Page 10 | To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

naturenaturenature · 2025-12-21T06:47:23+00:00

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags. The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men. After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed. AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed. AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

beAsensible1 · 21/12/2025 08:22

I also hate getting changed in little public toilet cubicles. There’s never enough room or your clothes end up on the floor. If you’ve got long arms it’s hard to manoeuvre

horrid

ThatshallotBaby · 21/12/2025 08:22

Blushingm · 21/12/2025 08:19

Would you have been the same if he took his shoes and socks off?

In the summer in some places you’ll see men with no top on walking down the street? Sometimes builders or gardeners might work topless

He may have been going out and wanted a different top

I can’t understand why you are so offended by this?

Context, context, context

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 08:21

gannett · 21/12/2025 08:03

It was appropriate though. Male toplessness generally is (and is also not usually referred to as "semi-naked")

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Male toplessness is not appropriate anywhere and everywhere. Claiming shit like this is why we end up with topless men randomly on the street or in Tesco. It’s not appropriate simply because it’s different from female toplessness.

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:21

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 08:16

She thinks. Not fact. And it only seems he did based on her interpretation. Again, not fact. We've very much only got one side of the story

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You are very quick to defend him! Are you a male who loves to prance around topless?

Original poster

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:20

@AbbaCadaBrathe room was small and my bag and coat happened to be near him. Does that clear that up for you?

OP posts:

ThatshallotBaby · 21/12/2025 08:20

I’m with you @naturenaturenature and yes I would mention it to the choir leader. Men like that need to be made aware that the world is not their private playground and they are not deities to be worshipped. Stand your ground, you are right.

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 08:19

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:17

@Clara27 thank you. The mocking just has no place here or anywhere on Mumsnet. And by the way, I was not traumatised or horrified or very upset. I just noticed it as it was so out of place. none of the other men had gone into that room let alone stand around with his top off'

You haven’t answered my question: you say he was stood in the corner in a packed room. How did you get a clear view of him if the room was as packed as you say?

Blushingm · 21/12/2025 08:19

Would you have been the same if he took his shoes and socks off?

In the summer in some places you’ll see men with no top on walking down the street? Sometimes builders or gardeners might work topless

He may have been going out and wanted a different top

I can’t understand why you are so offended by this?

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 08:19

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:17

@Clara27 thank you. The mocking just has no place here or anywhere on Mumsnet. And by the way, I was not traumatised or horrified or very upset. I just noticed it as it was so out of place. none of the other men had gone into that room let alone stand around with his top off'

81% of people think you ARE being unreasonable. Maybe take the hint 🙂

Original poster

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:17

@Clara27 thank you. The mocking just has no place here or anywhere on Mumsnet. And by the way, I was not traumatised or horrified or very upset. I just noticed it as it was so out of place. none of the other men had gone into that room let alone stand around with his top off'

OP posts:

Pedallleur · 21/12/2025 08:17

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 08:01

Cant you read? I said semi naked. Do you see loads of semi naked men around the place in the middle of December? Maybe you live in the southern hemisphere. But here in the UK I haven’t seen anyone like that for a good few months.

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Have you been to Newcastle?
Perhaps the OP could say whatever that is you are wearing it needs a bloody good ironing!

Lucia573 · 21/12/2025 08:17

I would have thought it unnecessary too. I’d have called him out on it though. ‘Hey, Tony! changed in private!’

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 08:16

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:13

if you read the op later posts she has added that she thinks he felt entitled. And it seems he did. And it’s not normal to stand around with no top on for an extended length of time. It really isn’t.

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She thinks. Not fact. And it only seems he did based on her interpretation. Again, not fact. We've very much only got one side of the story

Eyeshadow · 21/12/2025 08:16

He sounds like an idiot and I’m actually embarrassed for him.

He absolutely stood with his top off hoping to impress the women.
But all it did was make him look like a twat.

I wouldn’t report it though, as he technically didn’t do anything wrong.
Save your complaint for something that will be taken more seriously.

OldBeyondMyYears · 21/12/2025 08:15

If he had been waving his penis around, I’d understand your conniptions, but a bare chest is just a bare chest ffs! Get a grip! Do you take smelling salts to the beach? 🤦‍♀️

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 08:14

NarnianQueen · 21/12/2025 08:13

God, men like this are so tedious.

