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Original poster

Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

516 replies

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 18:32

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

OP posts:
EchoesOfOurDreams · 20/12/2025 19:46

I honestly wouldn't invite him if he was going to be a greedy pig and scoff all of the food but that is just me.

Thankyouitwasdelicious · 20/12/2025 19:45

I'm sorry you had to go through a childhood like that. I would worry your brother has an eating disorder, that food=love to him and wouldn't want to shame him publicly. It's probably not just greed if it's compulsive although I don't know how he doesn't notice others are going without.

I agree with plating up to save yourself the stress but do make plenty of food, there's nothing worse than 2 mean little roast potatoes each on Christmas Day because you didn't make enough. Oven space is a pain but get the turkey out and resting while you finish off the potatoes. Shove more in when you take the first lot out so you have lots.

TempestTost · 20/12/2025 19:44

People have given good plans OP and probably the plating is the answer.

But honestly, I think someone should tell him he's being massively inappropriate. And probably it falls to family to do it.

harriethoyle · 20/12/2025 19:44

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 19:07

No, she didn't really.

She wasn't a particularly interested or engaged mother. There were six of us kids and my step-father was an abusive alcoholic. She was constantly busy, stressed, tired and generally just trying to get through each day and get us grown up and out of the house as soon as possible. From the age of 11 or 12 I was doing a lot of the cooking for my younger siblings, by this time my mother seems to have taken on a "if you can't beat em join em" approach and was getting drunk in the next room with step dad.

So no, not many table manners taught, more with me as one of the elder kids when she had more time, but not so much with the younger ones (my brother is the youngest)

Not sure what answering your question or indeed you asking it brings to the conversation, why you felt the need or why you thought it might help the question I've asked, but you have your answer now.

Perhaps 11 year old me should have taught him better and I'm reaping what I sow, eh?

Show quote history

I don’t read this posters question as a dig at you - more wondering why he lacks basic social skills.

as PP have said, plate up protein, yorkshires and anything limited. Make double amount of stuffing. Cheap extras like sausages maybe?. Do additional mash or boiled potatoes so you can use the hob for them, ditto carrots, other veg like peas or broc and make pints of gravy. They can over eat on that and if they don’t those things freeze.

also table plan so that he and his partner are at the end of the serving schedule- furthest away from the table food!

Eenameenadeeka · 20/12/2025 19:44

I think you definitely need to plate up the food yourself

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 20/12/2025 19:44

ShesTheAlbatross · 20/12/2025 19:04

God I wouldn’t be able to bear the selfishness! No matter how hungry you are, who the actual fuck takes an entire garlic bread baguette from the table when it is quite obviously meant to be shared? I’d have taken it straight off his plate with a “what are you doing? That’s for everyone!”

Exactly, it's not just a case of taking a lot of food (I like my food too) but this is just next level - you don't just take it all leaving nothing for anyone else!
Basic manners.
As others have said, you're going to have to start plating stuff up that way everyone gets a fair share.

FurForksSake · 20/12/2025 19:43

@DirtyGertiefromno30 excellent, we will both be happy greedy gobblers 🤭😆😱

HipHopDontYouStop · 20/12/2025 19:42

He’s so greedy.

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 20/12/2025 19:42

FurForksSake · 20/12/2025 19:39

I am pondering the socially acceptable number of pigs in blankets. Then I remembered I don’t have to be socially acceptable and will prepare 40 for the four of us on Christmas Day and hope it’s enough.

I've bought 4 packs of 10 for us 4 too 🤣

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/12/2025 19:42

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 19:07

No, she didn't really.

She wasn't a particularly interested or engaged mother. There were six of us kids and my step-father was an abusive alcoholic. She was constantly busy, stressed, tired and generally just trying to get through each day and get us grown up and out of the house as soon as possible. From the age of 11 or 12 I was doing a lot of the cooking for my younger siblings, by this time my mother seems to have taken on a "if you can't beat em join em" approach and was getting drunk in the next room with step dad.

So no, not many table manners taught, more with me as one of the elder kids when she had more time, but not so much with the younger ones (my brother is the youngest)

Not sure what answering your question or indeed you asking it brings to the conversation, why you felt the need or why you thought it might help the question I've asked, but you have your answer now.

Perhaps 11 year old me should have taught him better and I'm reaping what I sow, eh?

Show quote history

Sounds like he has unresolved trauma from your early lives as well - eating to block out anxiety, the only time he felt safe and cared for (by you because your mother wasn't doing it), remembering times when if he didn't eat lots, somebody else would have it off his plate.

I'd plate up the expensive items and give free rein with potatoes (and the first course of a big, pillowy, substantial yorkshire pudding with gravy or as a separate side dish sounds a very good idea).

