Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

100% this.

😂😂😂 that would be interesting

PLEASE report back after Christmas and let us know how it went!

I think the OP should invite them to dinner the same day and sit them all together…

Would you feel comfortableraising it with him before the day? Maybe say you are nervous about catering for so many people and how much does he think you should cook, ie how much he and his partner would be expecting to eat? That way if he says something like 20 pigs in blankets, you could respond with "that's crazy, noone would eat that amount do you know how expensive it would be!". It sounds like you had a really tough time as kids and maybe some of his issues stem from this so I completely understand why you would never want to upset him over it all, but it's also really hard if others are going without because of them x

do what they do at a carvery, plate up the things like meat/yorkies/pigs in blankets and then let them at the 5p veg.

I would absolutely not allow someone to eat food that’s allocated for others, eating that amount is pure greed and not hunger.

I think you need to have a conversation with him NOW, before the dinner, either by phone or text. Be kind and diplomatic, but do point out how selfish he is being.

He may be slightly hurt but you’ll be doing him a favour. His behaviour around food will have caused consternation not just amongst family. Does he really want to be considered rude?

I had guests like this once and would go with PP suggestion of plating the food. Once everyone has had a normal portion you can leave the dishes on the table for the big eaters to help themselves. Definitely don't let them serve themselves pudding though - thats just cruel to everyone else (I'm a pudding person!)

If they are like my guests, they won't ever get full enough from snacks and 'picky bits' to put less on their plates. In their head, if the food is there you eat it and stuff anyone else and they never feel full.

We have PIL coming for a meal today and FIL is greedy and inconsiderate with food so we now plate up in the kitchen and serve everyone. It’s not how I like to host and it makes me resentful as we are generous hosts and FIL’s behaviour has spoiled many family meals after hours in the kitchen.

OP, quite apart from the Christmas issue which you have asked for opinions about and received some helpful suggestions, is there any way that this can be raised with your brother more generally as a matter of concern regarding his health? It sounds as if you took on a somewhat motherly role as he was the youngest and you were left in charge of providing meals for younger siblings - would he listen to you trying to tell him it's time to address his eating habits in the interests of his health? It's clear you love him and don't want to hurt him so I imagine he trusts you and might respond to you? The eating habits you describe sound like an eating disorder - an addiction to food

Yes, women tend not to overeat in public because it is so frowned upon. Men can get away with it more.

I sympathise with you. It sounds so selfish of them.

For me it’s the selfishness. My MIL though not a big eater will think nothing of squirting half a bottle of mayo on her plate or taking half the coleslaw & not even use a tenth of what she’s taken. This also annoys my SIL who now man marks her mom because she also thinks it’s selfish & once brought it up where my MIL said I should buy enough. Well after she finished eating my SIL went and got her plate & said there is about 6 portions left on here mom so she did but enough but you’re to selfish realise others exist. I wouldn’t condone this usually but my MIL isn’t shy to try and embarrass others so it was just a touch of her own medicine

I wouldn’t invite them and I would tell them why. I don’t believe in excusing greed or bad manners. I wouldn’t want to be spending time with people whose values and behaviour don’t resonate with my own and that includes family.

I have the opposite problem. A relative that will invite everyone round and lay out a buffet. They then sit there eying up exactly what everyone is putting on their plates and waiting to wisk all the food away “ to put in the fridge” in case it “ goes off”. I think this is equally as rude as your brothers excessive food consumption. I would plate up all the stuff you only have a certain amount of ie. Meat, pigs in blankets and roast potatoes then let people add their own veg gravy etc. with desert i would plate it up and hand it out.

I'd plate it up or let others go first. My Dad has a big appetite, he's not overweight just a big man and when he visits I feel there is not enough food and so I just plate it up. However, DH loves cooking and always does excessive amounts so I'm leaving it to him this Christmas. I like to get it just right and don't really like leftovers as it doesn't get eaten but DH is very much a host who likes to be overly generous with food and wine so I think my Dad prefers that!

Some one has put get them to bring some dishes & this is a good idea. I would possibly ask other to contribute something for the dinner also.

I don’t think pointing out 9 Yorkshire puddings is out of order either. So what it hurt his feelings. He was being completely rude especially when they try & be first up they know what they’re doing. His feelings cannot be put before all others. Playing the hurt card is more manipulative than you think especially if it hasn’t changed his behaviour. If I was catering for 14 people I’d probably do about 20 yorkshire puds so to take 9 would mean someone is definitely not getting one. Roasters about 4 a person with a dozen spare etc. someone is bound to mention you’ve cooked and be thankful I would very vocally turn this convo into how you do it. I’d say very clearly you make sure everyone can have x amount of everything & if they finish that there is always extras the can pick at after.

I bet there were plenty of bread rolls at the sisters wedding, but that didn't stop them demolishing the cheese.

OP I think your brother is getting a temporary psychological fix from this behaviour and other people's reactions, and it won't be placated with cheap carbs.

OP, your description of the trifle really stood out to me. It wasn't enough to eat half of it, he had to spoil it for the rest. There's a communication from the past going on. There always is with food, in my experience.

It sounds like you're running around trying to make sure everyone gets what they need, and it's very difficult to imagine you getting to enjoy the meal you'll have prepared in all of this.

Growing up in a big family without very 'in control' parents leads to disordered and competitive eating. We all do it to one degree or another, I eat far too quickly, one brother eats like yours. Go easy on yourselves OP and enjoy your families company. You all got thru and are here to enjoy Xmas.
And yes, snacks, starters and serving not taking your own is the way forward.

Sorry to say OP but eating the top layer of of trife made me laugh so much. He sounds a bit bonkers. 8 yorkshire puddings?!

Agree with all the advice on here about filling them up cheaply. If you stand doing it, i usually nip to the shops just before closing and always manage to get a really reduced cheese selection and loads of bargains.

I have a SIL like this - she is autistic and has a food obsession. When we are eating, if I put my knife and fork down between mouthfuls she says ‘ are you not going to eat that - I’ll have it?’ It drives me mad as she is continually scoping the table. I have told her several times that you’ll know when I’ve finished as I put my knife and fork together.

It sounds like no one has ever called him out on this behaviour. I think I’d be inclined to have a quiet word before the meal to establish a few boundaries.

somehow this makes it worse for me - to have TWO big men scoffing all the food so no one else can have any. Yuck. It would make me sick to watch.

Curious as to whether your brother and his partner will comply with the safety measures people are suggesting such as your plating up and keeping food back.
If they completely ignore all social convention and decency when it comes to leaving food for others, I'm not sure they would care about breaking down those systems.

Yes it will help if you have others to help you police the food, but at some point that would probably involve someone saying something, at the very least, "you need to leave some for the others". I don't think that can be avoided (and it seems like you don't want to address this with him directly?)

Fill them up on bread. I'd plate up and put thick slices of buttered bread on their plates under the potatoes and gravy and put more bread on the table.

This
And actually, gorging on such huge amounts of food regularly isn’t doing their health much good. Yes, I know it’s Christmas dinner and we can allow ourselves to indulge that bit more but there are limits…….seems like Pinky and Perky don’t even acknowledge theirs.