Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

A perfect response!

In addition to saying no, I would be asking your friend what it is that makes her think you are in a position to support her financially? (Let alone be willing to!). I'd be interested to hear the response.
And tbh I don't think your friend sounds like she particularly brings much to your life, just from your post - but then 22 years is a very long friendship. Is this unexpected? Out of character? I'd just be questioning the reasons, the motive etc.

I think your friends believe you're loaded due to your late husband's death and are unfortunately taking advantage. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Well, OP is of the opinion that the plan is quitting her employment, and going off travelling, just as she has been saying she’d like to do, and here’s OP with her supposed bankroll which only the loss of her husband afforded her.
But even if no such larks are envisaged, I’d still indict this friend. Her presumption about what’s appropriate here is beyond the Pale.

@binkie163 yes indeed!

I asked about rabbits because they "binkie" when they're happy:)

Wishing you peace

“I am deeply shocked and saddened by your audacious request, today of all days.
What on earth is it about me that makes you think it’s feasible to ask me to work to support you, while you go off travelling the world ?
Please tell me you were joking.”

I am sorry to hear about your dad as well. No rabbits but do have wild hare in our fields. It's really distasteful that some people think death/inheritance is some sort of communal lottery win!

@DPotter it’s iron clad and allocated in such a way it will drive them round the bend if they outlive me!

@LadyKedleston they get a mention. Not one they’ll like!

@SleafordSods I’m hale and hearty and no sign of relapse, thank you!

@grinchmcgrinchface there are some surprises for them in there!

I had similar - friendship not nearly as long though. She knew I had a sizeable inheritance from a parent and made much of how she would never be able to buy more than a small flat on her earnings and how unfair it was. Then suggested she move to my county and become my housemate while she looked for a job nearby. Nope. Then suggested we buy somewhere together, using my money for the deposit. Hard nope. All the time going on about how she hated her job, her living situation etc but never doing anything to change it.

There were other examples but I realised she saw me as a cashpoint rather than a friend. She was bloody hard work at times but never quite made the connection that she was the common denominator in all her crises.

She has tried to contact me since, apparently having done some reflection, but it left a very unpleasant taste and I have not replied.

"No sorry I wouldnt be able to afford to do that"

If your friends family and bank wont help her.. theres a reason

Reply ONCE and with no 'I'm sorry but' or 'I wish I could' in your response. A simple "Mary, I am not in a position to offer you any financial assistance but I wish you well". Then ignore any future messages asking for money.

Remember JADE. Never "Justify, Argue/Apologize, Defend, or Explain".

Are you sure you haven't just known her for 22 years rather than being your friend? Her being so self-absorbed when you became a widow, then coming to you as a cash out (plus, any friend I had that long wouldn't have detailed financial info about me, but they'd know I wasn't in a position to support an adult...) Don't feel guilty, just be honest, and enjoy your real friends and maybe look into making a few new ones. Happy Holidays!

All we know for sure about the friend is that she's single, unhappy, and has asked if OP would be willing to offer financial help. It does sound more like she's after a gift than a loan but she hasn't been very clear. We don't know what her plans are because she hasn't said that either.

Just say no.

Do not offer an explaination.

If she persists, she is not your friend.

Do not allow her to emotionally blackmail you.

I'd never dream of putting a friend in this position. How can she possibly think that you should subsidise her in a lifestyle choice? She sounds like a truly insensitive person who doesn't consider others at all, except where they can facilitate her.
Just because you've known her 22 years doesn't change that. A long friendship and a good friendship are not always the same. Though we sometimes mistake the two through habit and sentiment. I'd tell her no, and I'd see her differently after this.

If you don't want to help her financially (and there's absolutely no reason why you should) could you sugar the pill by offering to help her budget for a trip, or offering to help plan it? Is she intending to rent out her flat? You could help her to declutter to get it ready for tenants, but only if you're inclined to do that; you are under no obligation.

Gosh, I wouldn't be doing ANY of that if a supposed friend asked me to sub a holiday for months away, when I had lost my husband in the last couple of years. Why does the OP need to sugar the pill? She won't want help to plan the trip, she only wants the dosh.
The friend is brazen, rude and appears to have no consideration for the OP.

I agree the friend has been insensitive but I don't think it's not OK to ask a friend for help generally, whether that's financial or otherwise

How incredibly insensitive of her. I’m afraid she’s absolutely not a friend.

If she truly was she would remember that (even if a day out) this is a day of remembrance and support, not a moment to seek out a someone else to fulfill their dreams because they don’t have the incentive themselves.

Our daughter died 16 years ago and only last week a friend asked me if we were still heading out to her resting place on Christmas Day. For 16 years friends turn out Christmas morning for us, and then go and visit their families.
My thoughts are with you during this time and I really do hope someone has the same energy to share your grief and make the anniversaries easier to remember.

Time to forget this woman.

Sorry for your loss OP x

I really don’t think that’s very helpful to OP.

Tell your friend she has won an honourable mention for CF Hall of Fame.
Who on earth even thinks a friend should start financing their life, just because??

I think you need to cut her loose. You’re not her sugar mama. Tell her that her entitlement is creating too much emotional pressure on you and you want to take some significant time out from your relationship with her to reassess.

I'm utterly astounded at the mere request of financial support at a time when she should be offering you emotional support.

And then there is the lack of specificity. Many of us may chip in to help a friend who decided to go on a leave or quit a job in order, for example, to care for a spouse with a long, terrible disease or a child with an incurable condition. But she can't even bother to tell you why she needs the money!!!

Neither a borrower nor a lender be…

I’m sorry @winterhaze but she has contacted you today because she knows you will be vulnerable. You need to say ‘no’ and if she is a true friend she will accept this.

I am so sorry for your loss and can’t believe it brings the vultures out. Sending you a big hug 💐

Yes, my mind just boggles too!

Leave all your money to the donkeys. DHs grandfather did this when MIL was behaving similar. We had a right chuckle.