That’s why most of us ignore them.

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 08:13

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:02

@Sparklesandspandexgallore yes it was a similar kind of feeling to this. He did because it made him feel good. Also I didn't hang around watching how long it took him to put his top on! The room was so packed it took me a few minutes to get to my bag and grab my coat and get out again. That will give an idea of just how crowded the room was.

This does not make any sense. The room was crowded. He was in a corner of the room yet you saw him quite clearly. Does that mean that you were also in the corner?

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:13

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 08:10

The op was uncomfortable, I think we can all acknowledge that. Op has also acknowledged that her past experience is colouring her judgement. We all agree on that.

What we're disagreeing on is whether it is usual to be so offended by an unexpextedly topless man in a situation where he thinks it's normal but you don't.

The vote clearly shows most women on this thread wouldn't be.

OP can still try to ask for changes or confront the man but will now be aware that she may not get change or a positive response as her upset is unusual.

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if you read the op later posts she has added that she thinks he felt entitled. And it seems he did. And it’s not normal to stand around with no top on for an extended length of time. It really isn’t.

NarnianQueen · 21/12/2025 08:13

God, men like this are so tedious.

GooseyGandalf · 21/12/2025 08:12

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:49

@QwertyAtThirty and @GooseyGandalf thank you for your understanding. You have explained it better than I could. I won't talk to the choir leader about it but will just be aware. He's a strange one. He keeps hugging this one particular woman and I asked her afterwards if she knew him well or knew him outside of choir and she said no, he's just very friendly. Interestingly she's one of the youngest women in the choir. Wha a surprise 🙄

Oh ffs, this is giving me rage. I had a friendly hugger at my first job and I was too young and gaslighted to understand what it was about.

I hate that this is still going on. Thought we had moved on from the 1990s but we’ve just got older and sharper eyed. The world is still the same.

The people who are mocking you on this thread, are a huge part of the social problem that allows these predatory fuckers to operate in plain sight.

It’s always the young, innocent ones they have to be friendly with. Being middle aged has its advantages.

Maybe a word with the choir leader might be in order op, but you’ll have to think out how to say it carefully, as you can see from this thread,

Original poster

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:12

@Burntt thank you for your kind words and understanding.

OP posts:

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:10

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 07:59

He wasn’t naked though. We all see men with their tops off all the time. Especially in the summer. If it makes op uncomfortable she should request that it not happen, not expect someone doing something perfectly normal to read her mind.

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Unless it’s a beach or a pool then we shouldn’t be subjected to men with their tops off all the time. Stop normalising low standard behaviour.

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 08:10

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:04

I can’t believe how nasty and mocking some of these replies are. Makes me wonder how old some of you are. I think some of you are deliberately trying to make the op look foolish or can you really not comprehend what the op is saying? Either that or you’re male 🤷‍♀️

I agree with you op, it’s a show of male entitlement and it would immediately change my opinion of him. Hugging the younger woman too is another sign, sounds like a creep.

Edited

The op was uncomfortable, I think we can all acknowledge that. Op has also acknowledged that her past experience is colouring her judgement. We all agree on that.

What we're disagreeing on is whether it is usual to be so offended by an unexpextedly topless man in a situation where he thinks it's normal but you don't.

The vote clearly shows most women on this thread wouldn't be.

OP can still try to ask for changes or confront the man but will now be aware that she may not get change or a positive response as her upset is unusual.

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 08:08

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 08:01

Cant you read? I said semi naked. Do you see loads of semi naked men around the place in the middle of December? Maybe you live in the southern hemisphere. But here in the UK I haven’t seen anyone like that for a good few months.

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If I saw a man with his top off in the corner of a room I wouldn’t look at him. I have other things to focus on. None of my business. But if it bothered me or others I would talk to someone and request it not occur.

Charlize43 · 21/12/2025 08:08

Get a grip!

I don't see how a male chest would be threatening. It's not like he was slapping his dick across your face while singing dirty ditties.

I'd avoid beach holidays if you find partial nudity so offensive. Last week, on my train a women changed out of her work clothes into her going out outfit (bra & knickers, briefly on show ) and no-one batted an eyelid (London).