Lodgers struggling boyfriend staying over

Definite no. Just say no overnight guests allowed. And that you're not comfortable with any of her guests being drunk in the house.

Say no, unless you want two lodgers for the price of one. And I might say the visiting can only be occasionally not a regular thing, or you will find him there all hours of the day even if technically he doesn't stay over.

I would say a firm no.
I have had lodgers for 10 years and have always allowed guests but my lodgers have never put me in this situation, they have only ever brought home people who we would be happy to have in the house.
If she wants to hang out with walking red flags that’s up to her but then she will need to find accommodation that is more appropriate to high risk living. A room in someone else’s house is not.

Because children could be at risk living with strangers or people you don’t know well? Some things are more important than money!

I assume you need the income or you wouldn’t have taken on a lodger.
If she has been with you for a while and everything else is mostly ok then tell her that this man is not welcome in your home. If he’s drunk enough to stumble he could cause damage to your home, even if you keep your baby well away from him.
It is probably safest to ask her to leave. How do you know she will not let him in when you are not home? She might not feel she can refuse.
It’s not that I don’t feel sympathy for your lodger, but there must have been a reason that her own family decided she couldn’t remain in their home.

Because knowing who is in the house with your baby is worth more than 7.5k tax free income to most people, surely.

Crazy? It’s a 7.5k tax free decent income for a young family and I don’t know why more people don’t consider it

Drunk stranger stumbling around your house? Just no, blanket no to overnight guests.

Nope. She’s a lodger, not a housemate, suggest she stays at his. Or better yet, rent their own flat.

Having been in situation it’s a hard no YANBU
we had our young lodger for 18 months and it went well for the first 12. Things started to go downhill once she started to act like a family member. A lodger is not a housemate, very different to a flat share. Tell her you have thought it over and decided you want to stick to the definition of lodger - no houseguests day or night whatever. This is your home and they can get a hotel room for the night if they choose. Alternatively she can search for a flatshare arrangement that might have more flexibility. Try not to feel motherly towards her because she is young. Stick to your boundaries and you can both have a respectful cohabiting experience.

Just say no. Not with the baby here and no DBS check. Although why you’ve got a lodger when you have a baby is crazy to me.

It's perfectly reasonable to have ground rules with a lodger. Just say no overnights, or that he can't visit at all. You could just say you've decided it's no to any visitors. You can get a draft lodgers agreement from Spare Room in which you can stipulate no visitors, which she can sign if you want to make it formal. This man could have a criminal record for all you know. What if he comes when you're out and rifles through your belongings? Better to be firm now and maintain a civil relationship with her.

You have to prioritise the safety of your baby. I would be honest with your lodger that you feel worried about the state he is in, and she will have to meet him elsewhere going forward. She is too young to fully comprehend the danger she is putting everyone in.

What does your lodger agreement say about overnight guests? A typical clause might say words to the effect of “Lodger to give 24 hours notice of any overnight guests and landlord has the right to refuse at their discretion”

Absolutely not.
Theres no way id want him in tbe house never mind stopping over

No to staying over. When my children were young I wouldn’t have wanted another man in my home. I didn’t even allow my babysitter to bring her boyfriend.

Definitely no to staying over, but you need to have a conversation with her as to what and what isn’t allowed. If you say yes to occasional stay overs before you know it, he may want to move in permanently.

As others have said, her judgement clearly isn’t what it should be. Do you know her well? Generally speaking, having lodgers living with babies or older kids isn’t a god idea.

I would give her notice but presumably you need help paying your mortgage and I wonder if this is skewing your own judgment regarding you thinking of limiting his stays, when to be really blunt about it someone like him shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near your child.

You're being too nice. Firstly, him staying overnight is a huge safeguarding risk for your baby unless you're planning to stay awake all night to watch over the baby.

Secondly, it is perfectly reasonable for you to say he cannot now come round at all because he appears to be an alcoholic. You are doing the lodger no favours by accepting this as normal. If you want to help her, gently explain that this does not look like a healthy relationship and encourage her to set healthy boundaries for herself.

100% no.
You don't know anything about this man. Your gut instinct is that somethings not right. You have a vulnerable young child in your midst, I honestly wouldn't have him anywhere in the vicinity of your house.

I agree 👆

This needs to be a limit of zero, no other limit will work.

I hope you aren't planning on going away on holiday.

Was going to say something similar to @Coatsoff42 - this teenager might be hoping you’ll say she’s not allowed to bring him inside anymore

OP says 10 years older than them not 10 years older than the lodger
No need to be rude

Your only priority here is to safeguard your child, yourself and your husband.

Allowing an unknown man into your home fails on all of those counts. This would be the case even if he behaved normally.

The fact that he has been drunk and incapable in your home and around your baby tells you everything you need to know. Be an adult. Tell your lodger he is not to come into your home again ever and that if he does she will have to leave.

If your relationship with your lodger is good enough you can also tell her that hooking up with a drunk twice her age will end in tears. But she probably will not listen.