To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

Arguably people fleeing war torn countries are more privileged even than those who move for work. The gain is certainly of greater significance - gaining life and safety vs risk of death and harm being greater than mere economic improvement. Indeed, I believe that the Jewish contingent who arrived fleeing Nazi persecution were in fact very clear that they appreciated the sanctuary. If they spent their time whingeing about the nature of English Chat I have never heard of it - and there was significant anti semitism in England at that time.

If you are unable to recognise your privilege you can’t. It’s another form of privilege, isn’t it, pretending you don’t have it? Good for you. I do acknowledge mine and do not expect every human being I meet to conform to my unreasonable personal shibboleths. I tend to think people being chatty is a good thing.

And in answer to ‘if it’s all right for me it’s all right for everyone’ - yes, unless you are a monstrous narcissist or a child that is pretty much how society works. Shouting at people, being rude, being racist = not ok. Asking people chatty questions = fine.

Doesn't change the fact that she doesn't owe people answers to their questions.

I hear you. My kids are quite unique looking and look different from me, so I used to have the same conversation about that almost every day of my life and sometimes multiple times a day when they were little kids. It got so boring.

The only solution I found was to turn my “resting b*tch face” up to max.

I genuinely don’t mind the curiosity, it’s when it veers into thinking I can speak for ‘Americans’ when I get fed up. ‘Wow, why did you vote for xyz?’ ‘Why do you have so many guns?’ Etc. And lately, lots go to ‘how did you get in and what visa’ themed.

I am very, very polite and I answer what I can and deflect where I can as I am very conscious of being a guest and wanting to make people comfortable but there can be a tone to some of these interactions that is confrontational instead of curious and that’s not always pleasant.

There it is.

Are people who had to flee from war torn countries also privileged in your opinion because they clearly had a privilege to 'chose a country to live in'.

Well, compared to people who didn't manage to flee or could only manage to make it to neighbouring country's refugee camp.... One could say yes... As terrible as it may sound...

If it annoys you so much, OP, I think you just have to perfect a standard response like "I'm from (Insert Name of Country... make one up if you like). Where are you from?" and then, if they persist, "Sorry, I've had this conversation too many times - you'll have to Google it."

Was that necessary? Can't you have a discussion without needing to use this type of pathetic language?

Your post is a good illustration that while most people will ask questions about accents and "home countries" with a positive mindset, the odd ignorant xenophobe will still crop up now and then.

Fucking hell. Are you for real?

You cant be really thinkimg that your personal experience is the same as everyone else's (including how certain questions affect them)?

YOU clearly are assuming everyone has the same experience as you

I guess if it's fine for you it must be fine for everyone?

I guess you believe if you're upset by something everyone else must walk on eggshells around you even though they have no way of knowing what you're triggered by this month. How is that different?

Same. I accept that I am not local so it’s a fair enough ordinary chat question. Being able to choose the country you live in is a very privileged position, so it’s pretty snotty to resent local people who can’t necessarily choose their country, because international moves take money, or other non local people who are - erm - like you, privileged to have chosen where to live and work. Be less snotty.

I'm an immigrant. It's a non problem.

Either accept that people will ask you this question or similar, or accept that no one speaks to you. You can't decide for others what they talk about. Not everyone caters to everything you like all the time.

I get it, OP. I think you could brush questions off a bit, I'm from XX but been living here XX years, so long I feel English and going "home" feels like I'm visiting.

Repeat as needed.

Actually, on extremely rare occasions (no more than twice in total over the past 25 years) I did sense this kind of vibe. As I mentioned above, I don’t ask the question anymore. The mums at school know, as do friends, their spouses and acquaintances. Lots of people stop me when I’m out walking our beautiful dog and the moment I say something like, “Yes, he’s friendly, and yes, it’s fine to pet him,” it’s very obvious that I’m not local 🙂 But perhaps because the dog acts as an ice-breaker, there’s no need for the usual “where are you from?” questions. Not entirely sure.

I answer “No. I’m not really in contact with them” and the conversation moves along. I don’t make threads on Mumsnet complaining about it and then being incredibly aggressive and rude to people who are POLITELY disagreeing by telling them how you feel insulted by a POLITE question.

Some of these responses on here are wild.

“Where are you from?” - horrifically bad mannered and offensive

“You’re stupid, ignorant, lazy, boring” - perfectly reasonable discourse

Wow.
I'm a northerner... I lived in London for 5 years.
Every time I opened my mouth I got questioned on where I was from, why I was there...weren't there any jobs up north?
Stop being so precious... human nature is curious.

It's just a step away from 'go back to your country' 🙄

Or even better “stay home”.

@Idono "It IS an insignificant topic to most people - just because YOU don't find it so the world should not revolve around your particular quirks. Unless you'd like to print out topics you personally find acceptable and wear it like a sandwich board don't expect anyone else to put too much agony into about which of the infinite conversation topics may or may not offend you, specifically."

Pretty much none of the immigrants I've talked to, and I know a lot, think lightly of moving to another country, but I've learned a valuable lesson on this thread- some people just utterly lack empathy.

I will keep it in mind next time a nosy stranger bothers me. Love it how so many people on this thread are repeatedly told a thing they don't like to hear FROM PEOPLE WHO EXPERIENCE IT, then dig their heels in and tell them to 'get over it'...!

Actually I think I've learnt something from this thread, I will just ask the question back- if they love discussing geography so much they can talk to me all about the Black Country or Liverpool or whatever.

Do that!

Just because they find it boring to be polite and talk about some insignificant topic.

It IS an insignificant topic to most people - just because YOU don't find it so the world should not revolve around your particular quirks. Unless you'd like to print out topics you personally find acceptable and wear it like a sandwich board don't expect anyone else to put too much agony into about which of the infinite conversation topics may or may not offend you, specifically.

Tbh I don't get asked by randomers in random places as not a part of any conversation, so maybe that's why I have no issue with it