Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

How festive....

This

Plate up but serve them last. Tell everyone to start before they get their plates to give everyone a head start.

I just wonder if he's really that hungry or only eyes eating and that half of it is going to the bin? But I guess not, as OP said they went back 2 times on her sister's wedding. I can eat yes, but one plate it's more than enough for me.

Brilliant idea. It sounds like your bro may have disordered eating, too, but you are being so thoughtful and it will be a stress if you're worrying about there being not enough to go around.

I think this is a great idea - plus loads of extra (cheapy) nibbles. you can say that food is being dished up as there are so many of you, you don't want it to get cold. Once it's gone, it's gone but the extra tatties etc are a fab idea. It sounds really difficult - best of luck to you whatever you decide.

And whatever he does do, he'll look bad - not you. Remember you're not responsible for others' behaviour or feelings, cooking for 14 is hard enough!

Christ….

Can you say to him beforehand “Steve, I know you and Mike have big appetites but I’m cooking for 14 and only have limited oven space. I’ve budgeted 2 Yorkshire puddings/ 4 spuds/ etc per person and am conscious that you’re going to be hungry. What can I get in or make in advance as an extra for you? P.s. would you mind bringing your favourite cheese?”
And then I would absolutely dish plates up. Your other guests will understand. Get loads of snacks in too.
I think most in your shoes would have had a show down before now tbh, or avoided hosting them!

I would plate up. Do a load of extra potatoes and Yorkshire puddings, perhaps some sausages too. Also get some baguettes and they can have bread and butter in front of them. I was once at a buffet where a teenage boy and his two friends ate nearly all the food meant for about 30. The selfishness was appalling. However it sounds like your brother has an eating disorder in the picture. That said, I would see how Christmas dinner goes and depending, talk to him at a later date about considering others. It’s just so rude to leave others without whilst you gorge.

I agree….it’s an abomination with that meal, though I adore it in its proper place! (Anti-Yorkshires too, for the same reason.)
God only knows why it matters to me, as it’s a pretty indefensible position to maintain 🤣

This!

And if any fuss I wouldn't invite them. Sorry.

It's a shame they are not body builders

As people are saying, they need plenty of sides to fill them up.

How about a lentil and veg soup to start??

And definitely serve their portions up, they are not allowed to serve themselves.

But they are allowed seconds, obviously

I would cook up a load of roast potatoes the day before and keep in fridge, then microwave them for 3 mins and serve a load of them to your brother and his partner. Cook huge saucepans of cabbage, carrots and swede that are in fact 5p at the moment in Aldi, Lidl and Morrisons. Carve the turkey up in the kitchen and plate up, add the pigs in blankets on to the plate then hand out plates for people to add potatoes, sausages meat stuffing, Yorkshire puddings using the cheap ones someone mentioned above. Make loads of gravy. I used a pressure cooker which is huge when I have 12 to cook for.

he clearly is not really “mortified” otherwise he’d stop doing it

Eating disorders dont work like that. Would you expect and alcoholic or drug addict to just stop doing it after they feel shame from yet another binge? Of course not because you understand that these addictions are complex and need professional help for recovery. Its the same with eating disorders, they are addictions too.

In the depths of my anorexia I knew that I needed to eat, my sensible brain told me that. But my ED brain had the power. My relative with bulimia knew that she shouldnt eat until she couldnt hold it in any more and then force herself to throw up. But her ED had the power.

We both felt shame and my relative particularly was mortified when she realised that we could hear her throwing up. Didnt stop her doing it as the need to satisfy the disorder was greater than the shame.

So yes, he could well be mortified after a binge, but be unable to stop the binge in the moment when the the food is sitting there before him.

I think you’ll have to just serve the food plated

No, talk to him. He's not a child.

Your and his upbringing is very sad but he isn’t a child anymore and you are not 11.

you can have a gentle but firm conversation about table manners that includes in general (not just at your table) to eat small portions and leave food for others. Maybe he needs clear instructions like “you can only take one Yorkshire pudding”, you can take only 3 slices of meat at the first round and after everyone else etc.

he clearly is not really “mortified” otherwise he’d stop doing it

They're eating until they feel full.
That's what most people do.

However, these two men are sick in the medical sense.
Their metabolic system is broken.
They may have undiagnosed diabetes (quite common in poor communities). People with diabetes often feel hungry all the time, it's called polyphagia which is caused by insulin resistance which stops their cells getting sufficient glucose and as a result, their brain keeps signalling for more food, so they keep eating.
They're not greedy, they're hungry and they're ill.

They need a GP, a nutritionist, a therapist and medication to solve their eating disorder not gratuitous insults on MN.

I'd just serve the food onto each plate or bowl and not allow them to help themselves. I'd make sure they did not go into the kitchen or take anything they were not supposed to. Awful to have to be that way but it sounds like they don't care for politeness or any of the usual social standards.

Make sure everyone gets a share, then let them loose, it’s Christmas. this is basically my nephews, they never stop. But I just prepare with a ton of veg, and roasties. It is one day, just make sure people have their share of meat before they pig out.

Just serve salads and cold ham or something. Forget all the calories for a day it sounds like everyone could benefit from some healthy food. That's a gift at Xmas.

Troll

I understand the comments about this being an eating disorder and I agree. Fat shaming isn't helpful and I made some shaming comments myself. The behaviour is so antisocial and utterly inconsiderate of others. The greed is palpable. It's obvious OP is incredibly loving towards her brother and is just seeking to make the best of the situation. I hope you find a way to make it work @xAwaywiththefairiesx . Kind but firm comments are really okay, if you need to challenge behaviours.

Wwyd.

Serve him last.

He can go hungry if need be. This isn't your problem. It will do him good.

Tell him to sort his life out if he's ungrateful.

I assume you've talked to him about this and pointed out that normal people just don't behave like this? They must be aware, surely, that their portions are at least four times what other people have? Also how bloody unhealthy their diets are? What do they say if or when this is pointed out to them?

Aren't they finding that no-one will invite them out after they behave like this? How do they feel about losing all their friends, and about being so large?