Was my therapist allowed to ask me this?

Therapist’s aren’t perfect and we get stuff wrong sometimes. I personally refrain from commenting on appearance but in this case it seems he was concerned and the intention was therefore good.

Not only is he allowed to ask you that, he has to. He has a duty to ensure your well being is not at risk and if he feels you are a risk to yourself he can break confidentiality and refer you to other services.

Well a psychiatrist could ask it so why not a therapist? I guess the language is blunt and crass. Like even if you were you're not going to be framing it as 'starving yourself'. Many people with anorexia find it hard to admit it even to themselves.

Anyway you're not and you said so just don't talk about it again. If they mention it again say you're not interested in talking about weight or eating.

You say he’s diagnosed body dysmorphia, so even though you feel bigger than ever, he might not be seeing that. He’s concerned so has said something to you.

He can see that you've visibly lost a lot of weight but you 'feel' bigger than ever. As you have body dysmorphia I think that sounds like a worrying combination.

I would throw the scales away if I were you. You're doing a lot of exercise so I would stop counting calories and just concentrate on eating well now.

I don't think it was wrong of him to ask but I think it was wrong of him to end with such a loaded question.

Of course! 🤨

The scales may not be showing it but obviously your appearance is concerning him.

You have a diagnosis of body dysmorphia. He needs to be asking you blunt questions if they think you are self harming

Yes, he is allowed to ask. And sometimes therapists can be confronting and say things we don't want to hear or that don't sound right. It can make us angry at them or even feel we hate them. A good therapist will work with that and realise there's big emotions there that need to be explored. The best thing you can do is be honest at the next session and tell him that you were so perplexed by his question you even took it to an online forum to see if he was allowed to ask. Then you can both work through why it caused that reaction.

You say you eat 1800 calories a day, so weight loss could be very slow. And depending what you eat you could feel bloated as a result. Do you exercise a lot? Maybe you've toned up. A BMI of 22.7 seems well within a healthy weight.

It’s not very skilful of him to dump that on you at the end of a session

Surely you want the therapist to help you? If so let them ask whatever they think might help. Why would you put certain subjects oput of bounds unless you don't want the therapist to uncover an accurate diagnosis?

Sounds like a good therapist to me. Or would you prefer a therapist who supports you in avoiding your potential issues?

He was right to ask if he was concerned but he should have left enough time to resolve the conversation and give a "safe landing".

Perhaps they don't remember how big you looked before or you were wearing really flattering clothes this time. Have you checked your scales, they are sometimes not very accurate. Are you actually heavy for your height or is it just your perception?

Of course, that's a reasonable question. That's checking on your wellbeing.

My CMHN asked me what was going on after me not seeing her for a fortnight. She noticed my weight loss, my clothes not staying up.

She said it was good I'm losing weight but the speed of it in a couple of weeks was extreme.

I am overweight at 14st. I was just shy of 17st at the start of September.

Sounds like you have an excellent therapist. Observant and on the ball.

Not much point going to therapy if they can't ask difficult questions. What you answer is up to you, but I assume the point is to try to be honest.

Ok, so 3 things jump out from your reply. 1. I am sure you know that part of your disordered thinking is treating feelings as if they are factual, and responding as if they were a true reflection of what is happening around you, which then drives your anxiety up. 2. You seem overly reactive to anything about your appearance, which gently, I would suggest is also part of your anxiety thinking. Many people would be able to brush off such a comment. 3. A lot of anxiety is made worse by avoidance and distress intolerance - ie, I feel bad so I must shut this down or change what I am doing to avoid this feeling. Feeling that some things should not be discussed may be part of that?

Given what you said about your reason for being in therapy, I think your response makes sense and it would be worth discussing his question and your reactions with your therapist.

Good luck with everything.

He is allowed. And you are allowed to decline to answer it.

But he was shit at handling it. 'Before you go, here is this huge question/potentially distressing subject to open up', that's a terrible way to end a session, something that is advised against very early in training. What kind of therapist is he?

What kind of therapist?
Only certain types are allowed to make diagnoses.
There are some that overstep and use questionable methods. It is very unusual and imo inappropriate to bring this up in the way he did.

What about the question bothers you OP? Are you afraid of the intention behind it? Or do you think he should not mention appearance at all - does it trigger you when people mention your appearance? You mentioned need for control and bulimia and anorexia are completely bound up in excessive need for control. So I think it is quite right to ask about someones welfare if you notice a change in appearance - for example, if you had a history of self harm and the therapist noticed marks on your arm, it would be negligent not to ask.