Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arranged for a nanny to help me with bedtime today and she just didn't turn up!

107 replies

Nightnanny0019 · 19/12/2025 20:54

I'm absolutely frazzled. Toddler and a baby, both going through sleep regressions. The toddler is suspected SEN. For a week none of us have been getting much sleep. I'm a single parent and this past week I've been needing to stay with the toddler while getting her ready for bed. This has taken anywhere from 2hours to 5.5hours and lots crying and distress.

I found a nanny is a local FB group I'm in. She checked out. Experienced, DBS, qualifications etc. We exchanged numerous messages over the course of the last 24hrs. She even messaged to confirm that I'd see her at 6pm tonight.

6pm came and she didn't. I messaged at 6.15 checking if she was lost but no answer. 6.35 I messaged again asking if she eas coming and again no answer. Then 6.45 I asked her not to come if she wasn't able to get here before 7, only because it would may disrupt my toddler so close to the time I was trying to get into her cot.

I've still not heard from her. She has my address. Knows I live alone with 2 young kids. Should I be worried or am I too frazzled to be thinking straight?

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 20/12/2025 05:39

Nightnanny0019 · 20/12/2025 04:37

I have a regular nanny who I've known for years but she's away at the moment.

I'm currently in the bedroom with them both on a floor mattress. They're both away and riling each other up. HmmI haven't slept all night.

Oh bless you OP. That sounds awful. Hopefully the agency can send another nanny who is more reliable until your nanny is back. Could you look for a sleep expert who could come over?

Zanatdy · 20/12/2025 05:38

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 19/12/2025 21:52

Well I would usually assume flaky. But last time I was "let down" by someone in this way they had actually had a terrible accident so I now give the benefit of the doubt.

Yes last christmas I was thinking my friend was becoming a bit rude after the second message she didn’t reply to. I wish I could turn back the clock and go and check on her. She wasn’t dead, but she was in a terrible state all alone with 2 dogs and 9 wks later she was gone. Now, I don’t always assume ghosting, though likelihood is I guess.

IDontHateRainbows · 20/12/2025 04:41

VikaOlson · 19/12/2025 22:20

A nanny agency doesn't do anything you can't do yourself. It's not like have access to a special database.

Show quote history

Yeah but if they dont turn up the agency wont give them more work. Whereas an individual customer, nanny doesn't give a shit about sacking the client off.

Original poster
Nightnanny0019 · 20/12/2025 04:37

I have a regular nanny who I've known for years but she's away at the moment.

I'm currently in the bedroom with them both on a floor mattress. They're both away and riling each other up. HmmI haven't slept all night.

OP posts:
CatsKoalasBunnies123 · 20/12/2025 02:31

Realistically, your toddler and baby would not have reacted well to a stranger at bedtime.

You need to find someone regular, that your kids know well.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 20/12/2025 02:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LancashireButterPie · 20/12/2025 01:27

I'm actually shocked that you'd just give your address and details out to someone so freely.
It's easy enough for someone to pretend to be someone else online.
Did you thoroughly check the DBS, ID and references? You may well have dodged a bullet tonight. "Looking forward to giving you a relaxed evening" sounds a bit creepy to me.

Florencesndzebedee · 20/12/2025 00:52

A nanny of Facebook? Really?

MumChp · 20/12/2025 00:39

VikaOlson · 19/12/2025 22:20

A nanny agency doesn't do anything you can't do yourself. It's not like have access to a special database.

Show quote history

But the agency do the basics for you and the nanny show up as ordered if you don't have the energy to sort it yourself. I ordered one from an agency for a night out to babysit at the hotel in a city we knew no nannies. It was a brilliant service

MumChp · 20/12/2025 00:30

Shatteredallthetimelately · 20/12/2025 00:05

I'm amazed at how many FB posts there are on local groups asking for a nanny/someone to collect DC from school and look after them for a few hours.

Show quote history

Has worked well for us. Invited them round for a cup of tea and a chat. Had a few for years this way and cheaper than agency.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 20/12/2025 00:05

Soontobe60 · 19/12/2025 20:58

You got a nanny off Facebook?

I'm amazed at how many FB posts there are on local groups asking for a nanny/someone to collect DC from school and look after them for a few hours.

Dliplop · 19/12/2025 23:53

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/12/2025 21:08

If you REALLY don't know anyone already in your friends and family circle and need to employ strangers, then actually I wouldn't want a stranger coming to my house having only been speaking to them online for 24 hours. Not that I think she's a threat, I think she was just unreliable and unprofessional.

I think for your own peace of mind, you need to ask a paid nanny or babysitter to come while you're there the first time, during the day. Go and have a bath while they're there, do all your ironing, do some work, make some calls, go to the local shops, watch a film etc. You need to build a relationship with them to be comfortable with them helping you at night time.

But OP was there. Just wanted another lair of hands at bedtime due to the circumstances. So I don’t think there was a danger

NortyElf · 19/12/2025 23:50

Nightnanny0019 · 19/12/2025 20:54

I'm absolutely frazzled. Toddler and a baby, both going through sleep regressions. The toddler is suspected SEN. For a week none of us have been getting much sleep. I'm a single parent and this past week I've been needing to stay with the toddler while getting her ready for bed. This has taken anywhere from 2hours to 5.5hours and lots crying and distress.

