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Original poster

Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

516 replies

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 18:32

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

OP posts:
OneMintWasp · 21/12/2025 00:49

I would concentrate on making lots of the popular but cheap to make things like mash and roasties. Yorkshire puds you could get some supermarket value frozen ones as extra. Pile him and BILs plates high with that!?

If you want to stick to buffet style could you plate up so everyone gets something then put the rest out on the table for refils?

Not sure if you have young kids or not but sometimes we used to get them go round and take orders, make place names, call people to sit down in order etc so that might be a way to control things a bit without looking too confrontational (let the kids be the bossy ones!)

Festivespirit85 · 21/12/2025 00:43

They both sound very gluttonous! I can't stand folk taking more than their fair share while others go without.
The suggestion that I gave to my best friend when she told me about her mother snagging more than her fair share of Yorkshire puds and her husband going without, was: plate food up in future, and if anyone moans, tell them if there weren't pigs amongst us, I wouldn't have to!

Jk987 · 21/12/2025 00:40

Are they obese?
There’s obviously a problem…

TheMrsCampbellBlack · 21/12/2025 00:37

Absolutely disgusting. Tell him to have a large dose of Ozempic Xmas Eve. They're eating themselves to death.

Charminggoldfinch · 21/12/2025 00:31

You’re going to have to plate up the dinners op and then put extras on the table. You can always ask folk preferences if there’s anything they really don’t want to reduce waste. Your brother and his partner sound really selfish and inconsiderate both of others and of you as the host as you have gone to so much effort to prepare a lovely meal which all the guests don’t get to enjoy because of their greed. If they are genuinely eating because they are that hungry they either need to let the host know if advance to prepare extra portions, fill up before they arrive and/ or bring some extra side dishes etc themselves

Backtorealityerr · 21/12/2025 00:24

I would actually speak to him and explain that there is only so much food you can provide/ cater for.

Christmaswindows123 · 21/12/2025 00:24

I’ve seen a lot of helpful comments and a lot of unhelpful comments but

  1. you absolutely can not let people serve themselves but make them as late in the queue as you can for the plating
  2. you will have to make five times as many Yorkshire puddings roast potatoes and pigs as you think, all good leftovers
  3. I understand you can’t say anything
  4. mac and cauliflower cheese is a great plate filler for hungry people. The more pasta the better to fill the insatiable
  5. hide the good stuff and give them decoy stuff to distract them
  6. ignore the people who have said just say this etc. they don’t understand.
  7. you’re a kind person don’t let the miserable fuckers get to you.
Original poster
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 21/12/2025 00:24

Bess91 · 20/12/2025 23:45

He sound selfish and vile. I'm amazed what people will tolerate, but that wouldn't be stood for in my house. I can't believe you find it funny?

Show quote history

It's more like a "laugh or you'll cry" thing

OP posts:
Original poster
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 21/12/2025 00:21

Theslummymummy · 20/12/2025 21:45

I don't believe for a second he ate enough food to feed 200 people. It sounds like they like very big portions, not that there's not enough food to satisfy them. Get a grip.

I did not say they ate enough food for 200 people. I said they ate most of the portions of cheese on a buffet meant to feed 200 people. Which was a hell of a lot of cheese, but cheese like that on a buffet is intended for everyone to take a small portion as part of a variety of other foods, taking into account that not everyone will choose to have cheese.
Cheese is a huge favourite of my brother's, and it seems his partner shares a similar love for it.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2025 00:12

Springisintheairohyeah · 20/12/2025 19:08

I'd probably plate up the expensive/tastiest/limited bits (meat, yorkies, stuffing, pigs in blankets etc.) then just make lots of extra veg and put that out for them to pad their plates with. That way not too controlling, but you're making sure he doesn't get the lion's share of the good stuff

yeah this would be my approach I think. the stuff they like to take takes take, dish up. the stuff that's comparatively cheap and you can make tons of, leave buffet style. plate them up extra stuffing, and maybe get some cheaper joints of mean to supplement.

TinselTitts · 21/12/2025 00:10

Peclet · 21/12/2025 00:08

You’re a better person than me as I wouldn’t be able to sit and watch such gluttony. It’s very very revolting.

Plate it up. Hide the spare serving platters, keep some reserve roasties. Good luck to you!!

If what the OP says is true, it doesn't make her a better person.

In fact none of the 'on lookers' who put up with this selfish shit are better people.

JaneGrint · 21/12/2025 00:09

I normally like to do roasts in a buffet style too, but in these circumstances I would absolutely be plating up in advance in a separate room to make sure everyone else gets their fair share of the meal.

At least as far as the most popular stuff goes.

Maybe have extra veg in bowls on the table for people to help themselves too, most people would be less bothered about someone hogging the carrots or Brussels sprouts.

It does sound like there’s some sort of eating disorder going on though. This isn’t normal behaviour at all.

Peclet · 21/12/2025 00:08

You’re a better person than me as I wouldn’t be able to sit and watch such gluttony. It’s very very revolting.

Plate it up. Hide the spare serving platters, keep some reserve roasties. Good luck to you!!

dottymac · 21/12/2025 00:04

He sounds like a proper greedy b@stard. Gluttony and selfishness in one fully grown man - eww.

Cornishclio · 21/12/2025 00:03

Serve it up rather than people helping themselves. They sound very rude and inconsiderate and just greedy.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 20/12/2025 23:55

Just regarding your family history, it could well be an eating disorder caused by childhood trauma & neglect. If you are close to him, would you feel comfortable privately suggesting to him an eating disorder and/or childhood trauma therapist?

