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Original poster

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
TreesinthePark · 20/12/2025 11:35

She is not a friend and I honestly think you need to cut contact. She poses a serious risk if you became ill or more vulnerable in some way.

DPotter · 20/12/2025 11:34

Sorry for your loss Flowers
It doesn't even sound as if she's after a loan, but an outright gift of money which is waaaaay beyond anything a real, true friend would ask.

Take a breath and reply "No. And NEVER ask me for anything EVER again." And don't worry about replying by text - she didn't even have the balls to ask you in person

Picklelily99 · 20/12/2025 11:34

Your 'friend' is for another day. Not this day. Today is all about you and your husband. To reflect on the love you shared, your life together, happy times, silly times, wonderful memories of a life shared. Maybe watch some favourite films, make a favourite meal of his. Take the day and just wallow in your love for him.
I am really sorry for your loss.

Charlenedickens · 20/12/2025 11:33

I’m so sorry and that’s shocking, she is no friend of yours. Please don’t let her take you for a mug, just say I’m sorry that’s not going to be possible, the money is earmarked,

im utterly shocked anyone would be so grabby and ask for this.

UninitendedShark · 20/12/2025 11:33

No.

Lairymary · 20/12/2025 11:33

Yikes, that's CFery right there, and sounds like she's been playing the long game trying to butter you up. Just imagine, she could have been looking for different jobs while she was moaning about it. And she wants to "support" her, so you're not loaning the money either! No, no, no.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 20/12/2025 11:31

Delete the message and block her.
She isn't af friend anymore..
Sorry for your loss op.

AwfullyGood · 20/12/2025 11:31

She's not an friend - she's a grabby, horrible, insensitive CF.

I wouldn't even respond. If she texts again, respond as follows:

"I didn't respond to your initial request as I was giving you the benefit of the doubt as I didn't think that a friend of 22 years could be so insensitive, entitled and disrespectful. Go leech elsewhere".

Zanatdy · 20/12/2025 11:31

Wow how rude of them. Absolutely say no. Can’t believe the nerve of some people.

Loloblue · 20/12/2025 11:30

Sorry for your loss. Your friend is a grown arse woman who should not expect anyone else to fund her lifestyle. Gross of her to ask.

rhubarbhandsoap · 20/12/2025 11:30

Please don’t do this. You’re being taken advantage of and manipulated, which is especially cruel when you’re going through a vulnerable time. Protect yourself, your future feelings and your sanity. No good will come of giving this person money. Sending love 💐

CautiousLurker2 · 20/12/2025 11:30

Not sure how the voting goes, but you would be VU to give her a penny. You are, sadly, a single person now and you have to protect your financial future. It’s what your late DH would have wanted, not to give it away to some wastrel who ‘doesn’t like her job’ and fancies going travelling.

I know it’s hard saying no, but there is a difference between a friend (who wouldn’t ask this of you) and a person you have simply known a long time. Has taken me a long time to work that out. Friendship isn’t measured in years, in measured in the quality of the relationship and the level of demands they make on you.

thisoneiscalledbluebellsinpastels · 20/12/2025 11:29

Surely this is a wind up? you are actually considering supporting her "for months" whilst she swans about on holiday?

If this is a genuine post, this person is a conniving parasite and not remotely a "friend".

It doesnt matter if you've known her 22 years or 2 months, she is a literal piece of shit for targeting a widow and expecting you to bank roll her. Block her and tell her to go fuck herself.

Bananalanacake · 20/12/2025 11:28

Tell her you think her phone has been hacked, scammers have used AI to replicate her voice and ask for money, you're sure it's a scam as she would never do something so unbelievably cheeky, would she?

Scoffingbiscuits · 20/12/2025 11:28

If you have some spare money to spend I can think of a few thousand charities who can make good use of it. I'm not sure why she thinks her wanting a holiday should come top of that list.

LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 20/12/2025 11:26

This is not a friend. Sorry for your loss OP

VikingsandDragons · 20/12/2025 11:24

The only thing a real friend would be sending you today is a message saying they are thinking of you and missing your DH today, this person is not a friend.

Overthebow · 20/12/2025 11:24

Just say no. If she wants a few months off she can save for it herself.

Stompingupthemountain · 20/12/2025 11:24

Well, she can jog the fuck on can’t she. What a wildly, outrageously, mind-bogglingly entitled and unreasonable request. Like others have said a decent person would never ask even their spouse or parents, let alone a friend, to throw money at them for “a few months” so they could piss about.

itsthetea · 20/12/2025 11:24

How awful for you
and no is the only answer

moonlightinthelibrary · 20/12/2025 11:24

You must say no. This is ludicrous.

I cant even believe you're asking us - the answer is NO. This vague supporting her financially for months could mean thousands and thousands of pounds! why on earth would anyone agree to that for a good friend, let alone someone who has treated you poorly.

Come on OP- grow some balls and say no to this ridiculous request.

Summerhut2025 · 20/12/2025 11:23

Tell her absolutely not and block her and spend time with other friends or make new ones. No friends would be better than someone who clearly thinks you’re a rich widow and that she deserves some of your money. Trust me your husband will be up there absolutely seething at the audacity. Honour his memory by removing this vulture from your life. Then take yourself off on a nice holiday to rub it in to her and never give her another thought again. Some people are just unbelievable, she needs teaching a severe lesson.

BigFenianEnergy · 20/12/2025 11:23

I imagine this will be fairly unanimous. So, she wasn’t much help to you over the years re husband and I’m guessing she isn’t taking time out to make sure you’re ok today? I imagine now you’ll lose the friendship anyway. If you give the money, you’ll be annoyed when she doesn’t give it back. If you don’t, she’ll drift away.

you need to say you don’t have it but would give if you did. Not that you should need to.

I hope you’re ok today and I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

Friendlygingercat · 20/12/2025 11:23

I agree with the PP upthread. If the friend needed the money to cover a temporary emergency - boiler needs fixing/new fridge or similar then it would be different and you might consider it. Although these are the things most people would put on a credit card. You would be lending a defined sum for a defined purpose. However the reason your friend gives is far too nebulous and self indulgent. Giving up a job and going travelling is pretty self indulgent if you dont have the means. I would send a brief message back that you are not able to help and dont give a reason.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 20/12/2025 11:22

Vaxtable · 20/12/2025 10:39

Just say no. Sorry xxx but I don’t have any spare funds to help you

they don’t need to know any more than that

Edited

Pretty much this. @winterhaze Just say 'no I can't, I do not have spare funds...' Do NOT give any reasons, as she will give counter-reasons why you CAN do it.

She is a cheeky cow. I mean really?! Assuming you're minted because your husband died. Even if you are, it's nothing to do with anyone else, and you don't have to support anyone.

I'm actually gobsmacked! I would find it hard to get past this with anyone who did this to me (especially after my husband died near Christmas,) and I have to say I would be giving her a VERY wide berth from now on. If she questions why you're avoiding her, tell her why.

Disgusting behaviour from her, what a grabby article she is! She will be asking you if she can move in with you next!

Sorry to hear about your husband too @winterhaze Flowers