Arranged for a nanny to help me with bedtime today and she just didn't turn up!

personally, I would not start co-sleeping.

Have you tried opening the cot/moving to a toddler bed? I know it can be daunting as they can more easily get up and out, but actually it solved my daughter's naps (which she'd been resisting for 6 months) and made bedtime routine much easier too

I agree the appendicitis is likely to be fictional but you can't challenge it.

I've mostly only read OP's posts so sorry if this has already been suggested, but one thing that might help you @Nightnanny0019 is to reconsider the timing of bath. Making the connection that your toddler may have SEN of some kind, some neurodiverse brains experience bathtime as a massive stimulation that takes a long time to calm down from. We found it really helped out SEN child to not have bath immediately before bed.

You described your current routine as
We tidy up together, dim the lights around 6.30/7pm to read/quiet play. Then I bath her, brush her teeth, in her sleep sack and in the cot.

I would suggest that instead it should be bath time as early as you can practically manage it after supper, then have reading/quiet play after bath. Or if you have rime in your morning routing, reset the main daily wash to be in the morning, with just a top and tail wipe at night.

Sounds exactly like the last two electricians I booked who both said they’d be there the next day and then didn’t show or reply to texts. The UK is full of flakes

I call bullshit, sorry. She didn't feel like coming for some reason and has made this up so you don't leave a bad review. I have my phone all the time, everyone does. She would have texted when she got the pain or on way to hospital etc.

Obviously you can't say any of this without looking like an arsehole and she knows it.

I’m glad there was a good reason as it did seem very strange

for those who think it’s strange to get a nanny off fb. Why ?

im admin on such a group locally

obv parents need to check the nanny’s dbs, ref and that’s they have pli and first aid but really no diff form using an agency - if they do the right checks

@Nightnanny0019 I've no advice to give. I've been where you are and all I can say is it's just a phase. A really hard one but one that will pass.

Like the flip of a switch they are going to get used to eachother and they won't want to sleep without eachother.

I found cutting out the midday nap worked for my toddler and bringing the bedtime hour way forward to like 7.

The only way you can sleep with the both of them now is to get them used to sleeping together. Keep trying and it'll work.

Toddler is going to get used to baby and begin to dote on it and will like having baby there.

It's about survival and what works for you don't let anyone shame you, we're all trying our best. You're doing fantastic to be doing all this on no sleep.

And look the perfect parade will totally object but whatever, if you're stuck in the bedroom with a sleeping baby and a toddler going to have a meltdown, I'm sorry but break out the tablet and let them watch a bit of winnie the pooh or something calming. Basically whatever takes the drama and struggle out of bedtime do it. They're growing and changing everyday and at the minute they're both needing some extra comfort so put the rules out the window and do what works for you. Cut yourself some slack.

When I got it I thought I just had bad IBS cramps. It did hurt but that wasn’t unusual for me. Only caught it because I was about to go scuba diving and when I said I was having some pains they told me I needed a medic sign off and well… the medic wouldn’t sign me off.

I know someone who couldn't be arsed going to work one day, so she said her brother had died suddenly.

My thoughts too

Welcome to the real world.

Sorry you are going through this.

I'm solo mum. Still have to do shopping for Christmas... 2 days left...

Who gives a fuck, Better than the OP who'se brother that eats the complete house food with his wife too.

I’d be pissed off - she could have let you know, no matter the reason.

Maybe i'm just a bitch but I don't know if I'd believe the appendicitis thing. These days people have their phone with them all the time, even when they go to hospital with suspected appendicitis. If I was that nanny I would have texted you in the A&E waiting room to say where I was and that I wouldn't be coming. I think appendicitis pain comes on over a few hours, she definitely would have had some kind of idea that she wouldn't be coming before she even went to hospital.

At least you know why she was a no show now.

Having a SEN DC who won’t sleep is hard. I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is with a younger baby and being on your own too

If DD is assessed and gets a diagnosis then you can ask for Melatonin although some MNers do buy it online. We’ve found the slow release to work best.

If she’s got molars coming through, have you tried her with Ibruprofen just after her tea? It’s good for dental pain.

You’ve probably done this already but my SEN DC needed a lot of sleep associations. So the same light show and music every single time. A weighted blanket also helped.

If she’s alao refusing naps in her cot i would try and change the naps to somewhere else.

Where in the south east OP? I’m in West Kent, have three grown up kids and am DBS checked as I work in a school. I would happily come and help with bedtime (can’t stay overnight).

This is nonsense. It's great you've never had to do it, but it is the normak thing to do in a lot of counties around the world and is becoming more accepted as a way of sleeping with babies, and children, if needed, in the UK. Of course children will want their own space eventually, yes it may take longer for some, but for others it can be a smooth transition to their own sleep space. Why do we expect babies and children to sleep alone when we, as adults, like to sleep next to someone.

“And she's incredibly jealous of any affection I show to her brother“.

My 3 yo DD is the same. I have an 8 month old and she regressed massively once I started co sleeping with him. I wasn’t sure if it was a coincidence but it was a bloody nightmare! I started to pretend he was sleeping in his own cot and she calmed right off. Could be a coincidence but might be worth a try.

eta… I’ve just read one of your posts about iron! I added an iron supplement a few months ago and made the mistake of giving it at night. It took her HOURS to go to sleep. A Dr (family friend) said to only give it in the morning as it gives children an energy boost, it really did make all the difference.

Ahhh! Your gut was right.

Glad you found out what happened.

Always good to give people the benefit of the doubt.

A nanny not turning up for work is not a police matter. You should exhaust all other possibilities before involving the police

Even if your assumption about the OPs circumstances was true, does it fucking matter? it's not the point. Unless you've got use of a time machine to loan, what is your post offering other than judgement?

You are clearly suggesting the OP should not have had at least one of her children. Should she shove one back in now? Both? Adoption? Euthanasia?

Back off, open the Quality Street and watch a Christmas movie. Being this judgemental especially at this time of year must make you miserable.

Well, a friend of mine was widowed when her baby was six months old. Difficult things can happen in life.

OP if you think her teeth are playing up have you given her some calpol before bed?
Sleep deprivation is horrific, I hope things improve soon.

That's makes so such more sense. I'm glad her husband let you know. Bless her, I hope she is recovering well 🙏