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Original poster

Difficult in laws

67 replies

Mama030511 · 20/12/2025 06:43

So long story short my in laws make little to no effort too see my daughter (she’s 14 months old) they only live a ten minute drive away. They have visited us at our house only a few times since she has been born. We usually go to them despite my partner telling them it would be much easier if they came to us as there house isn’t baby proved and they have no toys. They also refuse to turn the heating on in the winter and wear coats in doors. So in the winter months it’s safe to say we haven’t visited them. Today we had arranged that they come to our house, just for an hour or so as it would be nice to see them as we haven’t at all this December so far. Me and my partner both work till 4pm, we told them 4:30/ 5ish works best for us. Before I left for work this morning I cleaned the house and made and prepped some Christmassy nibbles for us to have (while running round after my daughter) we also crafted some handmade Christmas cards for them. At 3pm I get a text from my partner… they are no longer coming. They had said they didn’t want to come at 5pm as this is when they watch the chase and eat dinner and that they will be round at 6:30, my partner explained this would be no good as it’s when our child has a bath and goes to bed. But nope they weren’t willing to be flexible in the slightest and even suggest we just keep her up. He suggested they just eat tea later, but apparently this wasn’t something they were willing to do so they didn’t come, and we are apparently being the difficult ones.
They are expecting us to go to them on Christmas Day (we went to my family last year) and things like this just leave a sour taste in my mouth. Why should we have to spend Christmas Day with grandparents who don’t care or bother the rest of the year, when my own parents would literally move the moon for their grandchild and do so much for us. Anyways rant over.

OP posts:
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Howwilliknow122 · 22/12/2025 16:58

Alpinette · 20/12/2025 08:10

Preferring the Chase to Granfchildren is obviously poor behaviour. But some parent’s inflexibility around bedtime is also tiresome. Your child isn’t going to turn into a drug addict cause they go to bed 30 mins later than usual.

I don't see why the child should change their routine to suit two lazy grandparents! They may not turn into drug addicts as you put it but being over tired aint nice for them either. Be thoughtful to those two parents that have also been working all day as well, wouldn't kill them!!

Hopingtobeaparent · 22/12/2025 16:50

Dontyoulooktired · 20/12/2025 07:23

Oh, fuck them.

I couldn’t imagine a world where watching the chase was more important than getting to spend time with my son and grandchild (and my DIL too!), what a pair of miserable, ungrateful tossers.

Leave them be in thier cold, miserable little world with thier crappy game shows.

@Mama030511

This. I’ve not read your updates yet, sorry, but this.

Have a lovely time at home with ones you love. Leave them to it. They are who/how they are, minimal contact with IL’s moving forward.

Hopingtobeaparent · 22/12/2025 16:47

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 20/12/2025 07:08

Go get the Radio Times, circle all the kids tv, and say “So not sorry… scarecrows weddings on at 3.. can’t make it now” 😉

😂

Rednotdead · 22/12/2025 14:02

Is your partner especially keen to see his parents? If not, stay at home.

Magicunicornpower · 22/12/2025 12:07

My IL always claims time with my D and when they have her they sit her on the sofa the whole afternoon doing nothing... My FIL doesn't even show up when MIL comes around. At this point I wish they where like yours as my D just gets bored when with them. Making memories they say... But they can't even take her out for an icecream, or any Christmas events during this season. You know how they are... Just don't bother!

bigboykitty · 21/12/2025 23:43

mondaytosunday · 20/12/2025 12:41

I don’t really see the connection between them not visiting often and you going over for Christmas. Thenm hosting you is not a reward for how attentive they’ve been! . But I’d be less inclined to go if the heatings not on! Have you been there before for Christmas? What does your partner say?

It's the entitlement. We hardly see you but we do expect to be your priority on Christmas Day. Very entitled

Laurmolonlabe · 21/12/2025 23:40

Just come up with something you want to do at your own house on Christmas day, when they say move it- point they didn't. Why should you be flexible when they are not willing to be even a tiny bit flexible?

BusyMum47 · 21/12/2025 22:46

Just don't go. End of.

Sounds like they'll be no great loss if they sulk about it & you fall out.

TwinklySquid · 21/12/2025 21:46

They already think you’re difficult so why worry what they think of you . Do your own thing on Xmas.

Sugargliderwombat · 21/12/2025 21:11

This is just a tale as old as time. Can't be bothered but want the magic day. Sod that.

Pessismistic · 21/12/2025 20:16

Hi op I would say this year do Christmas at there house then going forward you only have them at your house so your dd can play with presents especially as she gets older. Op they are being very selfish and unfortunately some grandparents just aren’t arsed about gc I had them. Op if they can’t be bothered to visit and fit in with your routine just leave them to it. Say to dh you should not be expected to always fit in with them. But this does give you the opportunity to change the future Christmas’s.

croydon15 · 21/12/2025 20:08

Anyone who doesn't have the heating on doesn't get any visits from me. Not negotiable.

Evaka · 21/12/2025 20:01

Gobshites. God that sounds like a miserable existence.

liamharha · 21/12/2025 19:59

liamharha · 21/12/2025 19:58

My in-laws are like this we are them on girls birthdays Easter and Xmas foe 30 mins each visit .
We have seen them shopping in our local area on numerous occasions and they sit call in.
My partner got a text down his 40th birthday 🙈.
One day a year MIL whinges for everyone to make a effort and gather at her house we stopped going out of our way to attend as we give the same energy back as we receive .

