To not go back to full time work

A shame to read a thread about potentially the most exciting next steps in your life jump straight to divorce and death!
Absolutely, work part-time if the sums add up for you both, and it sounds like your priority is family over work, which is perfectly valid despite much of what i've just read. I imagine you would continue to do 1 or 2 days when the children are young (in my estimation the next 5 years or so) then you can always return to more hours. Best of luck however you decide to go ahead

Agree, as is continuing to build up pension contributions which compound over time. And maintaining an identity and worldview outside of being a wife and mother.

I financially didn’t need to return to work but chose to go back full time after six months maternity leave. Continuing to progress in my career was important.

Is this even a question? If you won’t be better off financially why would you do it?

You talk about the ‘generous benefit system’ for single parents whilst forgetting that it is the tax payer who pays for it.I can’t improve my earnings as I am retired and I have lost the winter fuel allowance for pensioners this year. I am really angered by people who think they can just stay at home and let the state foot the bill.

Do you have family money or something? Or are your outgoing very low? i am pleased to hear that on an income of £70K a year, you can be mortgage free when you are in your 50’s. I guess it depends on the cost of your house.

Based on everything you said, I don’t think there is a lot to be gained by you working more. Sounds as though you are able to give your kids everything they need (rather than want).

to the high earner PP who said she has full flexibility as she is senior in her career - this is something I try to tell YP who are trying to go into a career such as in Medicine or when the career is appointment or schedule based. Unfortunately most YP don’t get it. The point being not all careers offer the same flexibility irrespective of seniority.

@Karma1387the only other thing I would double check with it to ensure your DP is 10% on board with the plan and doesn’t resent being the pressure of working outside the home and being the main breadwinner.

DT’s got the tube to school and back on their own from age 11. Although they did lots of after school activities, sometimes they were home before DH and I. Wasn’t a problem - they helped themselves to a snack and we had dinner together when we were all home.

You wouldn’t be unreasonable - but I would honestly get married ASAP. More for the security than anything else as you want to be covered just in case the worst happens and you’re only working PT. I worked until we got married and then gave it up. FWIW, I loved being at home for my eldest even when he was old enough to be by himself. I didnt find myself rattling around the house or anything

Nothing wrong with that plan with young children but there is absolutely no need to be hanging around the house 3 days a week with older children until they turn 12/13.

In many careers, people don't gain seniority and flexibility until the kids are closer to teenagers or older. It is a question of whether you are prepared to do the hard yards now or postpone it till later. Many parents find they become indispensable when the children are older as their problems become more complex (emotional, SEN, relationships, academics, career choices) that only a parent can help resolve. No nanny can even hope to touch those issues.

It is easy when the dcs are younger as any kind carer can soothe a scuffed knee.

I understand your not wanting to miss their childhood. But that is arguably more for your benefit. The real benefit for your dcs is for you to build up your career when they are young so that you come into seniority and flexibility and be around for them when they need you the most.

In addition, don't underestimate the leg up that financial support you have the option of providing for their university/maintenance and house deposit. It is now an inheritocracy and those dcs with the Bank of Mum and Dad to help them will pull away from the rest of their peers in ways which are very unfair and lead to generational advantages.

I realise my post has come out harsher than I expected. Just a message from someone with older kids.

The early years of paying into a pension are so much more important than the later ones because of compounding.

So many people say 'next year' about marriage and saving but next year is like tomorrow. It never comes because kids and life end up being far more expensive than planned.

I hope it works out for you.

The thing is it’s possible to do both. I appreciate I’m fortunate in my career choice but I am a high earner and have full flexibility so can be there for every sports day etc (my 2 are in primary school). I earn well, have built a good career (and pension), am around with the children and can always support them in future with university, house deposit. Building a career gives you more flexibility, although I appreciate that may not be so in retail.

Ok.

You have clearly made your mind up.

You keep banging on about your partner's pension - why are you not concerned about building your own pension pot? Contributing equally to any future mortgage? Maybe even saving for your children's university education?

You have debt and children. I would suggest you need to get back to full-time work asap.

Get married and work to maintain some financial independence + work opportunities in the future. You’re very naive if you think it’s impossible for things to go wrong and that the previous aren’t essential in your situation.