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Original poster

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
Endorewitch · 21/12/2025 23:39

I can't believe you are even asking. She is using the fact she has known you for 22years to manipulate you. She is a thoughtless ,selfish ,insensitive human being who isn't too bothered about you. A firm no is requested. And I would add that I couldn't believe she would ask such an unreasonable thing bizarre.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/12/2025 23:38

Wow. Cheeky git

sorry for your loss. Also a widow tho years ago

I couldn’t imagine my good friends asking me to support them while they galavant round the world

even more so with savings theirselves !!

thinking of you. Christmas is always harder 💐💐

Laurmolonlabe · 21/12/2025 23:01

Just say you are not in a position to support her financially, end of conversation.
Should you have spare money you should give it to a charity you support- not a friend who fancies being supported as if she were a teenager by a friend in a position not much better than her own, even if you have known her for years.
Could you imagine yourself asking her for support if your roles were reversed?

Granddama · 21/12/2025 22:54

NO! Tell her that your finding it tough to meet all the bills now you don't have two incomes. Keep a doorbell sound by the phone. It's handy for cutting short conversations on the phone, as you have to go and answer it!!!!😋

Happyhettie · 21/12/2025 22:17

You’ve had excellent advice and I have nothing to add however, I’m just posting to say I’m so sorry for your loss. 3 years is no time at all

Doubledenim305 · 21/12/2025 21:58

DoYouThinkYouCouldTell · 21/12/2025 20:15

My (late) bf of 47 years would never have put me in such an awkward position, nor I her. Don't get me wrong, we helped each other out of the shit but what your friend is asking CF territory.
On mn NO is a complete sentence apparently....

Yes and a CF is a CF.

Dawnb19 · 21/12/2025 21:55

I sorry about your husband OP.
I can't believe your friend actually asked for money. It wasn't even a loan she asked for. I bet she water you to find her life for a bit. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes back from her travels with a son story of having no money and wanting a loan or even somewhere to stay for a while. You don't need people like that. I wonder if she and your other friends have been talking about how much money they believe you have.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 21/12/2025 21:38

That has to be a definite NO! The quickest way to lose a freind is to lend them money. Don't do it. You are on your own now. You need every penny to ensure your own comfort.

Zerosleep · 21/12/2025 21:36

I never give money to family or friends, from past experience, it has inevitably always caused problems so is best avoided.

It sounds like you may need some time out from this friend. It’s no time since you lost your DH and this must be such a hard time of year for you. Maybe take some time out from listening to their moaning and invest in some positive stuff for yourself?

JohnTheRevelator · 21/12/2025 21:21

She's a CF.

Atsocta · 21/12/2025 21:18

Cheeky mare !! Say No your unable to help, Not the sort of friend you need tbh

tommyhoundmum · 21/12/2025 21:05

Just say "no". She wants you to fund her so she can leave work and travel.

What cloud are people like this on? She needs to buckle down and work and save for her plans like everyone else. The length of friendship is not relevant here.

Bernardo1 · 21/12/2025 20:47

No, no, no!

She's just taking advantage of you whilst you still are vulnerable.

The last thing you should do, is subsidise her so she can 'Travel'.

You surely realise you'll never be repaid?

Abab11 · 21/12/2025 20:24

Do not help financially! It’s very vague but even if it wasn’t, many people hate their jobs, but they don’t expect their friend to fund their lifestyle for a few months! No matter the length of the friendship it is not appropriate for you to fund her just because she wants to give up her job. I think your friendship dynamics will change if you lend her money!

DoYouThinkYouCouldTell · 21/12/2025 20:15

My (late) bf of 47 years would never have put me in such an awkward position, nor I her. Don't get me wrong, we helped each other out of the shit but what your friend is asking CF territory.
On mn NO is a complete sentence apparently....

Booboobagins · 21/12/2025 20:12

@winterhaze Im so sorry ou lost your DH.

I lost mine 6 days before my birthday and it's shocking how so called friends bahave.

Just say no to her. Make it clear you're living off your salary and don't have excess money.

I'm afraid you need better friends, these two are both leeches.

MrsPositivity1 · 21/12/2025 20:11

Absolutely not

dottiedodah · 21/12/2025 20:06

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss.you are grieving. How dare this so called friend try it on like this! I would say No flatly and block ASAP.shes a user .if she wants to travel fucking save up.or go on a working holiday. 2

changeme4this · 21/12/2025 20:00

My SIL asked us to guarantee a loan for her to consolidate debts. MIL was keen to see her daughter sort out her financial strife so we were under pressure, but I pulled the plug.

just had a horrible feeling about it all as well as the new show of love and warmth SIL was throwing our way.

6 months later after she got a bank friend to sign off on the loan without our guarantee, she was again in extra debt with large interest, and she filed for bankruptcy.

while this is slightly a different scenario to yours, the basics of if you can’t afford to lose what you have, don’t let someone lose it for you… regardless of what weak promise they give and how much it will turn their life around.

Trishyb10 · 21/12/2025 19:57

You must say no… we,ve all been stung over the years by THOSE type of people, absolutely shocking asking for money, when i was made redundant i went down to 7 stone as very little to eat after paying mortgage and bills BUT i never asked a soul for help.. shows you the measure of these people and i tell,you they won,t pay back, hold on tight to your cash and also, dont tell folk about your assets, they get jealous, all the very best ♥️

Ladymeade · 21/12/2025 19:34

As others have said 100% no!

Sorry for your loss and the crassness of a "friend's" insensitive and frankly CF request. xx

Charminggoldfinch · 21/12/2025 19:21

Say no OP - no explanation needed. It’s disgusting that your friends are eyeing up the money your husband left to you. I’m sorry they’ve let you down so badly. If your friend hates her life she needs to take steps to change it herself - which includes earning and saving up for travel plans.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 21/12/2025 19:14

Just say you don't have any spare income as on one salary now after loosing DH and are not in a position to offer support as you are going through a lot.

SpinningaCompass · 21/12/2025 19:12

winterhaze · 21/12/2025 09:00

Apologies for the slow response and update. Yesterday was a bad day for me with swirling thoughts of my DH.

I got a text from her about an hour ago saying: "I'm just going to quit anyway and use my savings to travel. I'm so unhappy with everything at work."

So essentially, she had savings all along - and just didn't want to spend her own money...

To be honest, I haven't given her much thought since I was overwhelmed with grief and feeling generally wiped out, but it's safe to say that the friendship is forever changed/over.

Yikes. I'd say it's over.

You lost your husband, and she sees this as a chance for her to travel the world with your financial support while her savings go untouched? WTF!?

I'm so sorry these vultures are in your life.

Pessismistic · 21/12/2025 19:06

Sorry to hear of your dh. It’s not been a long time and you have had 2 vultures asking. I would say to anyone who asked sorry no I’m alone and I have to make sure I have my finances to support me into old age. You work ft and I’m sure there have been times you haven’t wanted to go to work. Please look after yourself.