Page 7 | To not go back to full time work

Karma1387 · 2025-12-20T19:19:23+00:00

Just looking for some advise on if I would be silly/unreasonable to not return to full time work post kids. For a bit of background I currently have a toddler and due baby number 2 soon. I left my retail management job after finishing maternity leave with DC 1 and I have just worked 2 days a week as a shop assistant for the last year and now currently on maternity leave before DC2 comes in a few months. My partner earns around 50k although this may decrease slightly in the next 2 years as we are moving areas and he may come off nights. I have no desire to go back to a management career as I don't want to lose out on the time with my kids or the stress. I looked at what I would earn full time minimum wage in a full time job (as well as pension contributions) which would be a bring home of around 19500 and £75 a month into my pension. However the cost of wrap around childcare (if we only had 2 children) as well as holiday clubs would cost around £10500 (based on current costs who knows in 2-4 years when kids start school. Personally as someone who doesn't want to move up the career ladder would I be better off just staying as a basic shop worker 2 days a week and having more time with my kids?

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 10:22

MrsFaustus · 21/12/2025 10:20

Sorry may have misunderstood but you own a house which is in your name only? Then getting married may not be the right thing to do as if you split your husband would have a claim.

So what?

If she's supposed to protect herself financially,so can be.

If the OP does there's TWO KIDS left, and what, they should be made homeless and motherless?

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 10:21

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 10:17

All our money is completely joint. We use the joint account for everything and keep a very small amount each as our personal spend if we wanted to spend it on a new game or something.

We both run and big purchases by eachother but he doesn't scrutinise what I spend or when. I actually handle all of the budgeting and bits.

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Again...that small amount in his name.... You won't be entitled to it upon death...nor he yours...

Unless you both have very good wills? And you're hoping they don't get contested by either family?

MrsFaustus · 21/12/2025 10:20

Sorry may have misunderstood but you own a house which is in your name only? Then getting married may not be the right thing to do as if you split your husband would have a claim.

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 10:20

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 10:15

All our bank accounts are joint and house is in my name not his but I hadn't really considered the hospital side of things so thank you.

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Well, you're not married and have a joint account?

So if he dies... That's part of his estate, that needs to perhaps be put through intestacy if he has no will... Or the executor of the will would do that. Are you his executor? Does he have a will? Will you inherit everything? Are you sure?

What happens if YOU die? Your house will go to who? ...the kids? He'll be homeless with two kids... He'll have none of your assets...

Neither of you are entitled to anything...

Original poster

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 10:19

kittywittyandpretty · 21/12/2025 10:15

Is this house rented or bought you keep saying there’s no assets but the house is in your name? So is there an asset or not?
That’s the only thing that matters to be deadly honest. With regards to marriage

With regards to whether you should stay at home and acquire your own assets in your own name yes of course you bloody well should.

Start watching and learning from people around you about compounded interest, The single most important thing you have on your side is time
Even tiny amounts of money can accumulate into reasonable sums just by being in the game so to speak
If you’re not in it, you can’t win it

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I mean no assets of his to be split. The house is mine (not a huge amount of equity) the equity will be used in 2027 when we relocate to buy our joint house plus pay off debt.

OP posts:

Original poster

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 10:17

VioletSpeedwell · 21/12/2025 10:14

OP - will your DP see his salary as family money or will he be a twat and say it's his because he's earned it?

Will you have a joint account or will he be transferring "housekeeping" to you with you having to ask for extra when needed. Or going without because he says no.

Im amazed by the number of women on MN who are in this position.

Being a SAHM/working PT is only viable if he respects what you're doing and doesn't act the Big I Am.

All our money is completely joint. We use the joint account for everything and keep a very small amount each as our personal spend if we wanted to spend it on a new game or something.

We both run and big purchases by eachother but he doesn't scrutinise what I spend or when. I actually handle all of the budgeting and bits.

OP posts:

kittywittyandpretty · 21/12/2025 10:15

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 10:13

The house is in my name currently so I'm not worried about that. But yes I am getting the hint that we need to sort the marriage.

The main thing for me based on so many responses regarding marriage is if we got married say tomorrow, would your response then be different to me focusing on kids until at least secondary school?

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Is this house rented or bought you keep saying there’s no assets but the house is in your name? So is there an asset or not?
That’s the only thing that matters to be deadly honest. With regards to marriage

With regards to whether you should stay at home and acquire your own assets in your own name yes of course you bloody well should.

Start watching and learning from people around you about compounded interest, The single most important thing you have on your side is time
Even tiny amounts of money can accumulate into reasonable sums just by being in the game so to speak
If you’re not in it, you can’t win it

Nevermind17 · 21/12/2025 10:15

Karma1387 · 20/12/2025 19:47

Thank you for the reply. Thw reason I look at childcare as my cost is because thw reality is its my income/hours I'm looking to increase so for me its about if the sacrifice is worth it to me. A full time bring home is around £1650 after pension, compared to £1000 I bring home working 2 days as I'm under the tax threshold. For me it is about is that extra £650 a month (which will get eaten up and more by childcare when they are at school age) is worth working the extra 22 hours a week and missing out on that time.

