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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

387 replies

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:47

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags.

The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men.

After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed.

AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

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Medexpert · 22/12/2025 13:00

One is never in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable. We all have our boundaries for various reason.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed

However, the issue is that you assume your feelings of discomfort meant that he was doing something so wrong, it was worthy of such judgemental and denigrating words.

This is why some posters reacted as they did. It's important to remember to differentiate between how some things make us feel and the criticism of someone's action, and turning the behaviour into generalisations (in your case, making a male problem).

Probablyshouldntsay · 22/12/2025 12:41

I agree with you OP. It’s on a par with manspreading

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 22/12/2025 12:11

@Ladyzfactoryes I was completely in the wrong and I was very ridiculous for even thinking what I thought because clearly I'm a vacuous idiot. Happy?

OP posts:
Ladyzfactor · 22/12/2025 10:56

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:17

@Clara27 thank you. The mocking just has no place here or anywhere on Mumsnet. And by the way, I was not traumatised or horrified or very upset. I just noticed it as it was so out of place. none of the other men had gone into that room let alone stand around with his top off'

Are you going to take in the posters that think you are being unreasonable or did you just post for validation?

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 22/12/2025 00:53

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You've had several posts deleted now

Maybe stop?

RecordBreakers · 22/12/2025 00:21

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 07:31

@DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat why don't you just go away now? You've made your point very clear and you're very unpleasant.

But you are the person trying to get this man into trouble, for doing something so very normal as changing his top in the green room after a concert.

That seems a bit vindictive to me.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 21/12/2025 23:55

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It's much more unhinged to get this worked up about seeing a man's chest for a minute or two.

Orwellwasright2020 · 21/12/2025 23:09

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Moveoverdarlin · 21/12/2025 22:55

CharlieEffie · 21/12/2025 10:43

He was stood in the corner so your assumption that he was wanting you all to look at him doesnt really fit. Yes he could have gone to the toilet but honestly most men wouldn't even consider that, nothing malicious. He wasnt butt naked in the middle of the room windmilling everyone as they walked in

You’ve gone from ‘very’ uncomfortable in your original post to a tiny bit uncomfortable.

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 22:51

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Too much Diamond White I reckon!

Countduckula52 · 21/12/2025 22:50

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:54

i don't think it's treating me badly. What I don't like is why felt the need to take his top off. He's always hugging the women and I felt his intention was that he wanted us to look at him.

Hugging is a big no from me anyway I hate people invading my personal space! I would have called him out there and then and asked him to put his top on!

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 21/12/2025 22:49

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Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 22:49

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Oh dear, too much mulled cider?

Orwellwasright2020 · 21/12/2025 22:46

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Orwellwasright2020 · 21/12/2025 22:46

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SpoonBaloon · 21/12/2025 22:33

I’ve been in situations, in shops and even on trains before where men - usually youngish lads - have taken their top off and changed into another. It’s never bothered me because I know they’ve only been changing.

I suppose only you can know whether or not this man was attempting to expose himself by baring his midriff or if he was just functionally changing his clothes.

But I don’t think changing a top is necessarily always inappropriate.

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 22:32

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I’m Dave am I?

Orwellwasright2020 · 21/12/2025 22:31

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SpoonBaloon · 21/12/2025 22:29

Women are “topless”. Men are “shirtless”.

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 22:29

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I’m Dave am I?

ok 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 22:27

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 22:18

@Nevernonono I don't mind being questioned but the way you're speaking to me is highly unpleasant. It's pathetic that you choose to be so foul to a complete stranger and an archetypal keyboard warrior hiding behind a screen.

You’ve embellished this situation so much…

in a corner then “right in the middle of a room”, which you posted in error, not just the middle of the room? No extra words to emphasise the point.

Now, it’s very mildly uncomfortable instead of very.

You don’t like being called out, so decide I’m unpleasant?

Really OP, this has been such a facade! You seem to take on a victim role a lot. If you’ve got an issue, just tell him? Your choir leader is not responsible for disciplining the members and deciding if he was right or wrong, as you see from this post, not everyone thinks the same! 81% think you’re wrong!

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 21/12/2025 22:25

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Would you like being called a Karen?

Because Handmaiden is the same

Just trying to shut women up for having an opinion that differs from yours

UxmalFan · 21/12/2025 22:25

I think it's ok for a man to take his shirt off for example on a beach or in a park on a hot day, and also in a cloakroom for mixed sexes if he wants to change. Easily ignored by turning away.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 21/12/2025 22:23

Orwellwasright2020 · 21/12/2025 22:04

You're being absolutely reasonable. He was in the wrong. Pretty simple really. Don't let the manpanderers and incels masquerading as women who flock to this site grind you down.

PS, anybody who attempts to start a bizarro world argument with me or pretends to be shocked and devastated by being accurately described as a manpanderer or incel will be laughed at 😘

Edited
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Oh darling

Manpander?

Calling people men because they don't agree with you?

Classic

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 22:18

@Nevernonono I don't mind being questioned but the way you're speaking to me is highly unpleasant. It's pathetic that you choose to be so foul to a complete stranger and an archetypal keyboard warrior hiding behind a screen.

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