probably looked over dressed compared to some of the female gym attire I've seen 😂

According to convention it is offensive for women to get their tits out in public, unless photographed by men for porno reasons. Men however are allowed to flash their chest with impunity. I don’t make or necessarily agree with the rules.

I am intrigued how long he was stood in the middle of the corner of the room.

I am also intrigued why the op didn’t just get her bag and leave after the concert rather than staying to time him putting on a fresh top.

I get this op.
I recently went to a class at my gym. There were only a few of us there. One man. He had already told the rest of us how crap the UK is, nobody asked him he just started telling the rest of us, all women. He then went on to say how he would be returning to China which is a fantastic place to live. Then New Zealand blah blah blah.
During the class ( he stood next to me) he had to drop the very heavy weights he was lifting on a regular basis whilst the rest of us women were fine with the lighter, appropriate weights we had chosen. The instructor even commentated that he might want to get lighter weights, but he ignore her suggestion and carried on having to keep dropping his weights.
Anyway at the end of the class he took his top off.
why?
The changing rooms are adjacent to this room.
No one else, male or female ever does this. Every other person using the changing facilities.
It felt very performative and completely unnecessary.
That’s the type of man who does this.
I turned my back on him, he was stood very close to me in a huge area. They do it because they can. There male ego thinks they are entitled to own the room.
It’s very subtle but it’s still there, the male entitlement.

You can be in a corner and in the middle of a room full of people. One is about location, the other is about what else is going on (lots of people).

I agree with you, OP, but wouldn’t complain in this instance. I suspect there will be people who will side with ‘poor Fred’ and make you uncomfortable.

But you’ve clocked the behaviour now. See if it’s a pattern and make sure you don’t react when he does similar things again. But raise it with the leader when it’s more than one incident. If he’s deliberately tiptoeing over the line, he’ll do it again.

If it genuinely bothers you this much and you think he’s just peacocking say something to him at the time rather than complaining later.

If it happens again, just ask him if he’s lost his top then start calling round, ‘Bob has lost his top, does anyone know where it is?’

If he is just showing off, he won’t do it again, if he’s lost his top you’ll help him find it.

No drama.

Edited to add: I do think this is all a bit OTT but if it really bothers OP this might be a strategy.

I know there has been issues in the past in the world of tennis over players changing their tops on court. It has always been the norm that men players have changed their tops freely at the change of ends. But when a woman player did this - whilst wearing a sports bra and for a legitimate reason - she was given a warning by the umpire.

I'm sure if OP's choir members did what this man did there would be total outrage from the other women and the Choir leader.
So for that reason alone I feel this guy should have been mindful that perhaps he should have been more respectful that he shouldn't be doing what his fellow choir members couldn't do because of social acceptability.

From.what OP says it does sound as though he was being deliberately exhibitionist and I understand her being annoyed by his behaviour.

Was he trying to impress with his toned torso OP, or was it a saggy old dad bod?

Either is rather inappropriate, but I'm just interested.

You seriously need to sort out your own issues first.
This is beyond ridiculous.

Grim!

What’s he like the rest of the time? How old? Did he have a decent body to show off?