I found a nanny is a local FB group I'm in. She checked out. Experienced, DBS, qualifications etc. We exchanged numerous messages over the course of the last 24hrs. She even messaged to confirm that I'd see her at 6pm tonight.

6pm came and she didn't. I messaged at 6.15 checking if she was lost but no answer. 6.35 I messaged again asking if she eas coming and again no answer. Then 6.45 I asked her not to come if she wasn't able to get here before 7, only because it would may disrupt my toddler so close to the time I was trying to get into her cot.

I've still not heard from her. She has my address. Knows I live alone with 2 young kids. Should I be worried or am I too frazzled to be thinking straight?

You need to move everything upstairs. Stop trying to make your babies sleep by themselves in 2 separate rooms. You need to co sleep with them both and all get a good night's sleep. You only have yourself to worry about, so sleep together and you will all sleep

YourLoyalPlumOP · 19/12/2025 23:49

Nightnanny0019 · 19/12/2025 20:54

I'm absolutely frazzled. Toddler and a baby, both going through sleep regressions. The toddler is suspected SEN. For a week none of us have been getting much sleep. I'm a single parent and this past week I've been needing to stay with the toddler while getting her ready for bed. This has taken anywhere from 2hours to 5.5hours and lots crying and distress.

I found a nanny is a local FB group I'm in. She checked out. Experienced, DBS, qualifications etc. We exchanged numerous messages over the course of the last 24hrs. She even messaged to confirm that I'd see her at 6pm tonight.

6pm came and she didn't. I messaged at 6.15 checking if she was lost but no answer. 6.35 I messaged again asking if she eas coming and again no answer. Then 6.45 I asked her not to come if she wasn't able to get here before 7, only because it would may disrupt my toddler so close to the time I was trying to get into her cot.

I've still not heard from her. She has my address. Knows I live alone with 2 young kids. Should I be worried or am I too frazzled to be thinking straight?

Oh I feel you!

when my youngest was 18 months she developed a very rare illness after a bout of chicken pox. I had 3 years of barely any sleep

i would of done anything for sleep including probably getting a nanny off Facebook!

I wouldn’t worry but keep an eye out

but co sleeping. Saved me. Truly saved me.

Theslummymummy · 19/12/2025 23:28

Worried about what? I presume other people know you live there too

WinterWooliesBaa · 19/12/2025 23:20

VikaOlson · 19/12/2025 22:20

A nanny agency doesn't do anything you can't do yourself. It's not like have access to a special database.

Show quote history

Exactly, it just costs more 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

awrbc81 · 19/12/2025 23:17

ForLoveNotMoney · 19/12/2025 21:00

I’ll be shot saying this but co sleeping is your friend here. Saved me in the depths of what you are currently going though

I was thinking this too.
This is what my single mum friend did when she had a baby & toddler, all together in a king sized floor bed

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 19/12/2025 23:11

I’d be raging.

Orwellwasright2020 · 19/12/2025 23:11

I'd check to make sure she had not had an accident or something, and then warn the group.

empee47 · 19/12/2025 23:03

For the short term, maybe, but would create long term problems for the OP

VikaOlson · 19/12/2025 23:02

SandyY2K · 19/12/2025 23:00

It wouldn't be a random person on Facebook and the would have nannies sign up and do thorough checks.

Facebook is just way too casual a place for me to get a nanny from.

Show quote history

Agencies get nannies from facebook too though.
The 'thorough checks' are no different to what a parent would do, DBS, ID, hopefully take up references.
Parents should always do their own checks even when using an agency as often they aren't as thorough as they should be.

SandyY2K · 19/12/2025 23:00

VikaOlson · 19/12/2025 22:20

A nanny agency doesn't do anything you can't do yourself. It's not like have access to a special database.

Show quote history

It wouldn't be a random person on Facebook and the would have nannies sign up and do thorough checks.

Facebook is just way too casual a place for me to get a nanny from.

Beeloux · 19/12/2025 22:22

Sending hugs. I’m a single mother and both of mine were horrendous sleepers.

The only thing that worked for me was cutting out their nap. Both of them by 18 months were fighting naps. I simply stopped putting them down for them and they started going to sleep easily at 6/7. Before that it would be an hour at least of screaming every bedtime.

Try and avoid any car journeys or long buggy rides in the afternoon. Also co-sleep. Not ideal but it’s the only way I know I’ll get an undisrupted nights sleep.

Regarding the nanny that is really rude of her. If she has a review page I would leave one on it.

colddarkdarkcold · 19/12/2025 22:21

Co sleeping is not automatically the answer. It doesn’t solve shit sleepers and often ensures that you don’t get any sleep yourself because you’re being booted by a toddler all night. Anyway …

Advice on here is often to find a teenager or similar and this is why I think it’s bad advice. Reliability is absolutely key and realistically that’s hard on just some Facebook messages, I’m sure it’s fine from a safety point of view but I would be cautious in the future.

VikaOlson · 19/12/2025 22:20

SandyY2K · 19/12/2025 21:50

I honestly can't imagine hiring a nanny from Facebook. It just wouldn't feel safe to me.

I'd suggest going through a nanny agency next time.

A nanny agency doesn't do anything you can't do yourself. It's not like have access to a special database.