I'm a big believer in getting to the root cause of issues, in order to heal or solve a problem.

As others have suggested, I'd serve the plates, good job on your siblings and BILs for helping to guard the precious food offerings 😂

Wreckinball · 20/12/2025 23:47

Tell them they need to consider having a sandwich on the way up if they think they’ll need to eat for more than potion and you’ll be serving the same portions to each adult - it’s rude, it’s greedy and I would take his plate away and embarrass him if he starts behaving like a starved caveman

Bess91 · 20/12/2025 23:45

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 23:39

Sorry, I've had an incredibly busy evening. I thought it would be a good idea to wait until 10pm to brave Tesco and do my shop because it would be "quiet" haha. That didn't work.
I haven't yet managed to get through all replies but I will and thank you so much for all suggestions. I'm so grateful as I honestly thought people were going to be mean to me and say I'm horrible to my brother.

I just wanted to quickly update that I've been discussing this over WhatsApp with two of my sisters and both have given similar suggestions to what's on here, they've also agreed to be "on watch" along with their husbands and my husband to make sure he is regulated and kept in check!!

Sis also reminded me of another story - a time when he ate half a trifle but not he half you would think, the top half! 🤣 He apparently doesn't like the stuff on the bottom half so he just grabbed the entire trifle and ate the whole top half then left the rest. WTF 🤣 So Im really not sure he has a condition like Prada willi (sp?) because surely in that case he would eat everything in sight. He is capable of leaving stuff he doesn't like.

Oh and I STG they really did eat that much cheese at the wedding. They picked up wedges of brie and ate them like they were slices of cake.

Will go back and RTFT now, thanks again xx

Edited

He sound selfish and vile. I'm amazed what people will tolerate, but that wouldn't be stood for in my house. I can't believe you find it funny?

Original poster
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 20/12/2025 23:39

Sorry, I've had an incredibly busy evening. I thought it would be a good idea to wait until 10pm to brave Tesco and do my shop because it would be "quiet" haha. That didn't work.
I haven't yet managed to get through all replies but I will and thank you so much for all suggestions. I'm so grateful as I honestly thought people were going to be mean to me and say I'm horrible to my brother.

I just wanted to quickly update that I've been discussing this over WhatsApp with two of my sisters and both have given similar suggestions to what's on here, they've also agreed to be "on watch" along with their husbands and my husband to make sure he is regulated and kept in check!!

Sis also reminded me of another story - a time when he ate half a trifle but not he half you would think, the top half! 🤣 He apparently doesn't like the stuff on the bottom half so he just grabbed the entire trifle and ate the whole top half then left the rest. WTF 🤣 So Im really not sure he has a condition like Prada willi (sp?) because surely in that case he would eat everything in sight. He is capable of leaving stuff he doesn't like.

Oh and I STG they really did eat that much cheese at the wedding. They picked up wedges of brie and ate them like they were slices of cake.

Will go back and RTFT now, thanks again xx

OP posts:
Bess91 · 20/12/2025 23:38

Just from reading your OP, I feel sick. I wouldn't spend my Christmas dinner with someone so greedy that they're shovelling other people's portions into their mouths. No one needs 8 yorkshire puddings. It's disgusting.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/12/2025 23:34

RosesAndHellebores · 20/12/2025 18:42

Didn't your mother bring him up with sufficiently good manners not to behave like a pig at the table?

Or his father perhaps?

MooFroo · 20/12/2025 23:25

you’ll have plate up the expensive or fancy stuff and then let them have as much veg and carbs as they can have @xAwaywiththefairiesx

We have some family members who always stuck up their plates and go back for seconds and thirds. When we host which we will be doing this Christmas, we now serve the meat on the plate for everybody and put out all the sides and extra stuff as a buffet. Even then we’ve started to limit the serving dishes and top up again as needed to make sure everyone gets some of everything.

We always make plenty of food but it’s sooooo annoying when 2/3 people overeat - they are also the ones who want a doggy bag to take home!

We asked for contributions one year from each family - there’s about 30 of us so it’s expensive hosting. The big eaters kept asking what they paid £50 for as it all looked the same food as last year and made sure they ate more than normal! Wanted to scream, yes mate that’s what it costs us every year - we spend a few hundred pounds to feed you all while you turn up with a £5 box of chocolates

fun and games eh!

KimuraTan · 20/12/2025 23:21

Dartmoorcheffy · 20/12/2025 18:36

I would plates up the food for people and have another person running it to the table. Do lots of extra toasties and get a load of sausages and bacon from lidl to make cheap pigs in blankets. I would also buy 4 bags of the mini frozen Yorkshires they have too (about 50p for a bag of 15 ) and put those in bowls aa extras on the middle of the table

This and loads of veg and gravy with Yorkshire puds.

Definitely get someone to help you serve and only give an allocated amount - your brother and his partner sound like greedy pigs. And I’d be tempted to comment.

GarlicRound · 20/12/2025 23:17

MO0N · 20/12/2025 23:12

Too much of the plain speaking for you?
Ok, how about 'I wouldn't want to enable someone with an obvious eating disorder'?

Show quote history

Great. I'm imagining Christmas dinner with you shoving food into the anorexic's mouth, yelling "Swallow that, stick insect!" on repeat. You must be a popular host.

IridiumSky · 20/12/2025 23:17

Hilarious! Especially the eating cheese for 200 people. 😀

Is this bloke massively obese? Can’t see how he can’t be. Plate up all the meals yourself. It’ll do the greedy pig good to have a day off from stuffing his face.