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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

756 replies

Playdoughy · 21/12/2025 00:36

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

OP posts:
ReadingTime · 21/12/2025 01:26

Maybe you just haven't perfected your "fuck off everyone, I'm from London" face yet?

You must look very approachable and like you're ready for a chat, if so many people are starting conversations with you in London. Just work on your resting bitch face, avoid making eye contact like all the life-long Londoners do, and people might leave you in peace.

Makemeanonymous · 21/12/2025 01:25

I'm English originally but have lived in Scotland for over 48 years.

Hardly a day goes by without at least one person asking me where I'm from or trying to guess where I'm from based on my accent.

To all intenets and purposes I consider myself Scottish so I dislike this perpetual reminder that I will never ever be considered anything other than an outsider in my adopted country.

CallMeEvelyn · 21/12/2025 01:25

Playdoughy · 21/12/2025 01:21

Intrestingly I see those that ask as self-centred.
Ofcourse it is natural curiousity, but that doesn't justify it, does it?
Surely you don't just bluntly ask everyone just about everything you are curious about? E.g. Hi Emily, hi Nick - why are you still together considering everyone knows Nick's been cheating for the past year.
You probably consider how the other side feels about your question first, no?

Show quote history

OP, I again agree 100%. You've become more British than the British here, too considerate 😂 They somehow aren't that considerate when it comes to small talk. It's honestly baffling to me that some people here think that the person really has to talk about their birth place and history and their life story of moving countries just because they're "curious". The reality is many don't care at all but they need to make themselves assured they're great at small talk. I hate small talk and always will.

GameofPhones · 21/12/2025 01:21

I live in a northern city, but am 'from' further south in England. My accent is quite different from the people around me, but interestingly I am NEVER asked this question. Only once has it caused a problem - I was mocked by neighbour's visitors when I asked them to move their car which was blocking the shared drive. I was shocked at how aggressively they did this.

Original poster
Playdoughy · 21/12/2025 01:21

Iwiicit · 21/12/2025 01:11

Well you've said people are pleasantly asking where you're from. Surely that's just a natural curiosity and showing an interest in you?
Some people are so precious, self-centered and easily offended these days.

Intrestingly I see those that ask as self-centred.
Ofcourse it is natural curiousity, but that doesn't justify it, does it?
Surely you don't just bluntly ask everyone just about everything you are curious about? E.g. Hi Emily, hi Nick - why are you still together considering everyone knows Nick's been cheating for the past year.
You probably consider how the other side feels about your question first, no?

OP posts:
Poms · 21/12/2025 01:20

I moved from one end of the U.K. to the other, I get asked where I am from all of the time. I view it as people being interested

PrincessASDaisy · 21/12/2025 01:20

Playdoughy · 21/12/2025 00:45

I am in London. But yes I am aware I am free to move if I don't like it somewhere. I happen to like it very much - it is just this minor conversational point really 😅

Show quote history

I’m also in London, not from here, accent, not white. I rarely get asked this.

Iwiicit · 21/12/2025 01:19

Playdoughy · 21/12/2025 01:14

That sounds great but please don't take this the wrong way - I am not in a supermarket (or queuing for a toilet or attending friends birthday) for someone's amusement or to entertain their curiosity.
I absolutely am aware that people who ask me so much about my country are probably genuinely interested and are not trying to make me feel uncomfortable. What I am saying is that you are completely oblivious to the fact that this is super boring and draining conversation for me because I am forced into it every other day.

Show quote history

Just tell everyone that asks you that you find them super draining and boring then. I imagine people will stop talking to you soon enough.

OriginalUsername2 · 21/12/2025 01:18

Raise your eyebrows, look at them with slightly amused eyes and say “Excuse me?” or “I beg your pardon?”

CallMeEvelyn · 21/12/2025 01:17

OP, I TOTALLY get you. I'm so done with it. I think people mean well and I get it, but I too am so sick of it.

PickledElectricity · 21/12/2025 01:16

Yanbu and my dad would make up the most random countries when he was asked to get people to leave him alone.

Sometimes I just say "Ilford" ;)

FiveShelties · 21/12/2025 01:16

I am a Lancastrian living in NZ and always asked. Followed by "you have not lost your accent have you"😁
I don't mind at all, am very proud to be a Lancastrian.🌹

Original poster
Playdoughy · 21/12/2025 01:14

Elopeme · 21/12/2025 00:49

YABU because I love meeting and chatting to people from other countries - much more interesting conversation than discussing the weather or where your handbag is from.

That sounds great but please don't take this the wrong way - I am not in a supermarket (or queuing for a toilet or attending friends birthday) for someone's amusement or to entertain their curiosity.
I absolutely am aware that people who ask me so much about my country are probably genuinely interested and are not trying to make me feel uncomfortable. What I am saying is that you are completely oblivious to the fact that this is super boring and draining conversation for me because I am forced into it every other day.

