Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s friend asked him for money

86 replies

Ruggyleaf · 19/12/2025 23:58

Help me settle a debate here…

DH has a friend from uni who never made it out in the real world. He’s not THAT close to DH but they keep in touch because they have fun ‘guy’ conversations online. Anyway. Long story short, this friend lost his job recently and asked DH for £30. He said he’ll pay him back 22nd of the month (think he has some temporary job now). My DH didn’t question this at all and sent the money straight away. He told me about this when he came back from work and I was annoyed because:

  • He didn’t ask why he needed the money
  • Dh’s money is my money. We should discuss such situations before actioning. I am on mat leave atm and every penny counts. I can do A LOT with £30 rn.
DH thinks it’s not a big amount if he doesn’t pay him back and he feels sorry for him for losing his job but this guy has a drinking history etc so I would have at least questioned why he needed the money!! Plus he is not a close friend!!

I also find it so bizarre to ask for £30. Who doesn’t have £30 in their bank account?? THOUGHTS!? AIBU for giving DH a hard time about it or not? 😂

bet another £30 he won’t pay him back 😜

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
CrotchetyQuaver · 06/01/2026 12:19

for £30 I think this is a bit too much from you, for £300 or more you wouldn't have been unreasonable. Assuming he pays it back on the 22nd as he's said he will...

if you'd been unemployed you'd understand how tough it is, my DH was unemployed for over a year, it was a really difficult time. Without help from my parents to keep up with the mortgage and a friend who had chickens and was very generous about giving us as many eggs as we wanted, it would have been very different, we were too proud to ask about help from the food bank which I realise with hindsight was us being silly. I learnt a lot from that period, including humility and greater compassion for others. It takes months to recover from as you have no choice but to run everything down to nothing, no savings, no stock of food in the cupboards/freezer...

kiwiane · 06/01/2026 12:06

It’s up to your husband as he should be free to spend £30 however he likes.
I reckon this friend is in serious trouble; it’s possible he may return the money then ask for a larger amount.

harlemshake · 06/01/2026 12:02

if my wife controlled what i did with 30 quid, i would lose my mind the next minute and never want to be with anyone again

ladyamy · 23/12/2025 13:43

When I saw the thread title I thought it was hundreds or even thousands! Cut your losses on the 30 quid, I think.

WelshRabBite · 23/12/2025 13:26

@RuggyleafI’m curious OP, the friend was going to pay your DH back on the 22nd Dec, did he?

Moveoverdarlin · 21/12/2025 10:16

Let it go. Your DH helped a mate out. It’s fine. Don’t interfere. If he never gets it back, he’ll learn a lesson.

If it was 3 grand you have a point. But thirty quid?

Minnie798 · 21/12/2025 10:13

I wouldn't ask a friend why they wanted the £30.
My dp wouldn't bother mentioning he'd sent a friend £30. I wouldn't either.
It would be different if it was larger amounts.

Winterwonderwhy · 21/12/2025 10:02

He didn’t question it or run it by you because it’s £30. I would really be upset if dh drilled me over lending a friend £30. This guy didn’t ask him for 4 figures!

SpaceRaccoon · 21/12/2025 10:00

There are few people I wouldn't just give 30 quid to if they asked.

Pedallleur · 21/12/2025 09:58

It's 30 this time and a one off. Now what happens if/when the amounts increase and it becomes a regular payment

Binus · 21/12/2025 09:35

RedToothBrush · 20/12/2025 09:07

The key here is he's not that friendly with your DH. That means he's asked everyone else he knows better first. They've either said a flat no or got fed up of him constantly asking or not been repaid so he's working his way down the list.

This is reason enough to be wary.

Don't expect the £30 back. Never lend what you can't afford to lose.

Yes, that's what would worry me.

Justchilling07 · 21/12/2025 03:37

Bunnyotter1896 · 20/12/2025 08:47

If your dh works surely he has the authority to spend 30 quid anyway he wants. If we were struggling i would have an issue but if all our bills were paid i would consider £30 helping out a friend who had lost their job at Christmas money well spent. I would be 100% ok with it. It might be your dh who needs 30 one day and how horrible would it be if his friends didnt help. 300 i would expect a conversation but 30 no yabu

Exactly.

Justchilling07 · 21/12/2025 03:36

Bjorkdidit · 20/12/2025 06:38

Surprised how this thread has gone. Normally MN sees through this sort of person.

If he pays DH back on the 22nd, all good.

