Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

Nope, nope, nopity nope. The entitlement and cheeky fuckery of both these so-called friends is breathtaking. You need all YOUR money to look after yourself, as you are on your own. You don't have to explain yourself or give any details of your financial situation to anybody, just say "No, I'd rather not do that, and please don't ask again." If that's not good enough, drop them.

No don’t do it. You won’t get it back and she shouldn’t have asked you for money.
During 2008 financial crisis we were totally broke with constant threatening phone calls, bailiffs etc. I had financially well off friends and wouldn’t have asked them for money. I don’t think they ever knew how bad things were.
She needs to find extra work or ask family for support. It’s not your place as a friend to finance her. TBH I would distance myself a bit after this.

I agree. Her outlandish request doesn’t deserve any form of apology at all. She should be the one apologising for being a cunt.

Maybe not, but quite frankly, I wouldn't be keeping this 'friend', so wouldn't care if she knew I wasn't without two pennies to rub together before cutting her loose. Most people have at least a little saved, so it's hardly suggesting you're rolling in cash to admit you've tucked some of it away. It sounds like the friend knows OP has a little money to even ask if she can support her.

If she wants to quit her job and travel for a few months then she needs to save up for it. No reasonable person would expect a friend to fund that.

That's outrageous for her to ask you that. Please dont even consider it, just tell her no.

I don't think it's a good idea to bring up savings

I too am sorry for your loss.

There's nothing in your post that suggests you'd like to help your friend financially, and you're under no obligation. It's nice to help your friends if you genuinely want to, but if you don't then no one's making you.

The dilemma then is how to say no without affecting the friendship. This depends at least 50% on your friend. It's ok to ask a friend for help but only if it's ok if you don't get it. Your friend didn't help herself by not giving you specifics.

Absolutely not. And I wouldn’t feel bad about refusing.

Take your time and don't respond until you're ready to—if at all. If I understand correctly, she has a habit of disappearing for a while or ignoring messages she doesn't have a good reply for. You can do the same, especially on such a difficult anniversary.

When the time comes, I think I'd be a bit blunt. Tell her that you don't have the financial security required to be supporting anyone but yourself. You're still recovering from the loss of your husband, and losing him didn't magically make you wealthy. I'd also mention that, if anything, you need to save harder than you might have expected to need to do before his death, because he won't be there to help support you in the future.

One more thing. Just because someone has been a friend for a long time doesn't mean they have to be a friend forever. If she's changed, or you've changed, or you're seeing another side of her that doesn't fit into your life, you're allowed to cut back or even cut off. It sounds like she's a drain on you emotionally, already, and now she's hoping to become a drain on your finances. I wouldn't have much patience for her, at this point. You can still keep in touch, but maybe it's time to fade out of one another's lives a bit. Not all friends are worth keeping that close.

"A friend that I have known for 22 years ..."
That puts her in the category of 'old friend'. That doesn't mean she is a 'good friend' or even a 'current friend'. She is someone you were friends with a long time ago, and are still in touch with.

"I respect that she's been there for me over the years ..."
Uh-huh ...
But, she "was often complaining about the state of her life" when "I was going through in the early days of grief".

I can't be the only one starting to sing Janet Jackson's What have you done for me lately? in the back of my head, can I?

You feel beholden to this woman because you have known her a long time, and in the early days she was an actual friend. But that was then, and this is now. I'd wonder when she moved from friend to acquaintance - I suspect quite some years ago, these things tend to happen without us really noticing, don't they? And she hasn't been there for you at all since the passing of your husband has she? She's an acquaintance, not a friend.

Don't feel you owe this acquaintance anything - and by 'anything' I'm including continued acquaintanceship and caring about how she takes a 'no'. She is insensitive at best, but I'm inclined to think selfish and self-absorbed is closer to the mark. Expecting an acquaintance to fund her desired lifestyle is just beyond the pale.

Also sorry for your loss

I wouldn’t even ask my parents to financially support me for a few months never mind a friend.

personally OP, she sounds draining, you have lost your DH I would distance myself from this ‘friend’ personally x

I would be suggesting to my friend of 20 years, why don't we go on holiday somewhere together ?

Would you be interested in suggesting that instead ?

I think the OP will lose the friendship either way.

If she does hand over money she is unlikely to see any of it again and it could be difficult watching her “D”F enjoy spending her money.

If the OP doesn’t hand over any money then she will always know that her “D”F tried to exploit her whilst she was grieving.

Sadly it looks like the end of the relationship but the OP does have the choice of ending the relationship and keeping her money.

Sometimes OP people can real who they are at the most unexpected of moments. As they always say on MN, she’s shown you who she is, believe her.

OP: You ‘don’t know what to say…’?

Let me help. The correct response is ‘No!’ 😀

If you want to give her some money, then do so, but never lend it. Whatever you give her you will not be getting back. The fact that she wants it for nothing in particular that will help her situation is a massive red flag. The other issue is that if you give her some money, she will very likely ask you for more, it might even become a problem.

Money can drastically change the dynamics of a relationship. If I was to help out a friend I would want it to be for something specific, like a car to get to work. I wouldn't expect to get it back, and I would make it clear that it's a one-off.

This 100%

Hear hear! 👏👏

You will lose the money and the friend
dont don’t do it

Say No.

But your friend must be in a bad way even to think it’s a reasonable request.

As they say on MN - ''No'' is a complete sentence.

What a cheek. Absolutely unreal. Tell her no.
Tell her nothing else except no. No explanation necessary.
If she asks for one tell her it's none of her business why you are saying no, it's not her money to inquire about.
She's a total CF. 22 yrs? Sounds like you've endured her for the last few at least.
Don't try to make sense of her logic.
Nice that these people are showing you what they are, don't ignore what they are showing you. Phase them out of your life unless you really think you're getting something out of these relationships that's worthwhile for you.

Stop! Not all women are incapable of rational thought during the menopause, never mind ante and post.
We syndromise (?) too much as it is, and end up appearing on paper as one long list of ineluctable pathologies which rule our reason!

This woman spotted an exploitable opportunity in OP’s loss, and leapt at it. Unless she was blind drunk when the approach was made, not a lot excuses it.

Never ever ever lend money to friends or family unless you want to loose it and the friendship too. Yanbu. No no no!!! Also I'll distance myself from this insensitive friend.