Once I'm off maternity leave in a years time I would go back to putting £40 a month into my pension.

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£40 a month into a pension is nothing, especially if you’ve had a career break of a few years. If you want a comfortable retirement the recommendation is that you pay half your age as a percentage of your net pay, so if you’re 30, you should pay 15%.

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 10:15

PersephonePomegranate · 21/12/2025 10:10

Marriage is essential for someone like you, and the quicker the better.

Can I as why it's essential? They rent and have no assets. What would the OP have access to if they were married and divorced that she wouldn't if they split up as partners?

That's why the OP hasn't treated it as essential so far as I understand it.

Let's say the rental is in his name she could lose her house if he dies. If he leaves, she's the homeless one. If he dies she can't claim his (small) pension, she can't make any decisions about treatment, she can't administer his (small) estate.

Original poster

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 10:15

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 10:13

It's not just about potential divorce.

If he dies, she will have NO legal say in what happens at hospital, nobody from the hospital will ask her, or tell her anything..it will be his NOK. If he has no will, it will all go to his kids, OP can't touch it. If there is a will, it needs the watertight to make sure OP gets anything due, otherwise it could be contested by the family (and we all know what "oh, but they're lovely" families can turn like when there's money involved)
Anything in partners names she won't be entitled to she won't be able to do any if the admin, like shutting down bank accounts etc

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All our bank accounts are joint and house is in my name not his but I hadn't really considered the hospital side of things so thank you.

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VioletSpeedwell · 21/12/2025 10:14

OP - will your DP see his salary as family money or will he be a twat and say it's his because he's earned it?

Will you have a joint account or will he be transferring "housekeeping" to you with you having to ask for extra when needed. Or going without because he says no.

Im amazed by the number of women on MN who are in this position.

Being a SAHM/working PT is only viable if he respects what you're doing and doesn't act the Big I Am.

kittywittyandpretty · 21/12/2025 10:13

WaryHiker · 21/12/2025 10:07

You say there's no rush to get married because there are no assets to split. But what you fail to recognise is that your career has already taken a hit due to having children. You have moved out of the work that you loved and are now talking about spending the rest of your life doing minimum wage jobs you don't particularly enjoy just so that you can prioritise your children.

I'm all for doing that if it's what you want, but you are enabling your partner to progress his career at the expense of yours. This disparity is going to increase throughout your life and affect your earning power and your means of support during retirement. Marriage is essential for someone like you, and the quicker the better.

It doesn’t matter whether his career progresses if they’re not acquiring assets as a result.
That is the key.
When there’s something worth splitting even if it’s his private pension that’s the point you need to get married

Original poster

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 10:13

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 10:08

Until the family question itz and you have no home and have no say in what happens at the hospital, or the funeral
... Hope his will is watertight too.

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The house is in my name currently so I'm not worried about that. But yes I am getting the hint that we need to sort the marriage.

The main thing for me based on so many responses regarding marriage is if we got married say tomorrow, would your response then be different to me focusing on kids until at least secondary school?

OP posts:

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 10:13

PersephonePomegranate · 21/12/2025 09:48

People always go on about being married assuming there would are assets/wealth. It's very common for people who were married to not do well financially out of divorce and have ex husbands defrauding CMS or pay as little as they can. Being married is not always the silver bullet they think it is.

Do what you can afford but make sure you really look at it. It's interesting that you think ahead in terms of childcare costs when it's a reason not to work FT (because who knows what the childcare costs will be in the future) but not your pensions when you can pretty much guarantee that future govt input will not sustain you in old age! I'm not trying to be mean, but my point is to really look at it not just use confirmation bias to achieve the answer you want.

Is there much overtime available with retail work and would it be easy to increase your hours if need be? I always think its important to consider how easy that would be if your circumstances changed.

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It's not just about potential divorce.

If he dies, she will have NO legal say in what happens at hospital, nobody from the hospital will ask her, or tell her anything..it will be his NOK. If he has no will, it will all go to his kids, OP can't touch it. If there is a will, it needs the watertight to make sure OP gets anything due, otherwise it could be contested by the family (and we all know what "oh, but they're lovely" families can turn like when there's money involved)
Anything in partners names she won't be entitled to she won't be able to do any if the admin, like shutting down bank accounts etc

PersephonePomegranate · 21/12/2025 10:10

Marriage is essential for someone like you, and the quicker the better.

Can I as why it's essential? They rent and have no assets. What would the OP have access to if they were married and divorced that she wouldn't if they split up as partners?

That's why the OP hasn't treated it as essential so far as I understand it.

Original poster

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 10:10

Winterwonderwhy · 21/12/2025 10:05

and this is why so many women don’t deserve sympathy when it goes to shit. You are in such a foolish and unwise situation by not being married, having two very young kids and a very minimum wage job. Women have ALL the information today, ALL and yet make such bad decisions.

