Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

No no no if she’s physically capable of looking after herself why can’t she, why should you support her whims? She obviously feels very entitled, she’s trying to take advantage of your situation when you’re most vulnerable. I don’t think she’s a good friend tbh, hope you have a lovely Christmas

“So glad to hear you are all sorted financially for your plans - always good to save! Have a lovely trip”

over and out!

Honestly I would call time on this “friendship”. When she goes off on her travels block her and move on with your life.

I cannot believe you have two so called ‘friends’ who see you as a cash cow because you lost your husband.

These people are vultures. They should be looking to support you, not leech from you because they only see a financial gain in this situation and not what it is actually about - the loss of your husband.

I would cut the pair of them off. They both sound vile.

NO! What a bloody cheek! This is not a good friend, she is a user and a chancer. I’d have no qualms in saying no.

Bear in mind, this is a person who lives in London in her parents' second flat paying minimal rent. This isn't someone who is hard up at all.

Oh well, there you are. She's used to being looked after and thought you might also like to step into that role. People can be so disappointing, but try to laugh about it a little bit if you can, OP.

Sending hugs darling. People are very clever when they want a way out and look for options. It’s very unfair and your “friend” has been very clever laying the foundations of a bad life, then testing the waters on you financially supporting her. That’s very different to a “I can’t afford to go for dinner” type scenario. You know the answer and many prev posts have executed the best response. No. With no explanation needed! Good luck in your future sending love.

As I've said to others "never borrow, never lend, if you want to keep a friend"
Id just say I have to work full time to live, I havnt got loads of money. Maybe try saving for whatever it is you want to do. I had a similar situation and lent a friend some money (£500) for a couple of weeks, after 3 months I was struggling myself and had to ask her to pay it back, I felt really embarrassed to have to do that, but she was really "off" about it, as if I'd no right to expect it to be re-paid. It took 6 months B4 I got it back. It sounds like your friends think your sitting on a pot of gold, make out your struggling and you'll soon find out who your real friends are. Let her get a Loan if she's going to pay it back anyway, What's the difference?

I’m so sorry for your loss. Now to your “friend”, I really don’t think you should even consider lending (giving) your friend any money, you’ll never get it back, if she has always wanted to travel in her later years she should have saved to pay for it. You do not need to give a reason but if you feel you need to you could say that you need to keep what little savings you have for a “rainy day”.

I am so sorry for your loss. I imagine you are completely nonplussed at such an outrageous request from a supposed friend. Given your later posts, she had savings all along, but she was shocking enough to lean on you. This is the sort of thing you might expect from a child, not a friend. In light of that I'm afraid I'd have to reassess this so called friendship, I'd keep her at arms length until you feel you might want to have a conversation with her about her unreasonable expectations from you and then I'd tell her that her asking for financial support at such a difficult time has irrevocably changed the dynamic of your relationship.

Commiserations. Look after yourself, she can sort herself out.

Please be prepared for the moment she contacts you from some dodgy country overseas because she has run out of money so that you are not blindsided and caught on the hop like this. Someone asking for money beforehand to fund a foray across Europe or wherever, is easy to refuse and very different to someone contacting you begging for money because they are hungry, no accommodation, broke and alone in a foreign country. That's a whole new guilt trip there. If that happens tell her your imaginary millions are tied up in offshore stocks and take years to get out.

Categorically NO. Not a very nice 'friend'. I would block her messages and voice messages ~ you don't need friends like her. So sorry you lost your husband ~ Christmas, Birthdays etc are difficult times for you ~ hope you get through it.

The brass neck of this 'friend'!!! Any money that came to you from the tragedy of your husbands early death is there to secure your future, not fund some entitled fucker's travel jaunts. The fact that she even asked is outrageous. But I see you have been approached by other opportunistic people....you are going to have to grow a bit of a thick skin and be very firm with these users. because thast exactly who and what they are. regardless of how long theyve been in your life.

I’m sorry for your loss .

reply "I’m sorry but no No I can’t there’s no spare funds available " .
say it as soon as possible give no other reasons .

the audacity of her wouldn’t we all like to go travelling!

Just say no I don’t have the spare cash. I said this to an online friend because I didn’t think I would ever be repaid.

Changing a number that op has prob had for years if anything like me - is a little extreme

friend just seems so cheeky she has savings

As soon as she flies out, block her on everything so can't contact you for the inevitable 'I've run out of money' calls. Better still, change your number so she can't call you from an unknown number.

If she asks again, mention a 15% interest rate and repayment plan drawn up by your solicitor. Hopefully that should put her off asking again if you formalise it and add 25% penalty charges for late repayments.

She doesn’t sound like a good friend. She sounds like an entitled user.

I hope you do manage to have a happy Christmas with friends and/or family. I think your friend was very unfair to ask and it must have been a shock after so many years. I would find it hard to forgive the request especially when she had savings herself. Do you think that because her parents subsidise her life she has come to feel entitled to be supported? I mean I'd like to swan off travelling myself sometimes but I am rather stuck with the daily grind of earning a living and keeping a household going and I certainly wouldn't ask old friends to contribute to that. I mean perhaps you could consider a few trips yourself rather than subsidising your friend?

Wow, say what you think @PInkyStarfish
manipulative, disrespectful, despicable, lowlife!!!
Gosh there’s no need to get nasty about it, they’ve been friends for over 20 years, sounds like from what op has said, this friend has never asked for a loan before.
personally, l have loaned friends money in the past, and it’s has been fully paid back, in good time, the minimum l’ve loaned is a £1,000 which l’ve been able and happy to do so.
I do understand this is a difficult time of year for you @winterhaze it’s sounds like you feel uncomfortable with this, then just say no, it really doesn’t have to be that deep, where it affects your friendship over this.

Stay strong! We have had this with close relatives and a couple of friends over the years. I cannot begin to comprehend it. A An aunt and cousin who wanted me to finance their startup , a friend who forgot her wallet multiple times when on days out ( until we got to the pub when it miraculously was discovered), another who wanted to build a unit in our garden to live in cost free. It's just mind boggling.

Sorry for your loss. The fact your friend is cagey about the amount show she's going to be equally vague and non committal about repayments.

Her behaviour over the years fits the profile of certain type of manipulator who preys on well meaning and compassionate and empathic people like yourself. More red flags here than Tiananmen Square on the first of October.

If you lend anything, it will never end. You'd be enabling her behaviour.

Be firm. What I always advise people to tell the potential borrower is to say 'if you want a loan, to go a bank.' If they say 'Oh but the bank won't lend me...' Then you say 'So that hardly inspires confidence, does it?'

Sorry to hear of your sad loss. Sad to say these are not friends. They are parasites.

Some people will see kindness as a weakness, you need to have firm boundaries around this stuff.

If someone asked me this, in the wake of a loss like that, I'd probably never speak to them again tbh. Its preying on someone in a vulnerable position.

She sounds awful, a moaning whinger constantly dumping on you who wants to take your money. You would be lucky to ever see any of it again.