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Original poster

Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

516 replies

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 18:32

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

OP posts:
Happytap · 20/12/2025 19:19

He sounds like a book character

KTheGrey · 20/12/2025 19:19

We do have notifications on the pigs in blankets ‘there are three each’ style. But yes to plating up - it isn’t going to be fair otherwise.

And yes to crusty rolls before the main meal and to extra veggies. Maybe raw celery sticks.

titchy · 20/12/2025 19:18

Whatsapp everyone in advance: ‘If you’re hungry let me know and I’ll rustle up something for you. I’ve only got a very specific amount of food to cover all our meals with nothing spare( cost of living etc) so I’m afraid no one will be able to just help themselves, unless it’s to food items they have bought with them. Thanks for understanding.’

Pinepeak2434 · 20/12/2025 19:17

From my own experience I’d plate the food up rather than buffet - I went to a relatives house for Christmas dinner one year, we’d all chipped in for the food and my SIL had served it all in a buffet help yourself style - there were around 20 of us, and all the adult kids of the hosts got to go first and piled their plates high, by the time I got there there was nothing left but slithers of meat.

dcadmamagain · 20/12/2025 19:17

From what I’ve read I don’t think filling tgem up with cheap things before the main meal will work as it seems they can eat and eat and eat. The only answer is to plate up the foods you need to portion control and anything else eg the veg do buffet style. Of course it depends on oven space but I’d be tempted to part cook some roast the day before which you can put back in oven when you are serving so it’s ready for seconds etc xx. Good luck

EatSleepDreamRepeat · 20/12/2025 19:16
  1. Ask him and his partner to bring grazing nibbles as their contribution. Nuts, crackers, dips, etc. Just have them out buffet style for an hour or so first.
  2. If you want to do a sit down starter do something like soup and give a roll each. The bowl size naturally limits the portion.
  3. Plate up the dinner with adults other than your brother and his partner helping.
  4. Dessert give everyone a slice of cake or whatever and have the rest as a free for all. If you have other siblings you could ask them to being dessert so it's all evened out
TwoTuesday · 20/12/2025 19:16

Definitely don't do buffet style or serving plates on the table, plate it all up on to individual plates. Can you ask them to bring some dishes with them (potato salad, coleslaw?) and fresh bread so that they won't be hungry, "as you only have a small oven."
Or you could tell them not to be so greedy.

Drivinghomeforchristmas25 · 20/12/2025 19:16

I would cook loads but I would also tell him. “Nigel dear, lots of people are coming for dinner. So the food you see? It’s for x amount of people, not just you. Please remember that and don’t take it all. Everyone is here to enjoy dinner”.

Drivingmissrangey · 20/12/2025 19:16

Plate up the good stuff - meat, yorkshires, roast potatoes, pigs in blankets, and out the veg on the table for everyone to help themselves. Something tells me they won’t be that bothered about the veg…

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/12/2025 19:15

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 20/12/2025 18:48

Why on earth should you pander to them? he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.
of course he doesn’t feel guilty or he wouldn’t keep doing it! He pretends he does to make you feel guilty, and to get away with this shitty behaviour!

Exactly this

Personally i like the idea of plating up things like the meat and pigs in blankets and having the veg and roasties as "serve yourself", but if they're thwarted in any way I'd also be prepared for some waspish remarks about you not having provided enough

So best practise the death stare and the "did you mean to be so rude?"

HundredMilesAnHour · 20/12/2025 19:15

DH isn't like this for overeating, but he definitely never thinks to count the number of pigs in blankets on a platter and divide by the number of people, then serve himself a fair share, he just takes what he fancies and sod the rest of us. It's taken literally decades to change that. I do empathise.

I don’t understand why anyone puts up with selfish people like this. In my circles it would have been pointed out to them immediately. Politely but firmly. And if they continued to be so selfish, they would never be invited anywhere again.

GAJLY · 20/12/2025 19:13

RealChristmasBaby · 20/12/2025 18:35

Serve the plates then he can't take it all.

