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Original poster

Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

516 replies

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 18:32

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

OP posts:
DustyEmerald · 26/12/2025 10:25

Cor! 68 pigs and 50 yorkshires. Din dins heaven 🤪

winewolfhowls · 26/12/2025 09:59

A satisfying update 😄 congratulations on being the hostess with the mostess yorkies! Merry Christmas

Original poster
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 26/12/2025 09:27

Morning and Merry Christmas all! (Boxing day is still very much Christmas to us!)
Yesterday was a great day, it was lovely to see my brother and his partner, and other family members.
I over-cooked to maximum capacity but here were also only 11 of us in the end, instead of the expected 14, as my adult nephew and his girlfriend had to rearrange their flights due to illness and my other adult nephew didn't bring his girlfriend. So there was SO MUCH FOOD!
My DH sat everyone down at the table and then ran dishes out to them, circulating with plates of food so people could take what they wanted.
I also cooked the pigs in blankets in batches in the air fryer so there was always some on the go.
DB and BIL did eat a lot, but I am really grateful they did actually because there was so much! I still have a shitton of turkey, ham and veg left.
Although - I didn't have a single pig in blanket or a single Yorkshire left and I cooked a total of 68 PIBs and I think over 50 Yorkshire's!
I hope everyone had a lovely day yesterday and enjoy boxing day. I have Christmas day number 2 at my MILs coming up!!

OP posts:
hashbrownsandwich · 26/12/2025 08:57

I’m eager to hear the outcone@xAwaywiththefairiesxOP?

TomatoSandwiches · 25/12/2025 17:47

Are they still eating op?

Halo20 · 25/12/2025 15:42

Patiently waiting for an update on this thread 🫣

FakeItUntilIMakeIt · 25/12/2025 15:38

Same here .

Whatsappweirdo · 24/12/2025 10:40

Weirdly invested 😁

HipHopDontYouStop · 23/12/2025 23:26

Goldwren1923 · 22/12/2025 00:37

Your and his upbringing is very sad but he isn’t a child anymore and you are not 11.

you can have a gentle but firm conversation about table manners that includes in general (not just at your table) to eat small portions and leave food for others. Maybe he needs clear instructions like “you can only take one Yorkshire pudding”, you can take only 3 slices of meat at the first round and after everyone else etc.

he clearly is not really “mortified” otherwise he’d stop doing it

This.

MasterBeth · 23/12/2025 23:13

ILoveLaLaLand · 22/12/2025 00:10

They're eating until they feel full.
That's what most people do.

However, these two men are sick in the medical sense.
Their metabolic system is broken.
They may have undiagnosed diabetes (quite common in poor communities). People with diabetes often feel hungry all the time, it's called polyphagia which is caused by insulin resistance which stops their cells getting sufficient glucose and as a result, their brain keeps signalling for more food, so they keep eating.
They're not greedy, they're hungry and they're ill.

They need a GP, a nutritionist, a therapist and medication to solve their eating disorder not gratuitous insults on MN.

Edited
Show quote history

I was making no insults.

I was suggesting that, in their disordered eating, they probably don't ever feel full, or recognise that feeling. It doesn't sound to me like they eat until they feel full at all. It sounds like they eat until the food has gone.

This is opposed to people on this thread who thinks "a hearty lentil soup" or "lots of bread and butter" will "fill them up". But not being full or not feeling full is not their problem, exactly as you suggest. Their metabolic system has broken.

burnoutbabe · 23/12/2025 22:36

I don’t see why people are saying serve everyone else first then let them 2 have all the rest. Seconds surely are for everyone to enjoy a bit more. Not just 2 people. And sone spair for Boxing Day of a few things.

Moretwirlsandswirls · 23/12/2025 17:50

God no don’t set up a WhatsApp - mega cringe and so obviously related to him, it will be humiliating! Just have a quiet word with him about portion sizes - and plate up (not that that’s not been mentioned before 🤣)

LadyPiglet · 23/12/2025 17:23

I think you have to address it before the meal, but in a way that doesn't come across like a personal attack.

I would suggest either a whatsapp to the adults coming, or saying at the outset

"Hi everyone, its a real privilege to have you all here together. Unfortunately I don't have a rangemaster or American style fridge anymore, so while there will be enough for everybody to have a bit of everything, I am going to need to dish up the turkey, pigs in blankets, roasties and yorkshires so its split fairly to everyone. Please make sure everyone can have have a share before loading up with extras. We will have loada of crisps, nibbles and bread as well, so loads od stuff to go around, but no-one wants to be without a yorkshire and there are only so many O can do."

Maybe even tell the other adults first why you are sayibg this.

Then if he or his partner tries to load up, just say "We need to make sure everyone xan get some - sadly as you know we're limited in kitchen space. Please wait to see who else is in the market for seconds".

