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Original poster

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
OneFunBrickNewt · 20/12/2025 11:22

Ditto every other post.

HK04 · 20/12/2025 11:21

Blessedbethefruitloopss · 20/12/2025 11:21

No no.
Not in a position to, I work full time because I need to.
That’s all you need to say.

Even better 👆🏻

Mydadsbirthday · 20/12/2025 11:21

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you manage to get through today as gently as possible.

She sounds selfish - she is being unreasonable for the voice notes alone! And not a good friend to you, and incredibly cheeky to ask this. Say no and distance yourself.

HK04 · 20/12/2025 11:21

Under no circumstances lend her money or entertain this nonsense. She’s clearly been envious and feeling aggrieved. She won’t maybe take it well but too bad. She ended the friendship not you as a real friend wouldn’t ask. If you lend her even a small amount you’ll likely not get it back. Simple: I got your message. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time just now. I can relate as it’s been tough navigating widowhood too. In answer to your request I trust you’ll understand that the answer is no. More than willing to help you in other non financial ways.

Blessedbethefruitloopss · 20/12/2025 11:21

No no.
Not in a position to, I work full time because I need to.
That’s all you need to say.

Parloyrga · 20/12/2025 11:20

I would go so far as to cut them off completely, she's not your friend she's a hanger on keep your distance.

Happyjoe · 20/12/2025 11:19

Sorry for your sad anniversary today, I hope you'll take extra special care of yourself today.

As for your friend, you have to ask yourself what she does to enrich your life. It sounds to me that she is a negative person who sounds off to you too many times with little regard to your own needs and feelings.. nobody minds the odd moan at times, but if it's pretty much the only subject, nah.

To ask for money 'for a few months' is also something no friend would ask of another. You know you'd never get it back too yeah? Please, I'd much rather you did something nice for yourself, go on a spa or something lush as a treat. You've had a rough time of it.

FollowSpot · 20/12/2025 11:19

OP, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.

I too would send BennyHenny's message - which is clear and to the point and actually a lot more polite than she actually deserves.

And if she comes back to you - as crass self entitled people tend to do, just send grey rock answers, no discussion, no details. You do not have to justify or explain your answer.

"Decision made - nothing more to be said"
"Conversation been had - nothing to add"

She had the gall and brassneck to ask - it is 100% OK to answer.

And quite right - you need to take no risks on behalf of anyone else, no obligation or need to support anyone else. Bloody hell - what a load of piranhas!

Jugendstiel · 20/12/2025 11:19

You say: 'I am not in a position to do that. I am amazed you asked.'
And get better friends. To have two who decide you are a cash cow because your husband died is pretty shocking.
Most of my friends are richer than me. I would never dream of asking them for a penny, and I know they would never ask me because they don't need to.

IidentifyastheGrinch · 20/12/2025 11:18

Wow. Horrible that you have to deal with vultures circling on top of everything else.
I think maybe just don't even respond?

WildLeader · 20/12/2025 11:18

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/12/2025 11:17

This. I’m really sorry for your loss op. And the fact some ‘friends’ think you are now rolling in it and can exploit you.

Show quote history

I’ve heard other widows too complain of this. I too am so very sorry for your loss @winterhaze

WildLeader · 20/12/2025 11:17

My love, this isn’t the actions of a FRIEND!

and you know this on some level too.

be blunt. “No, I’m not going to do this for you”

repeat as often as required.

do not be afraid of letting this one go, she’s been appalling to you. This friendship has run its course.

of course, playing devil’s advocate here, she’s insensitive and a bit dim, if you are blunt, tell her that you actually find her repeated hints and brazen request absolutely ridiculous, maybe it’ll shunt her back into a semblance of normality, and your friendship can recover.

but if you pay up, she won’t ever pay you back, it won’t be a couple of months, she’ll extend it and and extend it and ask again and again

you will end up resenting her, hating her and you’ll be out of pocket.

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/12/2025 11:17

Vaxtable · 20/12/2025 10:39

Just say no. Sorry xxx but I don’t have any spare funds to help you

they don’t need to know any more than that

Edited

This. I’m really sorry for your loss op. And the fact some ‘friends’ think you are now rolling in it and can exploit you.

JLou08 · 20/12/2025 11:16

I wouldn't even ask my parents to financially support me. I'm shocked anyone would think it okay to ask a friend to financially support them. It's a whole new level if cheeky fuckery. I probably would have thought it was a joke and laughed if a friend asked me that.

ThatWhiteElephant · 20/12/2025 11:16

So sorry for your loss.
I really can’t believe your friend even asked you, how bloody insensitive!
I would just reply ‘Sorry no, I am not now and won’t ever be in a position to help you financially’.

outerspacepotato · 20/12/2025 11:14

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Her request for you to pay her bills and support her financially while she goes off to travel and have a good time or whatever she wants is nuts.

Say no and make it clear you won't be giving her any money now or in the future and that her request is really overstepping the boundaries of your friendship. Whatever your husband left is for you to care for yourself for the rest of your life since he isn't here to do that. He wouldn't want to be supporting freeloaders.

Unfortunately, this isn't all that unusual when you're widowed. People think you've gotten life insurance paid and an estate left and they try to take advantage. There are vultures that prey on the vulnerable and your "friend" seems to be one of those. Instead of working extra and saving money for her travel or other plans, you should foot the bill because you must have some money. And that she's doing it around the anniversary of his death when you're more vulnerable is deliberate. She's been priming you for this request with all her complaints and now she's showed you who she really is.

Back off from this person. She's not really a friend at all.

BillieWiper · 20/12/2025 11:14

Outrageous thing to ask of someone. And in a fucking voice note. Like who on this planet would agree to do that for anyone?!

I'd just stop replying to her tbh. She's clearly not all there if she's requesting this. Why can't she go on benefits like a normal person?

liamharha · 20/12/2025 11:13

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

You say fuck off op 🙄. Seriously how cheeky to ask and put you in that position .
If she was struggling to make her rent or eat them I'd certainly be open to helping a friend but this is pure cheeky fuckery .

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 20/12/2025 11:12

So sorry - today must be a hard day for you. As for your friend, just tell her that you can't afford to support her financially, but in any case, you don't think it would be advisable to let money get in the way of a long friendship, and it undoubtedly will. And, wish her well in sorting out her situation.

CalculatingCrispen · 20/12/2025 11:11

BennyHenny · 20/12/2025 10:43

I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’d be shutting your friend down unequivocally “I’m not in a position to support anyone one but myself following DH’s passing exactly three years ago today”.

This is perfect. Succinct and lets her know how totally inappropriate her request is

She really is NO friend @winterhaze

Elsvieta · 20/12/2025 11:11

"Afraid I'm not in a position to financially support anyone else, no".

Alternatively: Mate, I think your phone's been hacked. You'll never believe what some chancer sent me...

Bigminnie1 · 20/12/2025 11:11

I am sorry for you loss but Jesus Christ, she’s no friend. She’s got a fucking cheek and tell her absolutely not.

LadyKedleston · 20/12/2025 11:09

Support her financially? So pay all her bills and expenses?

No.

Aligirlbear · 20/12/2025 11:09

So sorry for your loss and at this time of year you will be feeling vulnerable and sad - not a time to make any rash decisions. Lending money to friends and family seldom ends well. The answer is sorry but I never lend money to friends or family and step back this isn’t a real friendship.

hby9628 · 20/12/2025 11:09

Absolutely not! She sounds random and “a few months” is vague. You will end up in a tricky situation. If she wants to quit her job & go travelling she can fund this another way.