Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

If I were you I would put the meat ,piginblankets , yorkshires and roasties on the plates . Then they just all help themselves to veg and gravy . The food will be shared out more fairly that way . My daughter is cooking for 14 this year and this is what she does . Good luck whatever you decide to do . Happy Christmas 🤶

Definitely plate up the meals for the meat, roasted items and Yorkshire puddings etc. Then have serving dishes of boiled potatoes and vegetables, ensuring that these are at the other end of the table from your brother, so you and your other guests get what they want first. Same for the desserts.
Personally I wouldn't accept this behaviour in my house and would take him to one side over it, but from your post it seems like entrenched behaviour.

When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

don't do that British thing of hinting and hoping.
Use actual words. So in the above case, someone takes the plate off him, and tells him that he is eating the food that other people deserve to have

Agree with others, cook loads and loads of the veg and give him an overloaded plate of that. Make sure to serve everyone before anyone gets to have "seconds" stab his hand with a fork if he does not comply.

I agree with dishing up yourself.

The man clearly has an eating disorder, so he's not going to take hints or even stop if he does get full up. Most people are very conscious of what they take in a group self-serve scenario and under take, then go for seconds if they feel comfortable doing that. There are obviously huge issues at play here that can't be tackled in this setting.

i worked with a young girl a few years ago who had this sort of appetite and absolutely no restraint around food.
Works birthday or Xmas parties or meals out were ruined by her grabbing whatever she could from the table and blatantly eyeing up others meals. She would openly ask if we’d finished with our food before scraping it all on her plate.

We worked in a restaurant and she would take the customers plates to the kitchen, and instead of binning the leftovers, she would shove them in her mouth with her hands!

It is some sort of compulsion or eating disorder, surely, to need so much food, way beyond what everyone else eats? I felt sorry for this girl I knew, barely in her 20s, but physically way, way overweight.

Im not sure how you can deal with this OP, but I agree with so many who have said to plate food up, keep some back for others to have seconds, and put extra veg and Yorkers by them so they have “enough” without coveting everyone else’s.

Best of luck! 🎄

I'd just plate everyone's plates out and maybe down a few bowls/serving plates of leftovers.
Also just hand them a smallish plate and hide the large serving plates. There's only so much you can load them things. Or try to get them to go last.

I'm so sorry you were in this position. It wasn't fair on any of you kids and you deserved better.

It might make sense slightly of his dysfunctional relationship with food, if he's grown up not always being able to predict what or how much he'll get to eat. A lot of children with this type of trauma over-eat pathologically when they get the chance, and maybe he's never dealt with that.

Reading your first message I thought he was neurodivergent: not being aware of social cues, perhaps treating eating as a sensory-seeking or dopamine chasing behaviour.

I absolutely can't diagnose him but I think this is far beyond someone being "vile" or gluttonous as Mumsnet says. Particularly as he feels bad when it's pointed out to him. It does sound like there's something pathological to it. That doesn't necessarily help you practically or excuse his thoughtlessness, but it's something to hold in mind if you find yourself feeling particularly frustrated. It sounds like you and your sisters have come up with a good plan, though.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas!

I think we have 24 for 5 of us. But only four of us will eat them 😅

I hate gluttony (which is what this is) and it actually puts me off my own food. I’d plate up tbh -are they the type to raid your cupboards?

The pair od them sound like savages. Can you just flag with him in advance that he and his girlfriend will need to rein it in as their appetites will bankrupt you. Not cool.

By the sounds of it I seriously doubt this guy gives enough of a shit about his own health to go on mounjaro

Just hold your brother back, so everyone else gets a chance to food items, just say let everyone have some then it’s fair - after that he will clearly fill his boots. Not drama just as him to get something from upstairs or sit next to him and distract him

My ex SiL was a version of this, living off everyone else's generosity. There's need and there's greed. It was really horrible. I'd make enough to feed 10 of us a balanced meal and she'd take more than her fair share of the best bits and leave the other things for us. I accommodated it at first by making more and more food, but she'd wait at the end and ask if she could take leftovers home. In the end I trained the kids to call her Aunty Doggy-Bag and pulled her up on it in front of the rest of the family. Disgusting behaviour.

We had a party for our 25th WA. The invites went out saying 12 (noon) to 9pm party and buffet. BIL and SIL arrived at 9pm wanting food and saying they thought it would be a "late" party!!! WTF. Food was still on buffet table, although not looking very appetising (it had been refreshed during the day). Puddings had run out, so I opened a catering tin of fruit salad. If you look at my previous posts you will see that they "invited themselves" to sunday lunch when, at that time, we were very short of money, i.e. one full time earner, 1 casual waitress, 2 children and very high energy costs. They were 2 full time earners (high wages) with no children and low energy needs.

Stuff I've not seen mentioned:

• if they're worried about there not being enough food from childhood experiences. You know your brother's but maybe not his partner's. You might say to them that it's fine for them to bring their own favourite snacks / cereals etc with them. (Imagine you don't have fridge space for them to bring more meats etc). This isn't bad hosting - it's helping them feel safer about the food supply - they have their own supplies under their control.

• when thinking about extra filling things go for higher protein and fibre things in addition to the higher carb things eg. extra carrots and parsnips that are cheap, porridge oats (flapjacks, porridge with cranberries and other Christmassy fruit etc). Eggs and cheeses are good too. These are going to be better at helping them feel full than potatoes and Yorkshire puddings. Though jacket potatoes with beans is another good idea for reasonably cheap filling food - they could go in the oven while you're eating the main course.

• alcohol can stimulate appetite so try to serve it with food rather than by itself.

But he's your brother, hes not a stranger or a distant relative - why can't you just tell him to wind it in? Make it a bit jokey if you need to, but just tell him!

No, but he might be a bear.

Is your brother a pig?🐖

Bears on the gay scene because they eat a big Christmas dinner?
One never knows what might be said next in a Mumsnet thread.
It’s hilarious.

Very gently and not wanting to be, or sound, judgemental but what is being eaten is crazy and very unhealthy.
I am wondering if they are 'bears' on the gay scene which would mean being on the larger side is a requirement.
I am only posting this as a possible reason for their behaviour because there has to be an underlying reason or motivation for eating that amount of food, I have never heard anything like it!

Buy or make some root vegetable mash and put a huge helping on their plates. Serve everyone and the allow them to add more afterwards. Have dinner rolls on the table. Give them big cups of something fizzy before and offer filling canapés as that will also fill them up a bit too. Buy cheap pudding for them to have too. Bring that out first and then bring out the more expensive one so everyone can try it…

Not the point. I'm sure people are serving plenty of food.

If someone took half the potatoes and didn't leave enough for everyone else, that's the problem

Is there a shortage of food? We cook so much at Christmas, birthdays etc, whoever is hosting, and expect people to eat to their heart's content. And that includes the overeaters.
There will also be a few doggy bags going out the door too.

Plate it up and say how much there is per person I.e there’s enough for 2 yorkies each, there’s 6 roasties each’ etc. Then if they end up looking for more you can say no sorry that’s all there was for everyone.

Not read whole thread but make sure they drink plenty before dinner.