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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have this living arrangement?

34 replies

Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:16

Had a disaster of a year which I’m trying to salvage, would appreciate anyone sharing their views.

I am a single parent and recently got a job in healthcare which is very long shifts - 12-14 hours, 3x a week, includes night shifts sometimes.

The family member who had committed to doing the wraparound care for DS so I could work this job has suddenly become unable to do so anymore - health issue related. Not sure if or when that will resolve.

I’ve been frantically trying to figure out if I can still make this job feasibly work. Around March, my shifts will reduce to around 10h 3x a week, alleviating some pressure. But I would still need 1h before and 1h after breakfast/after school club care. Considering finding a local babysitter for this - I could manage financially but night shifts would be difficult for me to cover. I have some family who could stay over here and there but it would be tricky logistically.

Have discussed with close family members about this - DSis and Bil (and toddler) are in the process of moving house, and have a couple of months which are tricky for them housing wise in Jan/Feb. We have had a discussion about them staying with us for that time rent free, in exchange for doing the awkward wrap around care and being present here while I’m doing night shifts. They would be happy to do this.

I know this will come with its challenges - we have a very calm and peaceful home and adding 3 extra people (including a toddler) is going to change the dynamic at home and be a loss of privacy. But I’m really in a lurch with my job - it is fairly well paid, my alternative would be finding a part time job around school hours until DS is older - but I’m wondering if this is the best option, rather than deal with the stress that trying to do shift work entails.

Im unlikely to secure another job similar to this in the future if I leave. I’ve also considered doing a flexible work request closer to April and reducing hours further but its unlikely to be granted because of the role.

Can anyone offer words of wisdom please? I’m in a bit of a panic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:24

HeddaGarbled · 20/12/2025 22:21

I think it’s an excellent plan.

Thank you! I’ve been feeling so anxious the past few days because it’s been a very unsettling time - I studied for 5 years to get this job and it was extremely competitive. I would really like to do my best to make it work, but at the moment my brain seems to just be pointing out problems. So it’s nice to hear someone view it positively!

OP posts:
Springtimehere · 20/12/2025 22:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:23

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 20/12/2025 22:21

Do you get on well with DSis and BIL? Do you have a good honest relationship with your DSis, one where you can be honest if you’re driving each other mad? If yes, it’s only a few months, sounds like it helps you both out?

Yes we do get along well and are close - we go on holidays together, and speak every day. I’m just worried about the reality of sharing our home and if it’ll be very overwhelming or busy. We live in a 2 bedroom flat so they would temporarily have one of the bedrooms while me and DS share. I know it isn’t ideal, I’ve just really been left in a lurch with starting a brand new job and childcare falling through immediately.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 20/12/2025 22:21

I think it’s an excellent plan.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:21

PrincessofWells · 20/12/2025 22:19

Is a childminder before and after school clubs a possibility? Some around my way do offer this.

This was my first thought, but there aren’t any local childminders with availability or who start work early enough - my shift starts at 7am so I need to leave the house at 6:30am. And until my shifts reduce in length in March, I will not be home until 9:30pm.

OP posts:
WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 20/12/2025 22:21

Do you get on well with DSis and BIL? Do you have a good honest relationship with your DSis, one where you can be honest if you’re driving each other mad? If yes, it’s only a few months, sounds like it helps you both out?

RacingAcrossTheSofa · 20/12/2025 22:19

Them moving in sounds sensible if they’re decent people. Discuss in advance, set house rules, agree when they’ll leave. Will probably be stressful at times but if everyone is determined to get on then it’ll be fine.

Is the job really realistic past that though? Sounds like night shifts will be the big issue.

PrincessofWells · 20/12/2025 22:19

Is a childminder before and after school clubs a possibility? Some around my way do offer this.

OccasionalHope · 20/12/2025 22:19

If they're reasonable people and you all get on, it sounds like a good idea for a short period.