So if we got married tomorrow your opinion would change and it is no longer foolish?

The marriage part can be sorted whenever. Its me who keeps putting it off. He would happily do it at the earliest appointment.

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VioletSpeedwell · 21/12/2025 10:09

Gallivant · 21/12/2025 09:22

God, I'm glad my mother wasn't such a wetwipe.

She did a great job raising you ...

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 10:08

Karma1387 · 20/12/2025 19:42

Thank you for your input. His pension at the moment is very small so I guess I haven't felt much of a rush as we don't have an assets etc at the moment to worry about and I am the beneficiary of his work death in service and life insurance so I am covered in that respect if he did tragically die.

But I understand its wise to sort getting married eventually just to cover ourselves legally.

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Until the family question itz and you have no home and have no say in what happens at the hospital, or the funeral
... Hope his will is watertight too.

WaryHiker · 21/12/2025 10:07

You say there's no rush to get married because there are no assets to split. But what you fail to recognise is that your career has already taken a hit due to having children. You have moved out of the work that you loved and are now talking about spending the rest of your life doing minimum wage jobs you don't particularly enjoy just so that you can prioritise your children.

I'm all for doing that if it's what you want, but you are enabling your partner to progress his career at the expense of yours. This disparity is going to increase throughout your life and affect your earning power and your means of support during retirement. Marriage is essential for someone like you, and the quicker the better.

ChristmasRobinFly · 21/12/2025 10:05

I think it’s crazy to even have kids with someone if your not married to them you’ve already put yourself into a vulnerable position already…

Winterwonderwhy · 21/12/2025 10:05

and this is why so many women don’t deserve sympathy when it goes to shit. You are in such a foolish and unwise situation by not being married, having two very young kids and a very minimum wage job. Women have ALL the information today, ALL and yet make such bad decisions.

Original poster

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 10:01

PersephonePomegranate · 21/12/2025 09:48

People always go on about being married assuming there would are assets/wealth. It's very common for people who were married to not do well financially out of divorce and have ex husbands defrauding CMS or pay as little as they can. Being married is not always the silver bullet they think it is.

Do what you can afford but make sure you really look at it. It's interesting that you think ahead in terms of childcare costs when it's a reason not to work FT (because who knows what the childcare costs will be in the future) but not your pensions when you can pretty much guarantee that future govt input will not sustain you in old age! I'm not trying to be mean, but my point is to really look at it not just use confirmation bias to achieve the answer you want.

Is there much overtime available with retail work and would it be easy to increase your hours if need be? I always think its important to consider how easy that would be if your circumstances changed.

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I guess the reason I dont think ahead for my pension at the moment is my pension contributions both part time and if I went full time on minimum wage are minimal. Once our financial situation is better (debt free plus moved house) we will then look at increasing our pension contributions especially my partner.

In terms of overtime in my current role I cant do any even if it was available as I work the 2 nights my partner isnt. Id like to find a daytime retail role but overtime can be sparse except for key times like christmas but it does occasionally come up although issue with daytime shifts are the often start at 6am or finish at 10pm which I couldn't do because of the kids so it would be a little hard to pick up the extra shifts.

OP posts:

PersephonePomegranate · 21/12/2025 09:48

Karma1387 · 20/12/2025 19:42

Thank you for your input. His pension at the moment is very small so I guess I haven't felt much of a rush as we don't have an assets etc at the moment to worry about and I am the beneficiary of his work death in service and life insurance so I am covered in that respect if he did tragically die.

But I understand its wise to sort getting married eventually just to cover ourselves legally.

Show quote history

People always go on about being married assuming there would are assets/wealth. It's very common for people who were married to not do well financially out of divorce and have ex husbands defrauding CMS or pay as little as they can. Being married is not always the silver bullet they think it is.

Do what you can afford but make sure you really look at it. It's interesting that you think ahead in terms of childcare costs when it's a reason not to work FT (because who knows what the childcare costs will be in the future) but not your pensions when you can pretty much guarantee that future govt input will not sustain you in old age! I'm not trying to be mean, but my point is to really look at it not just use confirmation bias to achieve the answer you want.

Is there much overtime available with retail work and would it be easy to increase your hours if need be? I always think its important to consider how easy that would be if your circumstances changed.

Original poster

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 09:39

THisbackwithavengeance · 21/12/2025 09:19

I get you’re not fussed for marriage. But this isn’t about a ceremony and fuss and expense. This is business.

Yes I appreciate that and we will look into arranging something between when the baby is born in a few months and I go back to work next year. No rush as currently not any 'assets' to split.

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Original poster

Karma1387 · 21/12/2025 09:37

Gallivant · 21/12/2025 09:22

God, I'm glad my mother wasn't such a wetwipe.

Its a 'wetwipe' to want to have time with your kids as they grow up? Not have to miss their nativity or not be able to put them into the clubs they want because you can't get them there. Being able to be fully present and not rushed or stressed.

Not sure I would deem that a 'wetwipe' but everyone has different views and priorities.

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