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AIBU?

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Original poster

Arranged for a nanny to help me with bedtime today and she just didn't turn up!

107 replies

Nightnanny0019 · 19/12/2025 20:54

I'm absolutely frazzled. Toddler and a baby, both going through sleep regressions. The toddler is suspected SEN. For a week none of us have been getting much sleep. I'm a single parent and this past week I've been needing to stay with the toddler while getting her ready for bed. This has taken anywhere from 2hours to 5.5hours and lots crying and distress.

I found a nanny is a local FB group I'm in. She checked out. Experienced, DBS, qualifications etc. We exchanged numerous messages over the course of the last 24hrs. She even messaged to confirm that I'd see her at 6pm tonight.

6pm came and she didn't. I messaged at 6.15 checking if she was lost but no answer. 6.35 I messaged again asking if she eas coming and again no answer. Then 6.45 I asked her not to come if she wasn't able to get here before 7, only because it would may disrupt my toddler so close to the time I was trying to get into her cot.

I've still not heard from her. She has my address. Knows I live alone with 2 young kids. Should I be worried or am I too frazzled to be thinking straight?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 19/12/2025 22:20

I would be worried that something had happened to the nanny.

But I've been in a situation where someone didn't show and we were all a bit annoyed and it turned out she'd been killed in a car accident on way over so that's where my mind goes.

Hopefully, she'll get back to you tomorrow to at least put your mind at rest. Best case scenario she's just unreliable.

Calendulaaria · 19/12/2025 22:18

I slept with my children in my bed for years. It saved us all so much grief.

drspouse · 19/12/2025 22:06

I've had a nanny ghost us, she'd been once and then didn't turn up the second time! Just unprofessional - why not just give an excuse.
I would suggest trying a sling for the baby and containment of some sort for the toddler (baby gate if they won't stay in a cot) so you don't need to chase the toddler around the house. If you are just sitting there with the baby not saying anything then it might get boring enough for the toddler to go to sleep.

Eyeshadow · 19/12/2025 22:05

Please look up home start or bumble.

Sleep deprivation is awful!

MockingbirdAdventure · 19/12/2025 22:03

IdaGlossop · 19/12/2025 22:01

In OP's circumstances, I'd co-sleep. Any port in a storm. Decent sleep makes all the difference in the world.

Show quote history

Me too, I co-slept as a single parent with no harm done.

IdaGlossop · 19/12/2025 22:01

ForLoveNotMoney · 19/12/2025 21:00

I’ll be shot saying this but co sleeping is your friend here. Saved me in the depths of what you are currently going though

In OP's circumstances, I'd co-sleep. Any port in a storm. Decent sleep makes all the difference in the world.

Original poster
Nightnanny0019 · 19/12/2025 21:59

Genevie82 · 19/12/2025 21:55

This!

Show quote history

Last night was an absolute nightmare. I cannot tell you how desperate I was. I do have a nanny I've used for 4 months (and known for 11 years!) but she's away for Christmas.

Thanks for all the responses.

OP posts:
CandyCaneKisses · 19/12/2025 21:58

It’s Friday before Christmas..
Shes probably out living her life and thought it wasn’t worth it.

JaneyDC · 19/12/2025 21:58

Co sleep.

My daughter slept in the next to me until she was 7 months. She had a very hard time transitioning to the cot after that. Lots of never ending crying and wake ups. We ended up moving the cot into our room and taking the side off the cot before attaching it to our bed! She still wasn't a fan of the cot, so now she's in our bed with a guard rail. Next step, is a floor mattress in her own room..

MockingbirdAdventure · 19/12/2025 21:58

I’d be a bit worried. Do you have a copy of her enhanced DBS with the DBS number and have you checked it on the update service? Otherwise I would be worried that something has happened to her and report it on 101 as a welfare check.

Original poster
Nightnanny0019 · 19/12/2025 21:56

She wouldn't sleep if we coslept. I've tried! I'm currently mostly cosleeping with the 10 month old but he's still up every couple of hours!

Here was her last message to me:
No worries, I understand how busy it all gets. Yes perfect, I'll see you at 6pm 😊.

Of course, I'm happy to help, thank you for asking me to do so!.

Same here I look forward to meeting you, and giving you a more relaxed evening. ☺️

I hope nothing has happened to her!