Twilight7777 · 20/12/2025 19:41

I’d plate up the premium things (stuff that costs more) turkey, pigs in blankets, and then do a buffet for the rest but purposely send up people in small groups like children, elderly/disabled, but don’t send your brother last because he’ll then “finish things off” before people can get second helpings. It might also be worth keeping a couple of spare dishes back and only bring them out for second helpings in case he eats everything.

CalzoneOnLegs · 20/12/2025 19:41

perhaps also stock up on toilet roll, and harpic

conxray · 20/12/2025 19:40

You will need to plate up as everyone else has said.

Put more vegetables and roast potatoes on the table too. And I'd sit them at the end of the table so they only have access to one plate of veg and potatoes, rather than in the middle where they could reach more than one plate of each.

FurForksSake · 20/12/2025 19:39

I am pondering the socially acceptable number of pigs in blankets. Then I remembered I don’t have to be socially acceptable and will prepare 40 for the four of us on Christmas Day and hope it’s enough.

WinterWooliesBaa · 20/12/2025 19:39

BackToBeingACatSlave · 20/12/2025 19:22

they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people,

They two of them ate enough cheese to feed almost 200 people?

Seems plausible doesn't it 🙄😂🙇🏻‍♀️

awrbc81 · 20/12/2025 19:38

You’ll have to serve it up on plates I think! I would at least serve meat, stuffing, pigs in blankets,
roasties on the plates then put veg on the table but maybe discreetly pass them around to people before he gets to them.
Christmas pud can be served in bowls to people and you can pour sauce on for everyone.
Other food you will probably need to buy in extras and remember shops open again Boxing Day!

MrsAnon6 · 20/12/2025 19:38

His behaviour is exceptionally greedy and rude and you’re well within your rights to call him out on it. I absolutely love food but would never take so much at a buffet that there wasn’t enough for other people. He may not have been taught adequate table manners growing up but he’s now an adult and needs to take responsibility for his socially unacceptable behaviour.

WinterWooliesBaa · 20/12/2025 19:37

titchy · 20/12/2025 19:18

Whatsapp everyone in advance: ‘If you’re hungry let me know and I’ll rustle up something for you. I’ve only got a very specific amount of food to cover all our meals with nothing spare( cost of living etc) so I’m afraid no one will be able to just help themselves, unless it’s to food items they have bought with them. Thanks for understanding.’

WTAF?

Lovelyindevon · 20/12/2025 19:36

I would suggest putting loads of snacks out before hand to quell his hunger and so take away his plate filling tendencies.

it won’t he’ll still fill his plate - just not finish it. Even more annoying.

snackatack · 20/12/2025 19:36

To make your life easier -make a checklist and serve stuff up - I mean literally - a list of items you will be putting on plates and then you serve the things the eople want..

Meanwhile, Tell your brother - cooking space is limited so come having eaten in advance (if he can take blunt.. )

Ponoka7 · 20/12/2025 19:34

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 19:07

No, she didn't really.

She wasn't a particularly interested or engaged mother. There were six of us kids and my step-father was an abusive alcoholic. She was constantly busy, stressed, tired and generally just trying to get through each day and get us grown up and out of the house as soon as possible. From the age of 11 or 12 I was doing a lot of the cooking for my younger siblings, by this time my mother seems to have taken on a "if you can't beat em join em" approach and was getting drunk in the next room with step dad.

So no, not many table manners taught, more with me as one of the elder kids when she had more time, but not so much with the younger ones (my brother is the youngest)

Not sure what answering your question or indeed you asking it brings to the conversation, why you felt the need or why you thought it might help the question I've asked, but you have your answer now.

Perhaps 11 year old me should have taught him better and I'm reaping what I sow, eh?

Show quote history

Because there's a difference between a adult who is naturally arrogant and selfish and one who honestly doesn't have the self reflection and awareness to see his behaviour for what it is. I agree that plenty of nibbles, dips, bread etc on arrival is the way to start. Then you'll have to plate up. Although honest conversations around your childhood and how it's impacted him, would be helpful, but not so close to Christmas.

RosesAndHellebores · 20/12/2025 19:34

@xAwaywiththefairiesx I'm sorry you went through that and if my comments were insensitive.

I think you have to tell him frankly, before the meal.

Lovelyindevon · 20/12/2025 19:34

To do it subtly, without causing a scene/upset then plating up of the dishes at risk and then having other food - veg, spuds etc out on the table for diy serving.

Spuds and veg on several plates each and the table is full and so it looks all innocent.

Gravy in a couple of jugs with some in reserve in the kitchen.

This way you are more in control.

DIY serving and trying to control by putting critical dishes out of reach could well backfire.

good luck.

Cappie73 · 20/12/2025 19:33

NemesisInferior · 20/12/2025 19:10

Just tell him not to be a greedy fucker.

Exactly for fuck’s sake, why should the OP have to pander and faff around more than she has to on Christmas Day

Jamesblonde2 · 20/12/2025 19:33

Greedy sods. Think they need a trip to the doctors.