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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have this living arrangement?

34 replies

Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:16

Had a disaster of a year which I’m trying to salvage, would appreciate anyone sharing their views.

I am a single parent and recently got a job in healthcare which is very long shifts - 12-14 hours, 3x a week, includes night shifts sometimes.

The family member who had committed to doing the wraparound care for DS so I could work this job has suddenly become unable to do so anymore - health issue related. Not sure if or when that will resolve.

I’ve been frantically trying to figure out if I can still make this job feasibly work. Around March, my shifts will reduce to around 10h 3x a week, alleviating some pressure. But I would still need 1h before and 1h after breakfast/after school club care. Considering finding a local babysitter for this - I could manage financially but night shifts would be difficult for me to cover. I have some family who could stay over here and there but it would be tricky logistically.

Have discussed with close family members about this - DSis and Bil (and toddler) are in the process of moving house, and have a couple of months which are tricky for them housing wise in Jan/Feb. We have had a discussion about them staying with us for that time rent free, in exchange for doing the awkward wrap around care and being present here while I’m doing night shifts. They would be happy to do this.

I know this will come with its challenges - we have a very calm and peaceful home and adding 3 extra people (including a toddler) is going to change the dynamic at home and be a loss of privacy. But I’m really in a lurch with my job - it is fairly well paid, my alternative would be finding a part time job around school hours until DS is older - but I’m wondering if this is the best option, rather than deal with the stress that trying to do shift work entails.

Im unlikely to secure another job similar to this in the future if I leave. I’ve also considered doing a flexible work request closer to April and reducing hours further but its unlikely to be granted because of the role.

Can anyone offer words of wisdom please? I’m in a bit of a panic.

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Original poster
Lemon1079 · 22/12/2025 11:38

Eenameenadeeka · 22/12/2025 07:24

It does sound a bit cramped but I think it could definitely work. I have a friend who needed to do something similar and it seemed good for her, and I also know of family members who have lived together and shared childcare and it worked well for everyone involved

Yes in the meantime, I am going to try and discuss flexible working arrangements with my manager. I think a reduction of hours would solve my childcare issues as I could afford a combination of babysitter/family help if I did part time. Very nervous to bring up that topic so early into employment though, in case they say no and/or hold it against me.

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Original poster
Lemon1079 · 22/12/2025 11:36

FigurativelyDying · 22/12/2025 06:44

Surely this is part of being a family? I do understand why you are asking, but I think people in other cultures would be surprised you would even think twice. Yes, it will be cramped. But it’s your sister! Unless there is a backstory you haven’t told us. I’ve never seen a better example of a mutually beneficial solution to an immediate crisis.
You’ve set me off on a little daydream about how lovely it would be if my sister had to come and stay for 2 months …

No no backstory really, it’s just going from 2 to 5 people in a two bedroom flat and how busy it’ll be. Their toddler is very boisterous and they are quite homebody people, so I pretty much won’t have any time to myself while they’re staying.

thanks for your reply!

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UxmalFan · 22/12/2025 09:20

I think your hesitation shows you are being realistic about the challenge and this will help make it work. Pretend youre all on a caravan holiday together and make it fun when spaces are squeezed. Keep talking about what would relieve any stresses, eg one family goes out all day on alternate weekends.

IndolentCat · 22/12/2025 07:28

Have the conversation with your sister and BiL- you like each other and are close, so talk through the potential pitfalls that you see arising and discuss what you’ll do in those situations. Thinking through worst-case scenarios is quite useful, I find.

Eenameenadeeka · 22/12/2025 07:24

It does sound a bit cramped but I think it could definitely work. I have a friend who needed to do something similar and it seemed good for her, and I also know of family members who have lived together and shared childcare and it worked well for everyone involved

OneLilacHare · 22/12/2025 06:49

I have lived with family (with DH and toddler) during renovations. It was stressful and hard at times but we made it work.

From my experience I would recommend they schedule a few weekends where they go and visit friends. It gives everyone a pause and a touch of breathing space without causing logistical headaches if carefully timed.

FigurativelyDying · 22/12/2025 06:44

Surely this is part of being a family? I do understand why you are asking, but I think people in other cultures would be surprised you would even think twice. Yes, it will be cramped. But it’s your sister! Unless there is a backstory you haven’t told us. I’ve never seen a better example of a mutually beneficial solution to an immediate crisis.
You’ve set me off on a little daydream about how lovely it would be if my sister had to come and stay for 2 months …

MumChp · 22/12/2025 06:39

As a nurse student I slept a few nights a week at a single mum's house and took the child to nursery. I was paid £20 - it might be a bit more 2026 but you are not the first to work out a solution.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 22/12/2025 06:33

Sidebeforeself · 21/12/2025 17:03

But you need Plan Bs. What happens if their circs change and they cant move out after 6 weeks.? And TBH you should have always had a back up plan re childcare as anybody can let you down at any time.

I do think it will be tough, but thats what families are for isn’t it?

