Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

NO.

Clear assertive statements.

'The answer is no, as I'm not in a position myself to lend or give money.'

Don't get into conversation, 'but what abouts ... if you were really my friend you'd ... ' manipulative attempts to twist you.

On repeat with the broken record:

'As I said, the answer is no.' Same words, with neutral tone, expression and body language.

And especially do not be emotionally blackmailed with self harm threats. If that happens, call the police as an emergency.

If she isn't behaving like that and you want to continue the friendship you could do the boundary setting:

'As I said, I'm not in a position to give or lend financial support, so I can't do that.

What I can do is help you with practicalities like polishing your CV and LinkedIn, going to networking events, seeking and making job applications, interview preparation etc.'

Her reaction will tell you a lot - if she accepts that, she's genuinely looking to get back on her own feet.

If she chucks that back at you, calls you a bad friend for not giving handout - she has no intention of improving her own life and will be a sucking leech forever.

I'm so sorry OP.

It's a really outrageous request. Sometimes people are so cheeky that it's hard to even believe that they are serious!

I knew someone who used to hint that she'd like to move into my house. And how nice it would be if "someone" would keep a room for her while she went travelling. I was unwell at the time and felt quite vulnerable.

I distanced myself from her.

Sadly OP as you’re discovering, money changes people.

Ive known several friends who have been widowed, had an inheritance, sold a property even been made redundant who have then been asked to lend money or found so called friends started scrounging off them.
After my friend sold her late parents house, she went on holiday with a long term friend who didn’t take enough money and then expected her to pick up the tab even saying ‘well you can afford it now’ - like her parents life long savings were to pay for rounds of cocktails in Greece ffs

So sorry for your loss.

Say no. She needs to fund her own life.

I have plenty of friends who are financially better off than me. I would never, ever ask them for money. I have asked one of them if she could organise some work experience for my youngest as she works in that field. She is going to see what she can do. That is the sort of favour that is normal amongst friends I would say not to give/ lend big sums of money. I am gifting a guitar to another friend as she wants it for her son. Again, no big deal and its worth about £85 is I chose to sell if. I wouldn’t give her something that was worth more than that as I couldn’t afford it. so I think friends do small favours for each other normal for large amounts of money.
I would reply and say “I have money for the bills but nothing left over now I’m on my own. It’s the anniversary of x’s death today actually so I am struggling a bit.”

Even if you had a lot of money it’s for you to invest/ spend not find others. I assume you don’t have loads anyway if you are still working full time.

Oh goodness, you poor thing, it’s bad enough losing someone without the money bees buzzing around you! Glad you’re saying no, if she’s got no job to return to she’ll be asking g for her rent etc to be covered and you’ll likely never get it back, when surely you’d want to spend your own money on your own travelling!

No way. I am sure you would also like to piss off bare foot and fancy free into the sunset while someone else takes care of your bills. But you don't and neither do most people who don't have some sort of huge inheritence and aren't 18.
If the friend wanted to do this she has had 22 years since you have known her to save.
If she questions you then say your money is tied up and used, its not available.
I have some very wealthy friends and I wouldnt in a million years ever ask them..my mum always says you make your own bed and now have to lie in it.

Unless you don't mind supporting her for the rest of her life just say no. Tell her anything you have to to make sure she realises it's a firm no. I don't have any spare money, everything is long term invested and I can barely live on the income as it is. A very firm no, never, or she may turn up having quit her job begging for money suggesting she thought you had agreed to help if you were at all equivocal in your reply. Don't say I can't at the minute or imply you might be able to another time.

Voice notes repeatedly asking for money?
She’s not a friend

Please don't, i lent a "friend " money which i won't see again, in the meantime she pays over £110 every 6 weeks for her hair, then her nails has holidays in the Caribbean and has fallen out with me because i won't loan her another £5,000 which she said she would pay at £100 / month, and has just retired from work.

No is the answer , no explanations just no. I can't believe someone would think this is OK to ask you.

Sending hugs, I can’t imagine how difficult this day is for you.

I don’t even think I’d dignify her request with a response. If she asks again, possibly send her ‘I can’t believe you’ve asked this. Obviously no’. Unfeeling cow.

I'd be clear that it's a completely inappropriate request too, don't just say no.

'friend, this is a very strange and inappropriate thing to ask. I'm not able or willing to financially support anyone else. I'll pretend you haven't asked this and we don't have to mention it again'.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband

No friend would ask for a loan in this way, so do say no, I'm not in any position to do that, but also do remove her from your closer friend group - she doesn't belong there.

Might as well title this thread Does this CF want to rob me blind?
If you are v.rich and feeling generous of course you can help her. But we all know it will be just throwing money away. She will be in Thailand or Mongolia with no money or insurance and be requesting a flight back and that's not the worst case scenario. Just say NO!

'I'm sorry but no, that doesn't work for me"
Classic but effective in shutting down most unwanted scenarios.

She would be a bit silly to quit her job without another lined up in this economy, there are lots of people struggling to find work atm.

She ain't no friend.

I'd say a firm no.
Can you also guarantee she would pay the money back?

She’s being a CF.
Are you any good with spreadsheets?
If so, I would TOTALLY misinterpret her request as wanting help with budgeting / consolidating debt etc.
I’d say - Yes, of course. I have a great spreadsheet which I use for budgeting. If you have debts you need to consolidate there’s some fantastic charities, you could even consider Breathing space whilst you organise things.

I’d assume she wants theoretical help, not actual cash.

Im really shocked to read this @winterhaze. Well actually im not, people can be unbelievable. She is not a friend.

Only reason to ask a friend for financial help for me desperate need, about to be made homeless and a small short term loan of a specific amount would resolve it ie started new job and pay day a few weeks away.

I would either ignore her request and if she asks again say "I assumed you were joking I dont have spare cash like that"

Or if you want to reply keep it simple "No, I am not able to give you any financial support" do not apologise or explain why. She hasnt given any explanation or even amount in her request.

I’m sorry for your loss and it is always difficult around anniversaries too.

In terms of what to think about your “friend” …even if she has been a good friend in the past clearly she is now very selfish and only thinking about her own feelings, doesn’t think about how you are which is not a good friend. Most of us would like to quit our jobs for a bit and go travelling but never expect someone else to fund it

It’s so selfish and self-entitled! She’s not even asking for a loan!(Sounds like she’s bad with money so I wouldn’t loan her either). In fact I would never loan money I couldn’t afford to lose and it would have to be an extreme situation like losing job because of ill heath, credit lines exhausted, using food banks, real hardship etc before I even considered it for any friend.

I can’t believe anyone would think it’s ok to ask anyone to bankroll their travels /lifestyle cos they can’t be bothered to work hard(take on a 2nd job etc) and save up if that is there dream.! Some people, including this “friend” have no self-respect or shame! To ask around your husbands anniversary is even worse. This makes me feel angry of your behalf OP. I’m so sorry for your loss but she is trying to take advantage and she’s selfish. This would be the end of the friendship for me.

That’s a hard no from me and sadly she’s not a friend.