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Original poster

Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

516 replies

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 18:32

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 21/12/2025 21:56

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 19:36

Oh grow up, I was just picking numbers.

48 is a ridiculous amount for 6 people for one meal.

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Have you got something prickly in your knickers? It was clearly a light hearted comment about pigs in blankets, there was no need to be defensive.

greenwithglee · 21/12/2025 21:51

I'd plate all the meals up and then do a few serving dishes of the leftovers. I'd keep the leftovers warm in the oven and bring them out when everyone has finishes, so they all get fair crack rather than just the quick eaters.

Ozmumofboys3 · 21/12/2025 21:48

Either plate up for people or uninvite him. He sounds rude

RafaFan · 21/12/2025 21:41

I think you need to host Christmas dinner at your local Harvester! It's going to have to be plating up by the sounds of it.

cooksbrandedclock · 21/12/2025 21:30

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 21/12/2025 10:04

I will!!

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You sound like a very lovely caring and understanding sister. I think you can say to him, before he starts to grab, I love you brother dear, (and this applies to you too, dear brother’s partner) but I have catered for 2 yorkshires each, 3 roast potatoes, 1 sprout 🤢, etc, so you are going to have to put the others back, and see if there are any left for you to have at the end. You will not starve as there is plenty of food to go around, but please play fair and let others get a look in too. Once everyone has plated up, it is ‘free dibs’ .

The trifle thing - I prefer the custard and cream topping too.

Atsocta · 21/12/2025 21:16

Walkietalkie7 · 20/12/2025 18:38

I’d just tell him that the food is for everyone so don’t be greedy lol

Sounds horrendous…

BuckChuckets · 21/12/2025 21:13

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 21/12/2025 08:07

This is why I felt it necessary to point out that DB's partner is male. They are two big fully grown men in their 30s. I wanted it fully understood the size of their appetites.
I don't know if it's sexist to suggest I just can't see a woman eating like they do. Not even myself, and I put away a decent amount.

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They sound grotesque. Not because they're big chaps, but because they'll happily eat everyone else's portions of food. You need to tell them straight, and who cares if they get upset?

hypnovic · 21/12/2025 21:11

Do it buffet style call up guests one at a tome hand then a plate leave them last

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 21:07

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 21/12/2025 21:01

Probably because fat-shaming is for wankers, and also it's pretty clear this behaviour is trauma-based.

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So what?

Still no reason to have no fucking manners or awareness of others.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 21/12/2025 21:01

TrickyD · 21/12/2025 20:28

‘I’m not fat shaming’ .
Why not? There is plenty that he needs to be ashamed about.

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Probably because fat-shaming is for wankers, and also it's pretty clear this behaviour is trauma-based.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/12/2025 20:57

Have they ever hosted ?
Do they have lots of extra food ?

Summercocktailsgalore · 21/12/2025 20:40

Ask him and oartner to bring the cheeseboard for all of you
see how much he brings

TrickyD · 21/12/2025 20:28

Lamentingalways · 21/12/2025 17:31

I don’t think I would invite someone that eats 9 pigs in blankets and 8 Yorkshire puddings when not everyone has their plates filled tbh. He’s greedy, that’s completely ludicrous. I’m not fat shaming but that’s properly greedy and selfish behaviour. If he knows then need that much food he should eat before he arrives or bring some additional snacks.

I literally cannot think of a solution to this, maybe you could quietly invite everyone else up to fill their plates first?

‘I’m not fat shaming’ .
Why not? There is plenty that he needs to be ashamed about.

IridiumSky · 21/12/2025 20:22

OP, I probably speak for many on here in wishing you a Happy Christmas, and thanking you for a highly entertaining - and often hilarious - thread.
The ‘He ate half the trifle, but not the half you’re thinking’ vignette was comedy gold.
Another poster spoke of someone who drew the central serving bowl of chocolate mousse to herself, then ate the lot.
I genuinely had no idea such people existed. This forum is so often a window to another world.

LizzieDripping99 · 21/12/2025 20:20

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 19:07

No, she didn't really.

She wasn't a particularly interested or engaged mother. There were six of us kids and my step-father was an abusive alcoholic. She was constantly busy, stressed, tired and generally just trying to get through each day and get us grown up and out of the house as soon as possible. From the age of 11 or 12 I was doing a lot of the cooking for my younger siblings, by this time my mother seems to have taken on a "if you can't beat em join em" approach and was getting drunk in the next room with step dad.

So no, not many table manners taught, more with me as one of the elder kids when she had more time, but not so much with the younger ones (my brother is the youngest)

Not sure what answering your question or indeed you asking it brings to the conversation, why you felt the need or why you thought it might help the question I've asked, but you have your answer now.

Perhaps 11 year old me should have taught him better and I'm reaping what I sow, eh?

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Having a childhood like that (sounds like my own and it was hell so I sympathise with you op) but it is absolutely not your fault- you was only a child.
There really is no excuse for his gluttony and lack of table manners. He is a grown man who by now should've realised how to behave throughout the years when food is involved
He sounds like my BIL - always the victim "you're picking on me / you're having a go" NO he is been selfish & not understanding this isn't a one man buffet, it's for everyone. X

Booboobagins · 21/12/2025 20:15

How greedy they both are. It's absolutely disrespectful.

