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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH’s friend asked him for money

86 replies

Ruggyleaf · 19/12/2025 23:58

Help me settle a debate here…

DH has a friend from uni who never made it out in the real world. He’s not THAT close to DH but they keep in touch because they have fun ‘guy’ conversations online. Anyway. Long story short, this friend lost his job recently and asked DH for £30. He said he’ll pay him back 22nd of the month (think he has some temporary job now). My DH didn’t question this at all and sent the money straight away. He told me about this when he came back from work and I was annoyed because:

  • He didn’t ask why he needed the money
  • Dh’s money is my money. We should discuss such situations before actioning. I am on mat leave atm and every penny counts. I can do A LOT with £30 rn.
DH thinks it’s not a big amount if he doesn’t pay him back and he feels sorry for him for losing his job but this guy has a drinking history etc so I would have at least questioned why he needed the money!! Plus he is not a close friend!!

I also find it so bizarre to ask for £30. Who doesn’t have £30 in their bank account?? THOUGHTS!? AIBU for giving DH a hard time about it or not? 😂

bet another £30 he won’t pay him back 😜

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 20/12/2025 00:43

I’d lend a friend £30 no issue. It would not occur to me to mention it to my partner. Anything over £100 I would though.

Diarygirlqueen · 20/12/2025 00:41

I would be viewing my husband differently if he reacted like you if I lent my friend £30.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 20/12/2025 00:33

Don't think he needed to ask you permission on this but if you aren't managing then yes I would be annoyed

horseplay12 · 20/12/2025 00:33

For £30?? Crikey - controlling over money much?

I really wouldn’t ever ask DH for ‘permission’ to lend a friend £30

ReturnToRiding · 20/12/2025 00:31

I’d lend my friend £30 in a heartbeat. Unless you also don’t have £30. I wouldn’t be asking permission from my spouse. It’s £30. £3000 and it would be totally different.

RosesAndHellebores · 20/12/2025 00:28

I read the thread title and thought this was going to be four figures. It's £30. Ì can't see the issue and I don't accept your dh should have consulted you for £30.

LonelyPotato · 20/12/2025 00:18

Crazyclover · 20/12/2025 00:11

A lot of people don’t have £30 in their bank account …..

This

sundaysurfing · 20/12/2025 00:17

I think, if your DH wants to help his friend and lend or even give his friend £30, that’s up to him. If it was £300, it would be understandable that you would want to be consulted, if you can’t afford it.
if one of your friends needed help and came to you, I’m sure you’d want to help them and lend them £30 without having to ask your DH permission. If you posted that on here, I’m sure many posters would say you were being controlled by him.
I wouldn’t mention it again and would considerate it a charity donation. For grown man to ask another man for 30 quid, times must be hard for him. Maybe he needs some compassion, maybe he needed some coke, but you’ll never know.

Crazyclover · 20/12/2025 00:11

A lot of people don’t have £30 in their bank account …..

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 20/12/2025 00:07

It’s only £30, fair enough if it’s an ongoing problem but I wouldn’t mind as a one off

onwards2025 · 20/12/2025 00:05

I think you're allowed to question it and raise your reasons for why it may not be for the best and avoid it becoming a regular occurrence, but as a one off and at £30 it's not what I would expect to have to ask permission to give someone of my choosing, as either a loan or a gift