I agree with this 👆
Don't have serving plates, plate everyone's up. Do the others first, then plate up theirs with extra. Do the same again with pudding. They absolutely cannot help themselves because they're too selfish.

HeadyLamarr · 20/12/2025 19:11

You absolutely have to serve up onto plates.

DH isn't like this for overeating, but he definitely never thinks to count the number of pigs in blankets on a platter and divide by the number of people, then serve himself a fair share, he just takes what he fancies and sod the rest of us. It's taken literally decades to change that. I do empathise.

Do a LOT of filling stuff like mashed potatoes (alongside the roasters) and veg to fill the pair of them up as much as possible.

Or tell him upfront that you know they prefer bigger meals than you will cook, so you'll make them a butty on the quiet before dinner to make sure they aren't hungry.

HildegardP · 20/12/2025 19:10

Serve plated.

Sam9769 · 20/12/2025 19:10

This is just gluttony!
You need to have a word with both of them and apportion their food.
If they don't like it, tough!

NemesisInferior · 20/12/2025 19:10

Just tell him not to be a greedy fucker.

DarkForces · 20/12/2025 19:09

I'd love late food and pop a basket of very crusty rolls on the table to slow them down. Lots of carbs and inexpensive

Zanatdy · 20/12/2025 19:08

My brother has had a habit of taking too much in the past (not as bad as this though). So now I say there’s x number of Yorkshire’s each to start. My mum never makes enough roast potatoes though as her and my dad always had 2-3 each whereas my brother, SIL and my adult DC will have a fair bit more than that. Last year I took some extra as I was staying in an airbnb so I said I had to use up the spuds i’d bought as didn’t want to take them home. They still all went.

GanninHyem · 20/12/2025 19:08

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Springisintheairohyeah · 20/12/2025 19:08

I'd probably plate up the expensive/tastiest/limited bits (meat, yorkies, stuffing, pigs in blankets etc.) then just make lots of extra veg and put that out for them to pad their plates with. That way not too controlling, but you're making sure he doesn't get the lion's share of the good stuff

Dollymylove · 20/12/2025 19:08

They are pair of greedy CFs. If they carry in the same vein they'll end up in the cardiac ward, or worse

Therealjudgejudy · 20/12/2025 19:07

Plate up their food.

However, make sure you tell them that the leftovers are for everyone. Can't stand this type of selfish greed.

Original poster
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 19:07

RosesAndHellebores · 20/12/2025 18:42

Didn't your mother bring him up with sufficiently good manners not to behave like a pig at the table?

No, she didn't really.

She wasn't a particularly interested or engaged mother. There were six of us kids and my step-father was an abusive alcoholic. She was constantly busy, stressed, tired and generally just trying to get through each day and get us grown up and out of the house as soon as possible. From the age of 11 or 12 I was doing a lot of the cooking for my younger siblings, by this time my mother seems to have taken on a "if you can't beat em join em" approach and was getting drunk in the next room with step dad.

So no, not many table manners taught, more with me as one of the elder kids when she had more time, but not so much with the younger ones (my brother is the youngest)

Not sure what answering your question or indeed you asking it brings to the conversation, why you felt the need or why you thought it might help the question I've asked, but you have your answer now.

Perhaps 11 year old me should have taught him better and I'm reaping what I sow, eh?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 20/12/2025 19:06

I’d make a point of announcing to everyone that you’ve done enough for them to all have 4 pigs in blankets each, 3 roast potatoes and a spoonful of sprouts so please don’t anyone take more than that until everyone has had their share. Then I’d make sure he was the last person to be given a plate. I absolutely hate this kind of selfish greedy behaviour!

HugglesAndSnuggles · 20/12/2025 19:06

I would 100% serve the plates yourself in the kitchen and leave out extras if you want. It means that everyone is at least guaranteed a decent first course. I hate greedy people like this who don’t think of anything but their stomachs. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed to do this, they should be embarrassed at their own behaviour.