OP posts:
RabbitsEatPancakes · 21/12/2025 01:13

It's almost a standard question in London as there such a mix of people.

I'm london born here as were both my parents but often get asked where I'm from, or where I'm from originally, or where my parents are from. More commonly by non ethnically British people interestingly.

Redheadedstepchild · 21/12/2025 01:12

The other classic is, "How often do you go HOME?"

"Don't you MISS it?"
"What about your FAMILY?"

Way to make me feel welcome. I even had my GP ask me after my Dad died in England, "Don't you feel guilty now?"

I'm not so good at deflection tactics with these ones, so any suggestions would be good.

CaptainBluebell · 21/12/2025 01:11

I lived in Miami 20y, I’m not sure a day went by without bring asked where I’m from. Moved back to the uk, I still get asked. You just need to accept it tbh.

Iwiicit · 21/12/2025 01:11

Well you've said people are pleasantly asking where you're from. Surely that's just a natural curiosity and showing an interest in you?
Some people are so precious, self-centered and easily offended these days.

chocolateychurros · 21/12/2025 01:10

By the way I know my response above wasn’t exactly helpful, it just made me curious because in London where I live if people were going to talk about what country they’re from all the time then there would be no other topic of conversation because everyone here is from all over the place ☺️

chocolateychurros · 21/12/2025 01:08

I’m wondering if you live in a small town where the majority are white British, because I really don’t think this question would be asked as frequently if you were living somewhere like London.

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 21/12/2025 01:06

It's interesting you live in London, because I got asked where I'm from a lot while I lived in London. And I'm English (although not from London), so my answer was always boring.

After a couple of years I moved to a different city in England and literally never get asked it any more. I wonder if it's a London thing.

I don't blame you for being bored of the question. I would try to turn it around on the asker as quickly as you can. Ask them where they're from and then ask questions about the place to get them to do the talking. The kind of person who goes straight for the "where are you from" line of questioning in an attempt to engage a stranger in conversation probably loves talking about themselves.

Original poster
Playdoughy · 21/12/2025 01:06

Itiswhysofew · 21/12/2025 00:49

Have you got a lovely accent? Are people curious for that reason?(edited, as missed question mark)

I don't ask people where they're from. It's been drummed into us not to, as it could offend. I lived overseas and was often asked where I'm from. I still live overseas, but not too far from the UK, and get asked where I'm from, but not as much as you seem to.

Edited

Interesting, so it is seen as not polite?
I would have never guessed, I actually thought maybe people do this because it is polite and shows interest.
Happy to find out it is not odd that I am feeling like this about it.

OP posts:
Redheadedstepchild · 21/12/2025 01:05

I do sympathise, as I get that a lot, living abroad when I'm British. How I handle it depends on my mood because I know people are just being curious and trying to be friendly, so:

"Well, I've been here 26 years, so I don't really know where I come from, ha ha, but originally Manchester. The town - if it's not the capital city - sometimes throws them off from automatic assumptions or stereotype parroting. They have to think twice, like, "What country is Gdansk in again?"

Or,

"Everybody asks me that! I've had people guessing Australia, Denmark, all sorts. My neighbour is still convinced that I'm Russian after ten years of living next door to him!"

Or,

British! But I promise you that I'm not Princess Diana's cousin or a football hooligan. I'm one of those boring ones that's kind of in the middle. I don't even drink tea. I'm diappointing aren't I?

Deflect, deflect, deflect.

You just have to put up with it mainly though. Unless they start to get really offensive and begin harping on about something absolutely ridiculous.

The worst case I ever got was a tutor on a further education course who considered herself highly cultured but everything I did or said was, "Typiquement Anglo Saxon." She was a bore.

RedFrogs · 21/12/2025 01:05

Even in my hometown I get asked where I’m from. I say here. They say no but originally. I say I was born here and so were my parents, grandparents etc. Then they look uncomfortable and move on. Maybe try that so you don’t have to answer so many questions.

cadburyegg · 21/12/2025 00:56

YANBU my mum asks it all the time as soon as she detects an unfamiliar accent. It makes me cringe every time.

Noshadelamp · 21/12/2025 00:56

Have you tried telling them London?

I'm not from the UK but have been here most of my adult life now so don't get asked as much as when I first moved here. I sometimes say "down south" or London if I don't want to engage, seems to work.

Last year I went home and was asked where I was from because I've lost my home accent. I don't know why but I said Manchester, however the questioner had family in the UK so started questioning me more and didn't really believe me. I felt stupid then and ended up saying I've moved around a lot 😂