To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

Im a Muslim revert. Im very white British. Im from Kent. Never have i ever been asked where I was from until I started wearing a headscarf. Im now automatically seen as foreign. Doesn't bother me really. And I get the same question very often when out and about as I guess I confuse people.

But it is a valid feeling @Playdoughy sometimes it can be interrogating. Depends how it is asked and the following ups!

It doesn't bother me and I answer. It annoys my kids though! Their dad's middle Eastern but they are all as white as snow blue eyed and blonde like me. So it does confuse people. 🤣
Dh gets asked all the time too. But he loves it. So horses for courses really.

Yeah this is so racist. it's not 2020 anymore.

Well that escalated quickly.

Hm... "You're going round and round in circles and using a lot of words to say but very much". I'll just leave it there.

@Playdoughy OP, thank you for starting this thread, it was an interesting discussion and eye opening in a lot of ways.

You're going round and round in circles and using a lot of words to say but very much. I understand what you mean, and I've explained several times you are perfectly entitled to feel however you like.

If you read carefully, and not just the posts agreeing with you, you might understand why I'm saying you're unreasonable. But you don't want to hear it, and so I suppose you must carry on claiming that it is everybody else that doesn't understand, rather than accept it.

You didn't expect anything but a direct reply to you? Sigh. I don't know why I'm surprised.

There's no false statements, those words are taken from your posts, in context.

Yes, you've said that for you this isn't small talk - and a handful of people have agreed with you. So of course I've taken away from this that some people don't like it and want people to change their behaviour to suit - I'm unsure as to why you think I don't understand that's what you're trying to say. I get it, I just think it's unreasonable. Which is the question you asked, is it not?

If you write a post asking if you're being unreasonable, and then refuse to consider that you are, your feelings are probably going to get hurt. I'm sorry if you find that difficult.

You have called people rude, without manners, intrusive, self centred, boring, blunt, rude. That's OK for you to do, but you're not too keen on hearing any words directed back to you.

You have clung on to posters that agree with you and refused to move your position or accept others' point of view, even from people in the same situation you are in.

Perhaps next time don't ask on AIBU. Write a general thread stating that you're fed up and tired of people and have a good old moan there, I'm sure lots of people will support you. That's reasonable.

Just how conversation works here, and I'm sure most of the rest of world.

Lol. You do realise I’m not the OP, right? I’m not sure where you think you’ve challenged me, or how I’ve supposedly shown I can’t handle it. If anything, it’s the opposite.

If you meant the OP, that’s a different post entirely.

What you choose to call them is up to you. I can't govern how you handle someone challenging you.

Let’s see… you’re calling your own insults “descriptive and accurate language” and claiming that pointing them out is “shifting focus” because someone can’t handle disagreement.

By your logic, I’m simply using descriptive and accurate language to highlight that they’re insults. If you’re comfortable with the words you chose, then you should be comfortable with them being named. If you’ve chosen to label the OP, it’s reasonable for someone else to label the behaviour. Same principle.

Again, feel free to gloss over it, it just doesn't change the fact. That's all I'm saying.

It’s not exactly rocket science to know not to ask people when they’re desperately looking for their lost phone, or interrupt them while they’re going about their day or to use it as the first question/remark that comes out of your mouth. It’s good manners.

I do take responsibility for what I said - it's using descriptive, and accurate language.

Picking apart the words used to shift the focus from being disagreed with is a weak argument.

Not policing disagreement. Just pointing out that you resorted to personal insults, which isn’t the same thing at all. It’s not about wording or feelings, and reframing it that way avoids taking responsibility for what you actually said. If you want to continue down that route, that’s on you.

"Don't disagree with me unless you use the exact words I want you to and disagree with me in the exact way I want you to, or you'll hurt my feelings". Yep, got it - it's quite a popular sentiment these days.

soooo... no one says anything to anyone then. You have no idea what would embarrass me. No idea at all, so you'd better keep anything and everything to yourself for fear of upsetting me.

I LIKE being spoken to about my accent. We don't all have to live by your rules.

Good grief indeed. I’m referring to the personal remarks you directed at the OP, not your disagreement with her.

Here's a quote to mull over:

“One should never make remarks or ask questions which emphasise differences or embarrass a stranger; the object of good manners is to make everyone feel at ease.”- Emily Post, Etiquette (1922)

I'm old-fashioned like that. The concept is not new.

That's isn't all she's doing. She's saying people need to work harder to pick up on her subtle clues. To know implicitly that she doesn't want to be asked. That people need to alter their behaviour to suit her.

Good grief.

OP is not demanding anything. She's just pointing out it's draining. Of course, it's entirely up to you to choose to ignore other people's feelings.