Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

I'll say what I always say.

People with no savings have spent every penny that has ever been through their hands - earned or borrowed. This is how she will treat your money. How would she ever break that lifelong relationship with money and have the discipline to keep some back every month to pay you back afterwards?

People like this do not care about money and they don't care about paying it back. It just doesn't bother them.

OP, if you want to give her money every month for a few months then go ahead, it's your decision. However, if you want to lend her some money you'll probably find you can't, as 'lending' requires her participation in paying it back ❤

Lending her money will destroy the friendship. Just say no and leave it at that.

I’d certainly pull them up on such a request on his anniversary.

Then if I actually liked the person and thought their cheek could be explained by their being in a particularly bad place I might (after a few days) ask them exactly what they had in mind so I could tailor my no appropriately.

Absolutely not! please do not lend/ give this woman money. If she wanted to change she would have taken your advice.

You need to tell people you are on the bones of your arse.

It’s absolutely disgusting that these people are trying to get money out of you while you are vulnerable.

You should be booking a holiday for yourself so you have something to look forward to.

She is not a friend. My very best friend is wealthy and I am not. This is also due to particularly tragic circumstances. I would NEVER make such a request of her. I am so sorry for your loss. Do not lend her the money and consider carefully if you want to stay friends.

The answer should always be no. You’re not a bank!

Use “don’t” not “can’t”

”no, I don’t do that”

can’t sounds like you have obstacles to doing it. That then prompts further “why cants you” type dialogue, every reason you give as “can’t” Will be questioned or criticised

“don’t” is a falt out refusal in any circumstances. Closes down the whole thing.

but in essence, I agree…don’t give reasons, don’t discuss, don’t make excuses. All of those will be met with a debate.

I’ve learnt over many years “I don’t do that” is an extraordinarily powerful and assertive statement

This, I absolutely hate voice notes and the self indulgence of them.. it’s basically “here’s my brain dump”… never listen to them!

I'm sorry for your loss. Also appalled by these 'friends'. They are vultures.
Yes, they think that your husband has left you a load of money and clearly they are the very people to spend it on.
There's a simple answer here, 'no'. The slightly longer answer is 'How funny! I was thinking to ask you the same, I'm struggling with needing to pay x or y or z now we don't have Billy's income too.'
Make out that you're just about covering your bills and hopefully they'll leave you alone.

I honestly don’t think a decent friend would ask to have access to money left to you after your husband passed. They may well let you know they needed some, but they’d wait for you to offer. They’d never, ever put you in such an embarrassing and awkward position. Say no, and don’t feel that you have to apologetically try to explain why. That money is your security, not holiday funding for a friend who fancies travelling but hasn’t saved up to do so.

Please reply acknowledging her remembering your husbands anniversary.
then say I won’t be supporting you financially friend. I am not in a position to do so.

please don’t say sorry to her for not doing it though like some posters are saying

The answer is no.

When my father died, I inherited a small amount and one of my so called "friends" at the time kept dropping increasingly more obvious hints about lending her money. She kept telling me how "lucky" I was - my dad had just died!!

Bear in mind this was a woman who was financially irresponsible and would rack up huge credit card bills on designer clothes, holidays abroad, cosmetic procedures and her hair/nails/lashes etc

This went on for months, I ignored the hints until one day she actually came out and asked me for money. She thought I was rolling in it (I wasnt- that money had largely gone on paying off a proportion of my mortgage and the rest saved for my children's future uni fees). I said no, I couldnt and she said it was fine but clearly it wasnt. She got really arsey with me and then proceeded to make digs like "its alright for some" and "must be nice to have money" etc

I havent spoken to her since 2021, cut all contact, and I am so glad. She wasnt a friend and it wasnt until money was involved that I saw her true colours. Unfortunately, money turns some people into vultures and it can be quite shocking if you never saw it before.

And in all your responses ...

Do NOT apologise.

No minimising language that could be read as a way in, a weakness, a vulnerability.

So no 'I'm sorry, but ... I'm afraid ... Unfortunately.'

Love to you today at this very difficult time.

A straight no - never a lender or a borrower be! Grief, why do people think they can have others bankroll them!

Oh my goodness ...please say no to this 'friend' Whatever your financial circumstances this woman should never be asking you for money for 'a few months' . And if she wants it to travel or whatever it doesn't sound as though she will be in a position to pay it back. When my dad died, the house mortgage was paid off by insurance. This didn't make mam'rich' it just secured her home and not one of her many friends would have ever dreamed of asking to cash in on her terrible loss. I'm sorry for your loss op. It doesn't matter how long you've known this woman she is not a real friend. I've heard of people asking others ..can you lend me £50.. I'll pay it back at the end of the month ..and it would be paid back ...but never 'financial support for a few months' This is a chancer trying to cash in on your financial position after you've had a terrible loss and it is disgusting. 💐

My thoughts are a big fat no. But as its the anniversary, and I am so sorry for your loss, please don't make any decisions today.

I think the fact she asked around the anniversary shows how little she cares for you anyway. I think you are a long term friend, turned convenient cash cow. And if I've got her right, I think if you say no, she'll fade away and then you'll see how much you really meant to her.

If you have been left money due to your husband's death that's for you and your future. If you were left money it there to improve your life, possibly work less hours in time or retire early.

I feel that she does not like her job. Why is she not looking for another job that pays more so she can save to go travelling?
I have had friends in horrible jobs or with poor managers and they looked for another job. They stayed put until a better job came up. If they wanted to go travelling they planned, saved hard and went travelling then. Some people asked work could they take a career break for say 3 to 6 months to travel and come back to work then.

You need say no to giving her money. Travelling and then coming back to the UK with no job requires a large lump sum of money and it up to her to save for and fund this.

A few years ago one of my friends came into some money. She gave a friend some cash and bought her on holidays. This came to the region of about £2,500. At the time her friend was going through a particular hard time and needed the brake and the money. Now a few years later the same lady barely talks to my friend and is just to busy to make any effort to meet my friend.

My friend will get a substantial inheritance in time and had planned to bring this friend on a very good holiday then but now this is not happening. She told me if you come into or get money keep quite about it because some people just think you are going to fund there holidays ect.

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss especially on this sad day.
But secondly , how bloody dare she ask you that???
I had a "friend" like that. Had. She finally stretched it way too far and the elastic broke and I shut the door on her. She's not sparing much thought for you in the drama of her own life.

I'm so sorry you lost your husband and hope today you are able to focus on the many ways you loved him.

Your friend is an insensitive, selfish arse, and tbh I wouldn't want to remain friends with her - or with the interior design idiot, either. It's outrageous that they should be asking you for money. This woman fancies some time off and thinks you can pay for it. This isn't someone who's thinking of you today, wondering how you're coping and wondering what she can do to help you. It's someone with pound signs in her eyes when she thinks of you.

I'd be very blunt and say, "My husband died three years ago today. If you think he intended any money he left to go to fund your travelling, you must be insane."

She is not afraid to ask and therefore you should not be afraid to say NO!! (Its a very good and precise word)

I’m so sorry for your loss. I really think you should say no, she shouldn’t be asking you. Tell her it’s invested/tied up if she asks.

I’m so sorry for your loss. She’s out of line, and no is all you need to say

I can relate as I had a close friend who asked me to borrow a fixed amount recently, it was around my monthly take home pay. I sent a polite but clear text response along the lines of sorry you’re struggling but I’m unable to help as things are tight for me. Hope you’re day is not too difficult for you today

If she asks again just tell her, you're my friend not my child and give a good mumsnetty tinkley laugh 💐