I would serve food plated for them and everyone else.

If they want seconds, they can ask.

Ask them to bring dessert for everyone.

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 21/12/2025 20:07

Plate up the expensive or fiddly bits (meat, stuffing, cauliflower cheese) but have all the easy and cheap bits (plain veg and yorkies) buffet style.

Washingupdone · 21/12/2025 19:56

As others have suggested plate-up filling their plates with roast potatoes, mashed potatoes, then Yorkshires, green veg, pigs in blankets and then meat.
Have bread and butter near their plates. If you are having cheese find out what the rest of the family like and buy that and plate that up also. Same for the desserts.
I did noticed a few years ago, my son-in-laws did try to see who could eat the most but that stopped reaching the age of 50, as they realized the health problems.
When you are invited to theirs, are you offered large protein servings? I bet you aren’t.

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 19:55

ILoveLaLaLand · 21/12/2025 19:50

It sounds like your brother is a serious comfort eater (and his boyfriend - birds of a feather etc). This is often due to childhood trauma and not about being greedy.

I would recommend getting lots of pre-dinner snacks so that they can fill up on those before dinner is served.

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Maybe they are... but they're so self obsessed they're downright fucking rude.

They need to be told.

Why do people pussy foot around poor behaviour and excuse it so much?

DierdreDaphne · 21/12/2025 19:50

Sorry, boyfriend.

ILoveLaLaLand · 21/12/2025 19:50

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 21/12/2025 10:02

Ooh I could never do this. I love feeding people and seeing everyone enjoying my food and feeling happy and full. It's also very important to me that people feel comfortable and welcome in my home.

I'd give my brother an entire turkey if I could. It's just a case of simply not having the fridge space and the oven space to do unlimited amounts of food.

In the past, I have hosted 18 people and he was one of them (no partner then) with no problem but in those days I lived elsewhere and I had a Rangemaster and a massive American Fridge. I miss that kitchen 🤣

I appreciate the suggestions of feeding them extra first but the thing is, I'm also doing an evening buffet so there's already so much food.

I think it's going to have to be a case of having the siblings on "Bill and Ben* watch" and distracting them enough to make sure they join the queue last 🤣 sibs all seem to be poised to embrace this role!

*All names are changed!

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It sounds like your brother is a serious comfort eater (and his boyfriend - birds of a feather etc). This is often due to childhood trauma and not about being greedy.

I would recommend getting lots of pre-dinner snacks so that they can fill up on those before dinner is served.

DierdreDaphne · 21/12/2025 19:45

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 19:07

No, she didn't really.

She wasn't a particularly interested or engaged mother. There were six of us kids and my step-father was an abusive alcoholic. She was constantly busy, stressed, tired and generally just trying to get through each day and get us grown up and out of the house as soon as possible. From the age of 11 or 12 I was doing a lot of the cooking for my younger siblings, by this time my mother seems to have taken on a "if you can't beat em join em" approach and was getting drunk in the next room with step dad.

So no, not many table manners taught, more with me as one of the elder kids when she had more time, but not so much with the younger ones (my brother is the youngest)

Not sure what answering your question or indeed you asking it brings to the conversation, why you felt the need or why you thought it might help the question I've asked, but you have your answer now.

Perhaps 11 year old me should have taught him better and I'm reaping what I sow, eh?

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He sounds as if he has an eating disorder and his girlfriend is company for it. Absolutely plate up away from all guests. And if he starts trying to grab more than his share despite this, FFS say something ..you hopefully don't have to be rude: pops sorry bill, Marjorie and fred haven't had there's yet/ there's three each/ lets make sure the others have enough " if hes socially aware enough to "apologise " afterwards, then hopefully hes socially aware enough not to blatantly disregard you saying something at the time.

But I would honestly make this the last time i invited them to eat at mine. I would either host just for tea and biscuits and only just before another engagement ( so no staying on for just a half dozen frozen pizzas) or better still meet out of the house so they can pay.

I would find feeding them at mine unbearably stressful i have to admit.

TheEverlastingPorridge · 21/12/2025 19:43

Well at least you know what to buy your greedy brother and his equally awful partner as a gift - a trough.

RessicaJabbit · 21/12/2025 19:36

sprigatito · 21/12/2025 17:36

Do people really only make 12 pigs in blankets for 6 people? I’m doing 48 for 6 of us and it’ll still be a scramble for the last one 😂

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Oh grow up, I was just picking numbers.

48 is a ridiculous amount for 6 people for one meal.

Moonlightfrog · 21/12/2025 19:28

I dish up meat, Yorkshire puddings, pigs in blankets and roast potatoes, then they can help themselves to veg and gravy. We only have one Yorkshire pudding each, 5 roast potatoes (any left goes in the middle of the table with the veg). We are not huge eaters and neither are family members. We always get leftovers for the next day.

They sound really greedy and selfish. I would be really annoyed if they piled their plates high without giving a toss about what others have left to eat.

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