Also my childcare falling through was my mum suddenly becoming really unwell - she’s been a huge support since I first had DS with any jobs I have had; nothing like this has happened before and her illness was completely unexpected. Very stressful/worrying times for everyone

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Original poster
Lemon1079 · 22/12/2025 06:31

JemOfAWoman · 21/12/2025 17:33

If you are in the UK you can request a change in contractual hours. This could be to just get you through the next couple of months.

be honest with your manager, explain it’s a blip and you are committed to making it work but for now you need some support.

it’s better financially for them to find a way to make this work rather than you leave and they have to recruit to replace you.

you don’t have to find a solution on your own OP!

Thank you! I’ve just been feeling so overwhelmed with the whole situation.

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Original poster
Lemon1079 · 22/12/2025 06:31

Sidebeforeself · 21/12/2025 17:03

But you need Plan Bs. What happens if their circs change and they cant move out after 6 weeks.? And TBH you should have always had a back up plan re childcare as anybody can let you down at any time.

I do think it will be tough, but thats what families are for isn’t it?

So my plan B was paying for a babysitter - but because I’m new to the job, I don’t have enough cash for that yet - but I should by Feb, at a pinch.

OP posts:
Florencesndzebedee · 21/12/2025 20:49

Live in nanny? Will cost a fortune but depends how much you’ll be earning.

JemOfAWoman · 21/12/2025 17:33

If you are in the UK you can request a change in contractual hours. This could be to just get you through the next couple of months.

be honest with your manager, explain it’s a blip and you are committed to making it work but for now you need some support.

it’s better financially for them to find a way to make this work rather than you leave and they have to recruit to replace you.

you don’t have to find a solution on your own OP!

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 17:10

What happens if they have nowhere to go on their "move out date"?

Sidebeforeself · 21/12/2025 17:03

But you need Plan Bs. What happens if their circs change and they cant move out after 6 weeks.? And TBH you should have always had a back up plan re childcare as anybody can let you down at any time.

I do think it will be tough, but thats what families are for isn’t it?

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 21/12/2025 16:42

AwkwardPaws27 · 21/12/2025 16:18

Its a short term issue and a short term solution. If its hard, its only 6 weeks. You can make it through 6 weeks.
I'd make sure they have a firm plan and date for moving out so it doesn't become any longer, but provided you have that assurance I think it sounds like a good solution.
Are they out at work / nursery etc during the day? If so I'd volunteer for nights if possible and sleep while they are out of the flat.

yeah, this is true. I have already discussed with them having a set ‘move out’ date. DSis and toddler are not working/at nursery so they’d be indoors most of the time which I think is making me feel more apprehensive. But not sure what the alternative is!

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AwkwardPaws27 · 21/12/2025 16:18

Its a short term issue and a short term solution. If its hard, its only 6 weeks. You can make it through 6 weeks.
I'd make sure they have a firm plan and date for moving out so it doesn't become any longer, but provided you have that assurance I think it sounds like a good solution.
Are they out at work / nursery etc during the day? If so I'd volunteer for nights if possible and sleep while they are out of the flat.

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 15:19

It sounds like you don't have much of a choice, but it honestly sounds like hell on earth to me.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 21/12/2025 13:55

Dinosweetpea · 21/12/2025 08:54

While in theory this could work, in a 2 bed flat its utter madness. Sorry.

Yes I can see it being really stressful. Just in such a hard to manage situation because even if I do leave this job because of the hours, I can’t just walk out because I can’t afford to without a job lined up.

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Poodleville · 21/12/2025 10:32

I think while in some ways it is not ideal, as a solution to a tricky problem you're quite lucky this is an option now (given you all get on and have been on holiday together). If you go for it, make things easier by discussing it thoroughly before you proceed. What you'll all need, how you'll handle meal times,, cleaning, noise etc.

If you studied 5 years to do this job it would be a real shame to fall at the first hurdle! 6 weeks will give you time to figure out how you'll handle your 10 hour shifts. Good luck OP!

Dinosweetpea · 21/12/2025 08:54

While in theory this could work, in a 2 bed flat its utter madness. Sorry.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:42

CottonCandyCake · 20/12/2025 22:34

It won’t be easy, but if you are all civilised people it should be manageable. Especially if you have an end date. Try and think of it as a family bonding exercise.

Thank you. Do you think 6 weeks would be too long? Im trying to figure out financially when I can afford to have a babysitter take over, but weighing that up with sharing our home and the stresses that will bring.

OP posts:
CottonCandyCake · 20/12/2025 22:34

It won’t be easy, but if you are all civilised people it should be manageable. Especially if you have an end date. Try and think of it as a family bonding exercise.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

From around March, I can afford a babysitter, but I can’t currently because of the extended shifts. From March the babysitter costs would be around 2.5h per work day - at the moment it’ll be double that, and I just cannot afford it.

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Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:27

RacingAcrossTheSofa · 20/12/2025 22:19

Them moving in sounds sensible if they’re decent people. Discuss in advance, set house rules, agree when they’ll leave. Will probably be stressful at times but if everyone is determined to get on then it’ll be fine.

Is the job really realistic past that though? Sounds like night shifts will be the big issue.

Thank you for your reply. Honestly I’m not sure the job is realistic past that - but I’m in survival mode at the moment, just trying to make a bit of a plan to get through the next few weeks. Even if I don’t stay long term, I have to keep working there for the time being for the income.

I was hoping to go part time at this role once I am more settled in - at this point the childcare issue would lessen massively.

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