Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to have known his true age before sleeping together?

487 replies

Lockingthegins · 20/12/2025 22:03

He’s bloody 18! Not 19 until April

Casual conversation and flirting lead to hotel room and sex.

Really mortified to discover he is actually 18. No, he didn’t actually tell me. I assumed he was about 21. I am 28.

I feel so, so awful. Really panicked when I found out the morning after. He doesn’t seem bothered and thinks it’s all fine. Grinning like a Cheshire ca

Good lord, I haven’t scarred him for life, have I? Please someone assure me I’m not sick in the head

I would be furious if I was his mum!

OP posts:
Thechaseison71 · 21/12/2025 18:29

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:09

Nope. Not in the real world. Most 18 year olds do not have their own car ... 🙄

Do you live in a city? Maybe if there's plenty of public transport it's not such a thing.

x2boys · 21/12/2025 18:05

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:08

They're certainly not adults!

Legally they are adults just because you dont agree ,you can't make up your own laws.

elevenpiperspiping · 21/12/2025 18:02

@SpaceRaccoon yep I have a son that age hence why I think it’s grim. I can’t imagine finding any of my sons friends attractive, they are boys not men.

SapphireSeptember · 21/12/2025 17:48

BurntBroccoli · 20/12/2025 22:53

Exactly! People are saying there is an ‘Ick’ factor when it’s the other way.

I had this, I've fancied men younger than me (I was 30, they were early/mid 20s) and a few people said it was weird! Why?

UxmalFan · 21/12/2025 17:35

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:08

They're certainly not adults!

They are adults. They vote, leave home, join the army, get married and consent to sex.

UxmalFan · 21/12/2025 17:30

As you said, he's delighted. This is nothing like a teacher having sex with a student. Two consenting adults . But you might not want to repeat now you know.

ClearFruit · 21/12/2025 17:19

RollyPollyBatFace · 20/12/2025 22:21

Well as the mother of a 19 year old son, yeah, I’d be unimpressed with you that’s for sure

having said that, I’m not likely to know so meh

but next time - check? It’s only by luck he wasn’t 17. And are you really telling me you couldn’t tell he was 18?!

Out of interest, what does being 17 have to do with it? Why is it 'luck' that he wasn't 17? The AOC is 16.

SexyFrenchDepression · 21/12/2025 17:15

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:09

Nope. Not in the real world. Most 18 year olds do not have their own car ... 🙄

Pretty much all my DS1s friends had cars from passing their test at 17/18. Just because its not your experience doesnt mean it isnt others. I quite believe there are people who dont have cars at 18 but doesnt mean my experience is the same.

SexyFrenchDepression · 21/12/2025 17:12

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:08

They're certainly not adults!

At 18 yes they are, by law. My youngest has been working full time since he was 16, my eldest went to college but was working (self employed) earning a full time wage alongside it. They most definitely weren't schoolboys. Stop infantilising 18 yos. If you treat them like children they'll behave like them.

Being adults doesnt mean they know all there is to know and are buying their own houses etc of course but they are an adult at 18 whether you want to admit that or not. Legally can do as they please.

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:09

Thechaseison71 · 21/12/2025 16:56

What? All the 18 year olds I know had cars except one

Nope. Not in the real world. Most 18 year olds do not have their own car ... 🙄

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:08

SexyFrenchDepression · 21/12/2025 17:03

You finish school at 16 in the UK. College is not school, they are certainly not school children.

They're certainly not adults!

SexyFrenchDepression · 21/12/2025 17:07

Thechaseison71 · 21/12/2025 16:56

What? All the 18 year olds I know had cars except one

Yep, same.

SexyFrenchDepression · 21/12/2025 17:03

TrishM80 · 21/12/2025 15:57

18 is schoolboy age.

You finish school at 16 in the UK. College is not school, they are certainly not school children.

Thechaseison71 · 21/12/2025 16:56

Zov · 21/12/2025 16:39

Oh come on! The situation your son was in at 18 is not likely to be that way for the vast majority of 18 year olds. I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of teenagers I have ever known who have their own CAR. Most young people can't even get a bloody driving test for half a year these days! And if they fail, they have to wait another half a year for another test! And the vast majority of people I know (under 40 especially) certainly didn't leave school at 16. (As you say your older son did.)

