Page 11 | To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

naturenaturenature · 2025-12-21T06:47:23+00:00

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags. The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men. After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed. AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed. AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

Makemeanonymous · 21/12/2025 08:07

gannett · 21/12/2025 07:49

That incident happened 7 years ago and female tennis players are now allowed to change their tops on court (in fact they have been for as long as I remember - the umpire actually got the rule wrong that time).

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Yes I know that.
But the incident happened.
And it was of enough significence to be still discussed by commentators now.

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 08:07

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:52

Just to be clear he was in the corner of the room. I didn't even realise I typed the middle of the room!

Oh yeah easy done accidentally typing

”he was right in the middle of a tightly packed room”

Happens to me all the time, damn autocorrect …..

When you meant to put “right in the corner”

Embellishment as I said!

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:04

I can’t believe how nasty and mocking some of these replies are. Makes me wonder how old some of you are. I think some of you are deliberately trying to make the op look foolish or can you really not comprehend what the op is saying? Either that or you’re male 🤷‍♀️

I agree with you op, it’s a show of male entitlement and it would immediately change my opinion of him. Hugging the younger woman too is another sign, sounds like a creep.

gannett · 21/12/2025 08:03

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 07:59

The fact that he felt it was appropriate to be semi naked for a length of time in that space speaks volumes.

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It was appropriate though. Male toplessness generally is (and is also not usually referred to as "semi-naked")

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 08:02

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 08:01

Hang on, so men underdressed, need to dress up because women can't be expected to look away but if women are underdressed (or showing cleavage etc), that's fine but men need to look away. Double standard or what.

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What are you talking about?

NoisyViewer · 21/12/2025 08:02

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 07:55

I also see a lot of women at a gym and some do not wear appropriate gym attire! I've got bigger knickers than some of the 'shorts' some women wear.

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Yep & what about some of the leggings where I’m the seam is literally giving them a wedgy. They may as well just have painted their butts because you can see all the outlines of it but when a man wears a vest shirt we all roll our eyes thinking he’s trying to get attention

Original poster

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:02

@Sparklesandspandexgallore yes it was a similar kind of feeling to this. He did because it made him feel good. Also I didn't hang around watching how long it took him to put his top on! The room was so packed it took me a few minutes to get to my bag and grab my coat and get out again. That will give an idea of just how crowded the room was.

OP posts:

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 21/12/2025 08:02

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 07:55

I also see a lot of women at a gym and some do not wear appropriate gym attire! I've got bigger knickers than some of the 'shorts' some women wear.

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And what is the relevance to my post?
Seriously?
What you or anyone you know wears is completely irrelevant to what I have described.
I didn’t say he was training in 16 layers of clothing did I?
The changing rooms are adjacent to the room we were in.
Every other person, male and female would use the changing room to take their clothes off.
There are even signs telling customers to use the designated changing rooms and that appropriate clothing must be worn at all times. He obviously felt the rules didn’t apply to him
Maybe in his beloved China he can behave like that. Who knows, who cares. Absolutely nobody and that is the point.

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 08:01

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 07:59

He wasn’t naked though. We all see men with their tops off all the time. Especially in the summer. If it makes op uncomfortable she should request that it not happen, not expect someone doing something perfectly normal to read her mind.

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Cant you read? I said semi naked. Do you see loads of semi naked men around the place in the middle of December? Maybe you live in the southern hemisphere. But here in the UK I haven’t seen anyone like that for a good few months.

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 08:01

Hundslappadrifa · 21/12/2025 07:41

Oh course they do, but we all know the difference between a topless man and a topless woman.

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Just because they can , doesn’t mean they should.

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 08:01

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 07:57

Ahhh - I see. Semi naked man makes woman feel uncomfortable, woman is to blame. Do you know what your comment reminds me of? When women complain about having naked men who claim to be women in single sex changing rooms and others tell her to stop looking at ‘her’ penis because that’s weird.

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Hang on, so men underdressed, need to dress up because women can't be expected to look away but if women are underdressed (or showing cleavage etc), that's fine but men need to look away. Double standard or what.

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 08:01

QwertyAtThirty · 21/12/2025 07:53

I mean, I literally said in my post that this was a different context from a single sex changing room.
And no, I haven't been in a men's changing room because I'm female. I've been naked or in my underwear in many female changing rooms though, and still wouldn't do it in a room full of men. You do you though.

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Oh stop being silly!

“You do you” what are you saying?

You sound about the same maturity level as OP! But you do you. 🙄.

LAMPS1 · 21/12/2025 08:00

If it wasn’t the case that he took his top off to put another one on more or less straight away, then I’d find it odd and unnecessary that he just stood there like an idiot half dressed.