This way it isn't personal and you've set the boundary in advance

TallMam · 23/12/2025 16:55

They are simply rude , no excuse for this behaviour. you have to say something about it. Also, how unappetising to share the table with such greedy people.

Moretwirlsandswirls · 23/12/2025 12:01

ocool · 23/12/2025 10:26

Set up a table in a spare room. Treat it like the toddler table. Serve them there separately with as much food as you can spare. Lock them in. Let them out when the other guests have eaten. 😄

Maybe read the OPs posts about their abusive childhood.

Sam9769 · 23/12/2025 10:40

Uninvite them! Simples, then they'll get the message!

ocool · 23/12/2025 10:26

Set up a table in a spare room. Treat it like the toddler table. Serve them there separately with as much food as you can spare. Lock them in. Let them out when the other guests have eaten. 😄

Sartre · 23/12/2025 10:21

I’m mostly shocked two people managed to eat enough cheese to fill almost 200 people to be honest, and didn’t have a heart attack on the spot.

I’d plate food up for everyone so they all get a fair share and if they’re still hungry, they can have some of the leftovers.

HipHopDontYouStop · 23/12/2025 10:09

Interesting. Not infesting.

HipHopDontYouStop · 23/12/2025 10:08

I would not invite such shamelessly greedy people to my home.

Wonder how they are in restaurants. Do they pay for double meals? Would be infesting if they could curtail their appetites when it is they who are paying.

RedToothBrush · 23/12/2025 10:08

mamajong · 23/12/2025 08:32

Hmmmmm i had similar with an ex partner, he was sooooo greedy (hence an ex). In the end i had to say 'ive allowed for 4 pigs in blankets per person' for example but even then if someone said 'oh i only want 2 he woukd say 'i'll have yours then' without seeing if anyone else wanted extras. He once famously waited until everyone else had served their xmas dinner and then literally piled EVERYTHING that was left ontonhis plate as firsts so no one could have any more. Everyone called him out for it but he thought it was funny and declared 'its every man for himself'. It was rude and embarrassing - we are not tigether anymore and people still talk about it.

The other option is to serve the things they are greedy with onto plates first or just have a quiet word beforehand. Some people just have no manners, sadly.

There's having no ability to control appetite for medical reasons. And there's being greedy, disrespectful and rude without consideration for others.

The people who do stuff like the above posts do not have a medical condition. They are just selfish arseholes.

The OP sounds like she has a couple of those and therefore should be explicit that she expects the offenders to behave until everyone else has had what they want THEN they have free reign.

bigboykitty · 23/12/2025 09:37

mamajong · 23/12/2025 08:32

Hmmmmm i had similar with an ex partner, he was sooooo greedy (hence an ex). In the end i had to say 'ive allowed for 4 pigs in blankets per person' for example but even then if someone said 'oh i only want 2 he woukd say 'i'll have yours then' without seeing if anyone else wanted extras. He once famously waited until everyone else had served their xmas dinner and then literally piled EVERYTHING that was left ontonhis plate as firsts so no one could have any more. Everyone called him out for it but he thought it was funny and declared 'its every man for himself'. It was rude and embarrassing - we are not tigether anymore and people still talk about it.

The other option is to serve the things they are greedy with onto plates first or just have a quiet word beforehand. Some people just have no manners, sadly.

That's exactly why I said OP should leave the brother and his partner to be served second to last. Because they will take everything that's left and no one else can have seconds. Glad you kicked him to the kerb!

mamajong · 23/12/2025 08:32

Hmmmmm i had similar with an ex partner, he was sooooo greedy (hence an ex). In the end i had to say 'ive allowed for 4 pigs in blankets per person' for example but even then if someone said 'oh i only want 2 he woukd say 'i'll have yours then' without seeing if anyone else wanted extras. He once famously waited until everyone else had served their xmas dinner and then literally piled EVERYTHING that was left ontonhis plate as firsts so no one could have any more. Everyone called him out for it but he thought it was funny and declared 'its every man for himself'. It was rude and embarrassing - we are not tigether anymore and people still talk about it.

The other option is to serve the things they are greedy with onto plates first or just have a quiet word beforehand. Some people just have no manners, sadly.

TheMrsCampbellBlack · 22/12/2025 23:24

ILoveLaLaLand · 22/12/2025 22:52

Is that what you're having on Xmas Day?

Show quote history

Yes that but we'll have 3 salads and some seafood too. In Australia it's hot weather at Xmas and we are pretty healthy active people and fresh produce and summer fruits are hugely popular at summer celebration meals.

ILoveLaLaLand · 22/12/2025 22:52

TheMrsCampbellBlack · 21/12/2025 23:52

Just serve salads and cold ham or something. Forget all the calories for a day it sounds like everyone could benefit from some healthy food. That's a gift at Xmas.

Is that what you're having on Xmas Day?

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