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Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
NoPaintedPony · 21/12/2025 18:49

Please don’t fund her!
My husband died young, 6 years ago. I had ‘friends’ making similar requests and comments. They also expected me to be constantly available for them. They are not friends they are grief tourists. They think that our lives are easy when in fact it is anything but easy.
Just think and answer truthfully: how many times have they been there for you? Sat with you? Listened to you? Comforted you? Helped you through a wobble because you bought ur OH’s favourite biscuits out of habit? I bet they haven’t been there for any of that. Take care of yourself x

Katr673 · 21/12/2025 18:49

I am so sorry for your loss, please don't give this person a penny. She is not a friend, she is a leech. A true friend would never put you in this position.

swingingbytheseat · 21/12/2025 18:42

sign post her to a bank loan, she can eff off

MagicStarrz · 21/12/2025 18:38

I'm sorry for your loss OP and no do not do it.

Just say no.

Doubledenim305 · 21/12/2025 18:34

I think you do know what to do.
She sounds a bit unhinged tbh... thinking that that was an acceptable thing to ask. You have just learnt a valuable lesson about your 'friend_. Definitely let that friendship cool off. Care about her but with your eyes wide open about what she's really like.
So sorry for your loss and the stress she has caused.

Pineapplewaves · 21/12/2025 18:27

Just say no - if she hates her job she can find a new one, if she hates her flat she can move, if she wants to go travelling she can save up for it, a second/weekend job would help her save quicker. Everything she hates about her life she can and needs to change it herself.

pomers · 21/12/2025 18:12

Absolutely not. You will never get the money back. In any case why should you support her. Honestly I would end this friendship, ask her not to contact you again, block and move on; ditto ‘interior designer’

ilovegranny · 21/12/2025 18:11

My husband died this year and there is definitely a perception from some people, especially some of his family, that I am a rich widow. I’m not, I’m financially comfortable thanks to my own working life, but not comfortable enough to support another’s aspirations, and I wouldn’t even if I could. Neither should you, and your friend is very wrong to ask. Good luck.

IlldoItNowInAMinute · 21/12/2025 18:10

This person is not your friend. Absolutely no.

BellissimoGecko · 21/12/2025 18:06

Also, I’m really sorry for your loss. I hope you can be kind to yourself today.

BellissimoGecko · 21/12/2025 18:05

No. No. No. Just say you have no spare money. Then I’d slowly withdraw from the relationship.

YowieeF · 21/12/2025 18:02

100% don’t lend her money!

Apocketfilledwithposies · 21/12/2025 18:01

Oh OP I'm sorry you've had such a long term friend be so greedy, thoughtless and shameless. And I'm sorry for your loss.

I'd just not even reply. Concentrate on yourself - you'll be matching her energy and not wasting any of yours on her.

Loveapineapplepizzame · 21/12/2025 18:00

I’m so sorry about the loss of your DH. I couldn’t even fathom such a loss, especially at this time of year. Sending huge hugs.

Just say no. Similar to you I have a long standing friend who is constantly struggling however asked me for funds to cover her caravan site fees (something we couldn’t afford to have either!) and I lent it to her on the understanding I’d have it back the following month. Took me 6 months of asking to get it back and I had various sob stories. But I pushed and pushed. I’d never lend such an amount out again.

Your friend however sounds like she wants you to bank roll whatever she has planned as opposed to a loan. So it would be a hard no from me. Stand your ground.

outerspacepotato · 21/12/2025 17:58

She wanted to spend your money, not hers.

I think your friendship is done, she tried to prey on you during a horrifically vulnerable time and she did it knowingly. She's definitely not someone you want to keep in your life.

August1980 · 21/12/2025 17:54

Send us get details and we will say no to her on your behalf.
please don’t do this OP.

Blablibladirladada · 21/12/2025 17:49

No, I am sorry, I am not able to.

NoKidsSendDogs · 21/12/2025 17:07

Say NO. I can't imagine any of my friends asking me something so ridiculous.

cestlavielife · 21/12/2025 16:33

Just ignore her

TFImBackIn · 21/12/2025 13:08

I'd write: "So you have the money but thought you'd ask me for the money my husband left me, instead?"

Then I'd block her. Awful woman.

AngelicKaty · 21/12/2025 10:52

I'm so sorry OP. The request was brazen enough in the first place, but for it to land on the anniversary of your DH's death was particularly crass and cruel. Well, you now know what you're dealing with and can withdraw from this "friendship" - she's shown you who she is. Take care of yourself. 💐

TeaRoseTallulah · 21/12/2025 10:22

BennyHenny · 20/12/2025 10:43

I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’d be shutting your friend down unequivocally “I’m not in a position to support anyone one but myself following DH’s passing exactly three years ago today”.

I would be replying with something like this, no explanation and no discussion.

I'm very sorry for your loss OP x

Overthebow · 21/12/2025 10:20

winterhaze · 21/12/2025 09:00

Apologies for the slow response and update. Yesterday was a bad day for me with swirling thoughts of my DH.

I got a text from her about an hour ago saying: "I'm just going to quit anyway and use my savings to travel. I'm so unhappy with everything at work."

So essentially, she had savings all along - and just didn't want to spend her own money...

To be honest, I haven't given her much thought since I was overwhelmed with grief and feeling generally wiped out, but it's safe to say that the friendship is forever changed/over.

That’s even worse. So she wanted you to use your savings to support her because she didn’t want to use her own? What is wrong with some people?

comeondover · 21/12/2025 10:19

winterhaze · 21/12/2025 09:00

Apologies for the slow response and update. Yesterday was a bad day for me with swirling thoughts of my DH.

I got a text from her about an hour ago saying: "I'm just going to quit anyway and use my savings to travel. I'm so unhappy with everything at work."

So essentially, she had savings all along - and just didn't want to spend her own money...

To be honest, I haven't given her much thought since I was overwhelmed with grief and feeling generally wiped out, but it's safe to say that the friendship is forever changed/over.

That's outrageous, OP. Really sorry to hear this.

Winterwonderwhy · 21/12/2025 10:17

Please drop this friend op. A friend who isn’t supporting YOU through this difficult time and being so utterly selfish is not a friend. It doesnt matter if it’s 22 years