It wouldn't upset me to the extent it has upset you at all, but then I’m fortunate in that I haven’t suffered from men repeatedly like you have.

I would fleetingly think he looked daft and out of place or maybe full of himself.
I would pay it (and him) no more attentions than that.

Rosealea · 21/12/2025 08:00

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:13

At no point have I said it was traumatic or a threat. Of course it wasn't. That isn't my point. It's the male belief that it was ok to do it. He knew exactly what he was doing. Pathetic.

What exactly was he doing though, in your mind as you seem to think there was something weird going on in his mind?

I really don't see what the problem is though. Possibly get some counselling to help you sort out your issues.

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 07:59

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 07:57

Ahhh - I see. Semi naked man makes woman feel uncomfortable, woman is to blame. Do you know what your comment reminds me of? When women complain about having naked men who claim to be women in single sex changing rooms and others tell her to stop looking at ‘her’ penis because that’s weird.

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He wasn’t naked though. We all see men with their tops off all the time. Especially in the summer. If it makes op uncomfortable she should request that it not happen, not expect someone doing something perfectly normal to read her mind.

SeaUrchinHat · 21/12/2025 07:59

Of all the stuff we have to put up with from men, this is a minor one. In similar situations in future (there will be many) just ignore and divert your attention elsewhere until he behaves appropriately, as you would a small child. It’s the only way.

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 07:59

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 07:55

Asserting his presence?! He was existing in a mixed sex space and was in the corner. Men existing near women is not inherently threatening or dominating, however overly sensitive some women have got. If that's a problem, find a women's only choir.

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The fact that he felt it was appropriate to be semi naked for a length of time in that space speaks volumes.

hiddeneverythin · 21/12/2025 07:58

I agree OP. You were there and you know the guy and from the way you have described it he has done it for attention and there is no need to be topless at a choir concert.

Skyflyinghigh · 21/12/2025 07:57

It wouldn’t bother me but then again I wouldn’t pay much attention. Was he getting a lot of female attention? What age is he?
I get it’s not usual behaviour but I’d have not thought much about it either way

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 07:57

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 07:53

Why did you keep looking at him Op? It sounds as though the other women ignored him but you were riveted.

Ahhh - I see. Semi naked man makes woman feel uncomfortable, woman is to blame. Do you know what your comment reminds me of? When women complain about having naked men who claim to be women in single sex changing rooms and others tell her to stop looking at ‘her’ penis because that’s weird.

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 07:55

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 21/12/2025 07:53

Driveverysliwly you are talking bollocks.
I am a regular gym goer as are the women in the class. We all wear appropriate clothing for training. It’s not some instagram fest.
He was in a vest I think. He didn’t rush to put another top on just wanted to expose his body in a room full of women.

I also see a lot of women at a gym and some do not wear appropriate gym attire! I've got bigger knickers than some of the 'shorts' some women wear.

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 07:55

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 07:52

Why is it ridiculous? A male asserting his presence in a room full of women CAN be uncomfortable. If one of my colleagues took his top off in the staff room full of women, it would be really weird. If we were on a works trip to the beach, not weird at all. Time and place is everything.

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Asserting his presence?! He was existing in a mixed sex space and was in the corner. Men existing near women is not inherently threatening or dominating, however overly sensitive some women have got. If that's a problem, find a women's only choir.

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 07:54

NoisyViewer · 21/12/2025 07:49

It feels like you just want people to agree with you. It started off as stood in the corner non threatening. To being in the middle wanting the attention. Yet he appears to be a social participant of the group in general. You felt uncomfortable & attributed this to how you’ve been treated in the past. You just can’t assume someone’s intentions. I don’t think it’s weird to get changed out of a costume (be it a Tshirt it’s still a requirement he wears it & not a choice) to something he wants to wear & because he isn’t self conscious didn’t feel the need to change quickly & was probably listening to others or participating in the general chit chat.

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The OP is asking a question. I for one agree with her - it would make me feel uncomfortable. But I appreciate that there are other women who wouldn’t give a flying fish in the same situation. And that’s ok.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 21/12/2025 07:53

Driveverysliwly you are talking bollocks.
I am a regular gym goer as are the women in the class. We all wear appropriate clothing for training. It’s not some instagram fest.
He was in a vest I think. He didn’t rush to put another top on just wanted to expose his body in a room full of women.

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 07:53

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:29

@GnomeDePlumethats my point! So sick of men trying to assert their male dominance in this way. He stood their for ages, right in the middle of a tightly packed room.

Wait, your original post says he was in a corner, so how was he also in the middle of the room?

You're overreacting because of your past experience. Just let it go.