Show quote history

*the dont call in whilst shopping in local area

liamharha · 21/12/2025 19:58

Mama030511 · 20/12/2025 06:43

So long story short my in laws make little to no effort too see my daughter (she’s 14 months old) they only live a ten minute drive away. They have visited us at our house only a few times since she has been born. We usually go to them despite my partner telling them it would be much easier if they came to us as there house isn’t baby proved and they have no toys. They also refuse to turn the heating on in the winter and wear coats in doors. So in the winter months it’s safe to say we haven’t visited them. Today we had arranged that they come to our house, just for an hour or so as it would be nice to see them as we haven’t at all this December so far. Me and my partner both work till 4pm, we told them 4:30/ 5ish works best for us. Before I left for work this morning I cleaned the house and made and prepped some Christmassy nibbles for us to have (while running round after my daughter) we also crafted some handmade Christmas cards for them. At 3pm I get a text from my partner… they are no longer coming. They had said they didn’t want to come at 5pm as this is when they watch the chase and eat dinner and that they will be round at 6:30, my partner explained this would be no good as it’s when our child has a bath and goes to bed. But nope they weren’t willing to be flexible in the slightest and even suggest we just keep her up. He suggested they just eat tea later, but apparently this wasn’t something they were willing to do so they didn’t come, and we are apparently being the difficult ones.
They are expecting us to go to them on Christmas Day (we went to my family last year) and things like this just leave a sour taste in my mouth. Why should we have to spend Christmas Day with grandparents who don’t care or bother the rest of the year, when my own parents would literally move the moon for their grandchild and do so much for us. Anyways rant over.

My in-laws are like this we are them on girls birthdays Easter and Xmas foe 30 mins each visit .
We have seen them shopping in our local area on numerous occasions and they sit call in.
My partner got a text down his 40th birthday 🙈.
One day a year MIL whinges for everyone to make a effort and gather at her house we stopped going out of our way to attend as we give the same energy back as we receive .

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 21/12/2025 19:48

Spending time with your dc is more important to you than them. So let them reap what they sow and stay home.
List a load of films the dc want to watch at home.
Their needs and wants take priority..
Leave them to Bradley.

Ladymeade · 21/12/2025 19:43

lifeisgoodrightnow · 20/12/2025 08:06

Absolutely love this. Well said x

Show quote history

Hear hear!

Lunde · 21/12/2025 18:19

Alpinette · 20/12/2025 08:10

Preferring the Chase to Granfchildren is obviously poor behaviour. But some parent’s inflexibility around bedtime is also tiresome. Your child isn’t going to turn into a drug addict cause they go to bed 30 mins later than usual.

Not all children are flexible about bedtimes. I have had one of each dd1 - no problem at all to delay an hour whereas dd2 would on the few occasions we attempted it just fall asleep - including once memorably face first into her dinner! ... it's no fun trying to removed mashed potato from the hair of a very grumpy/sleepy toddler

August1980 · 21/12/2025 18:09

maje alternative arrangements for Christmas. I doubt they will be fussed if they see you/grandchild. Just go to your parents or stay home.

just a side note: I still to my 11 month old schedule. If people want to see her/us and I offer a time and they counter with something rude. I usually say sure. I stick with her routine and when they turn just turn it into an adult catch up. If they ask to see her I just casually say oh she is asleep hence I suggested xx

Rosealea · 21/12/2025 18:04

Maybe there was something else that they don't want to admit to like being unsure of driving in the dark which is common when people get a little bit older.

You all need to improve your communication skills and stop being so passive aggressive.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 21/12/2025 18:02

na I wouldn’t go there fuck that

why is Christmas such a chore and like some
duty to visit certain people

jus do what you want / have your own Christmas at home

Blablibladirladada · 21/12/2025 17:58

Honestly I suspect that in-laws are most always the parents of the hubby and that you naturally get on with your mom so of course, she gets you and oh isn’t it nice to feel like that when your hormones are all over the place and you “just” birthed a baby… but just go to your in-laws…for not long. Job done. Next year your turn!

Original poster
Mama030511 · 20/12/2025 20:17

Katrinawaves · 20/12/2025 08:04

Age and financial status are both important missing bits of information here I think.

I have older relatives who eat early because they struggle with digestion if they eat too close to bed. So they wouldn’t consider eating at 7.30/8pm ish even though that’s my normal time to eat dinner and eat their main meal around 5pm.

Not wanting to drive over regularly and not putting the heat on in winter could be due to financial constraints. As could the meal times if for example they can’t afford to eat lunch they could be starving by 5pm

You have also been pretty inflexible to be fair. I’ve had 3 kids who all ordinarily had their baths and beds at the same time as yours but as a one-off on a Saturday to see their grandparents I wouldn’t have been in the slightest bit bothered about pushing bath time back to 7.30 or even bathing them before the grandparents arrived and popping them into bed half an hour after they got to me.

They are retried in good health in the their 60’s with no financial constraints whatsoever.

My lack of flexibility in regards to time is because of my daughter’s routine and the fact we have worked all day. They on other hand have no other obligations or responsibilities.

OP posts:
LiteraryBambi · 20/12/2025 13:17

Just offer to give them dinner, or order something. To be honest, aillI would assume an evening visit would include dinner anyway.

hyggetyggedotorg · 20/12/2025 13:01

If you do go on Christmas Day, make sure you arrive & leave at times to suit yourselves & your DD. Normally, I’d say it was rude to do that but not in your situation!

The Chase isn’t even that good!