OP posts:
Genevie82 · 19/12/2025 21:55

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/12/2025 21:08

If you REALLY don't know anyone already in your friends and family circle and need to employ strangers, then actually I wouldn't want a stranger coming to my house having only been speaking to them online for 24 hours. Not that I think she's a threat, I think she was just unreliable and unprofessional.

I think for your own peace of mind, you need to ask a paid nanny or babysitter to come while you're there the first time, during the day. Go and have a bath while they're there, do all your ironing, do some work, make some calls, go to the local shops, watch a film etc. You need to build a relationship with them to be comfortable with them helping you at night time.

This!

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 19/12/2025 21:52

Well I would usually assume flaky. But last time I was "let down" by someone in this way they had actually had a terrible accident so I now give the benefit of the doubt.

SandyY2K · 19/12/2025 21:50

I honestly can't imagine hiring a nanny from Facebook. It just wouldn't feel safe to me.

I'd suggest going through a nanny agency next time.

Eyeshadow · 19/12/2025 21:44

As a single parent I also co-slept.

I had a mattress on the floor (no bed available), baby gate on the door, covered all of the plug sockets and had safe toys.
Apart from a cot there was nothing else in the room so it was completely baby proofed.

I would put my DD to sleep in her cot then go to sleep on the mattress.
When she woke up I would give her a bottle, change her nappy then put her in bed with me.
She slept better when she was with me but also didn’t not wake me as much, as she’d get a toy and come and play alongside me whilst I napped.

I would do similar in your situation but I wouldn’t co-sleep with the baby.
I would just have the cot in the same room so you can get up, sort baby then go back to sleep.

Cinai · 19/12/2025 21:43

BinNightTonight · 19/12/2025 21:27

I can only speak for me but my 14 month old has coslept since he was 5 months and is still up every 30 minutes, I wish it was the answer for us! 😅

Same for us 😵‍💫
OP, nothing bad will happen, she’s a flake. But how frustrating for you, I hope you get other help sorted soon!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/12/2025 21:40

I'd try bedsharing with them. Make sure to follow the safe sleep guidelines.

Eyeshadow · 19/12/2025 21:39

Something may have happened to her.
Most people would make up an excuse at least.

What area are you in?

Have you had a look at home start?

BinNightTonight · 19/12/2025 21:27

I can only speak for me but my 14 month old has coslept since he was 5 months and is still up every 30 minutes, I wish it was the answer for us! 😅

Slowdownyouredoingfine · 19/12/2025 21:23

I’m screaming ‘CO SLEEP!’ at my phone.

columnatedruinsdomino · 19/12/2025 21:19

ForLoveNotMoney · 19/12/2025 21:00

I’ll be shot saying this but co sleeping is your friend here. Saved me in the depths of what you are currently going though

I agree. Dp was on permanent night shift so me and 3 dds all slept in the same bed, baby in a Moses basket. We all went to bed at the same time. I cba to fight bedtimes alone.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/12/2025 21:08

If you REALLY don't know anyone already in your friends and family circle and need to employ strangers, then actually I wouldn't want a stranger coming to my house having only been speaking to them online for 24 hours. Not that I think she's a threat, I think she was just unreliable and unprofessional.

I think for your own peace of mind, you need to ask a paid nanny or babysitter to come while you're there the first time, during the day. Go and have a bath while they're there, do all your ironing, do some work, make some calls, go to the local shops, watch a film etc. You need to build a relationship with them to be comfortable with them helping you at night time.

Edictfromno10 · 19/12/2025 21:03

Did you speak to get referees? Would advise going through agency as hopefully less chance of this. FB is a lottery and you got a flake!

mumofoneAloneandwell · 19/12/2025 21:02

Sorry girl, she's ghosted you. Extremely unprofessional, so sorry as I know how hard it is with one sen kids and lack of sleep! xx

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/12/2025 21:02

I think you need a personal recommendation from actual humans. Do either of the kids go to nursery? I know a couple of people who have asked the nursery staff if they do babysitting and they do. One person I know even had nursery staff there on her wedding day to look after the kids all day and make sure they were happy so that she and dad, and all the guests could have a good time, and interact with the kids without being "responsible" for them and taking them for naps etc.

Maybe not the best time of year to be asking though, lots of Christmas nights out happening today.