However, a lot more likely will be that he won't get the money back but at least it's only £30. When people get to the stage of asking to 'borrow' money from distant friends it's almost always because they'd rinsed through all their families and close friends goodwill, after repeatedly failing to pay money back.

A few years ago DP was contacted by a mutual friend with a sob story about being unable to buy food and nappies for her disabled DS. He sent her about £100 which she assured him she'd pay back when her benefits came in.

WIthin a few hours, she was sending him screenshots of her bank account which was deep into an overdraft, asking for more money, because obviously the £100 had only gone into the black hole of her overdraft, which the bank had then taken as repayment, not to allow her to spend.

Unfortunately it also showed a £100+ Sky bill, a £60 pm phone contract and a payment at a beauty salon. So clearly she had made no attempt to live within her means or prioritise like an adult so had effectively spent her food money on luxuries and then tried to guilt people into paying for her essentials. DP wouldn't send her any more money but did offer advice on how to talk to the bank - obviously something needed to be done to avoid them trying to take the overdraft back in one hit. Later on it seemed she had also been in touch with several other distant friends asking for money. This sounds like a similar case, my guess is that he wanted to go out boozing on Mad Friday.

Edited

”see’s through this sort of person”!!
Wow, sob stories!!! So that happened to your DP, so therefore every situation, regarding someone asking for a loan, is the same! It couldn’t possibly be genuine, it must be for a boozy mad night out!!!
You sound like a lovely friend!😬

ohdearmemummy · 20/12/2025 09:26

DH Sounds kind, you sound judgey.

RedToothBrush · 20/12/2025 09:07

The key here is he's not that friendly with your DH. That means he's asked everyone else he knows better first. They've either said a flat no or got fed up of him constantly asking or not been repaid so he's working his way down the list.

This is reason enough to be wary.

Don't expect the £30 back. Never lend what you can't afford to lose.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/12/2025 09:07

Id be wondering if this is a ‘tester’ amount of money to see if your dh gives it and then next time he’ll ask for £50 and the next time £100 etc.

I am quite cynical though 🙈😂

IAmKerplunk · 20/12/2025 08:53

Woventwigs888 · 20/12/2025 08:24

I think it’s fine but treated as a one off Christmas gift.

And I’d be priming your dh to say something along those lines to the friend if he asks again, which he probably will.

“Sorry mate I never lend money to the same person twice. Last time was a Christmas present.”

I think that’s a really good response. See it as a gift.

Bunnyotter1896 · 20/12/2025 08:47

If your dh works surely he has the authority to spend 30 quid anyway he wants. If we were struggling i would have an issue but if all our bills were paid i would consider £30 helping out a friend who had lost their job at Christmas money well spent. I would be 100% ok with it. It might be your dh who needs 30 one day and how horrible would it be if his friends didnt help. 300 i would expect a conversation but 30 no yabu

Blizzardofleaves · 20/12/2025 08:40

£30 on the face of it is not a concern, what is a concern is a slippery slope to higher amounts. Your dh needs to make it clear he won’t be sending anymore.

Woventwigs888 · 20/12/2025 08:24

I think it’s fine but treated as a one off Christmas gift.

And I’d be priming your dh to say something along those lines to the friend if he asks again, which he probably will.

“Sorry mate I never lend money to the same person twice. Last time was a Christmas present.”

GAJLY · 20/12/2025 08:22

I'd say it's okay as a one off but not to do it anymore. If he's struggling, ask him what he needs. I'd rather drop off basic food to help out than send money on a regular basis.

jajajajajaja · 20/12/2025 08:22

My husband doesn’t need my permission to lend someone £30 (!?). It’s not that much money. You’re being controlling.

ExtraOnions · 20/12/2025 08:17

“scrutiny”? Ask for receipts so you can check exactly what it’s gone on, if he has spent it on things that don’t make you list of “acceptable things that friends who borrow money can spend the cash on” - send him a formal letter of reproach.

H202too · 20/12/2025 08:16

FrodoBiggins · 20/12/2025 01:12

Find it a bit odd that you are shocked he needs £30 (suggesting you think everyone should have a reasonable cushion in savings) but also you personally see £30 as a large amount you can't afford to be without for a week and should be consulted over.

Agree very contrary. It's like you want to be annoyed.

Iocanepowder · 20/12/2025 08:12

I would leave my DH if he had a go at me for spending £30.

Yes as we are married everything is one pot but we are still adults who are allowed to spend on other things we choose to.

But I do agree he should have given more consideration as to whether it was the right thing to do to lend money to this specific friend.

Swipe left for the next trending thread