And your other son was house sharing with people as a teenager, and also working and completely independent, and paying his own way?!

They are definitely the exception to the rule, and it's farcical to suggest that most teenagers will be in the same position. You're deluded if you think that!

Unless your sons were born in the 1950s, (or earlier in the 20th century!) I find their situations extremely rare.

What? All the 18 year olds I know had cars except one

Thechaseison71 · 21/12/2025 16:55

Hmm think of the darts player Luke littler. He's 18 but looks older than my 22 year old ds

Zov · 21/12/2025 16:39

notacooldad · 21/12/2025 16:31

Honestly I think a lot of the discomfort here is women who have sons that age

At 18 ds1 had left home and had been working for the two years since he left school. H was driving, had his own car and was acting like a fully functioning adult. Why would I care who he had a ONS with as long as it was consensual.

Similar to ds2, he had left college and was house sharing and working.
I certainly didnt see my 18 year old as boys.
They were/ are entitled to a private life I dont need to know what goes on.

Oh come on! The situation your son was in at 18 is not likely to be that way for the vast majority of 18 year olds. I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of teenagers I have ever known who have their own CAR. Most young people can't even get a bloody driving test for half a year these days! And if they fail, they have to wait another half a year for another test! And the vast majority of people I know (under 40 especially) certainly didn't leave school at 16. (As you say your older son did.)

And your other son was house sharing with people as a teenager, and also working and completely independent, and paying his own way?!

They are definitely the exception to the rule, and it's farcical to suggest that most teenagers will be in the same position. You're deluded if you think that!

Unless your sons were born in the 1950s, (or earlier in the 20th century!) I find their situations extremely rare.

notacooldad · 21/12/2025 16:31

Honestly I think a lot of the discomfort here is women who have sons that age

At 18 ds1 had left home and had been working for the two years since he left school. H was driving, had his own car and was acting like a fully functioning adult. Why would I care who he had a ONS with as long as it was consensual.

Similar to ds2, he had left college and was house sharing and working.
I certainly didnt see my 18 year old as boys.
They were/ are entitled to a private life I dont need to know what goes on.

Zov · 21/12/2025 16:31

Charlenedickens · 21/12/2025 14:54

Very curious thread, a recent thread on here had a 33 year old ex sleeping with a younger woman in this range, can’t recall she was 21 I think and people were calling him a paedo, when he had said he also didn’t know.

Typical double standards that you often see on here.

Zov · 21/12/2025 16:30

PrincessofWells · 21/12/2025 14:54

Staying power?

Wow, so you think a man of 27-28 doesn't have 'staying power' in the sack, and a teenager will be better. 😂 Not gonna lie, I genuinely feel sorry for you if this is your experience!

Needmorelego · 21/12/2025 16:29

TrishM80 · 21/12/2025 15:57

18 is schoolboy age.

Only if he actually is at school.
Most 18 (almost 19) year olds aren't.

GingerBeverage · 21/12/2025 16:21

This is when we find out his mum is on here.

Boomer55 · 21/12/2025 16:08

TrishM80 · 20/12/2025 22:26

Mad double standards

This. If it had been the other way around, the responses would have been very different. 🙄

x2boys · 21/12/2025 16:06

TrishM80 · 21/12/2025 15:57

18 is schoolboy age.

Hes 19 in April so will have left education last June, my son is 19 on Boxing day and hasent been a school boy for nearly three years.

TrishM80 · 21/12/2025 15:57

x2boys · 21/12/2025 13:26

Ultimately hes not schoolboy age HTH.

18 is schoolboy age.

x2boys · 21/12/2025 15:33

SpaceRaccoon · 21/12/2025 15:25

Honestly I think a lot of the discomfort here is women who have sons that age.

My son is that age ,whilst I wouldn't be overjoyed about it ,theres nothing i could do about it becsuse despite the infantilising,on here hes an adult ,hes not a school boy as some posters are trying to suggest
Also its a one night stand i had a a few on my single days so it would be pretty hypocritical of me to judge.