Page 9 | Shingles bell for xmas and Mil

Yayjust3yearstogo · 19/12/2025 21:56

Your MIL is not unreasonable, but your DH is. He and DS should be staying at home with you both, especially as Christmas is important to your 15 year old.

Original poster

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 21:55

Christmaseree · 19/12/2025 21:54

Has your DS been given the anti viral medication to stop it getting worse?

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No. Said they only give it to older/frail/sick people. He's not sick at all and it doesn't hurt or itch- touch wood.

OP posts:

seafoamhair · 19/12/2025 21:55

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 21:54

You can't catch chicken pox from shingles if you have already had chicken pox.

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An older person can catch chicken pox again. And anyone can catch chickenpox from the fluid of the blisters before they have crusted over.

Original poster

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 21:54

seafoamhair · 19/12/2025 21:50

Yes, I am aware of that. As per my post above:

Shingles are infectious until all the blisters have crusted. You can catch chickenpox from shingles, and in an older person, whose immunity has waned this would be very unpleasant.

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You can't catch chicken pox from shingles if you have already had chicken pox.

OP posts:

Christmaseree · 19/12/2025 21:54

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 21:52

Thank you. I will hereby refer to it as shingles to spare you this odd nomenclature. English is my second language and I had never heard the word shingles until a couple of days ago when the doctor described it as "the shingles" so I went with that.
For the laughing emojis I have no excuse whatsoever. Guilty as charged.

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Has your DS been given the anti viral medication to stop it getting worse?

CatFaceCatFace · 19/12/2025 21:53

godmum56 · 19/12/2025 21:40

I would like to point out that shingles doesn't always start out painful. I have just had it and for the first around 5 days, I felt slightly "off" but was doing normal stuff and totally unaware that I had shingles. because I live alone and couldn't see any rash, I didn't even know to look for one. Once the pain did kick in it was pretty horrible, had to live in my PJ's for days as I couldn't bear day clothes touching my skin. My point is that while your boy might feel fine now, by christmas it might be different and he might not feel well enough to go. None of this changes my view that your Mil is an ass.

Edited

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Mine wasn't painful the whole way though to be honest, bar the odd time I rolled on it at night or something. I must have been very lucky.

Will your dh be there all day op? Maybe they could just go for a couple of hours and then the rest of the day at home? I'm sure your poor ds would feel better if you all put a bit of effort in at home for him

Original poster

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 21:52

seafoamhair · 19/12/2025 21:39

Shingles is generally referred to as shingles. Not "the shingles".

As well as this odd nomenclature, OP is all laugh emojis and only catch it if she licks his back. This is not true.

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Thank you. I will hereby refer to it as shingles to spare you this odd nomenclature. English is my second language and I had never heard the word shingles until a couple of days ago when the doctor described it as "the shingles" so I went with that.
For the laughing emojis I have no excuse whatsoever. Guilty as charged.

OP posts:

LoveSandbanks · 19/12/2025 21:52

Dh is her only son he has to go.

No, he doesn’t, she’s choosing to exclude your son so DH stays with him (and you all). You don’t split up a family at Christmas because she doesn’t want to listen to medical advice!

Shinyandnew1 · 19/12/2025 21:51

'MIL, you can't seriously expect poorly DS to spend Christmas Day without his dad and brother, can you?!'

My DH would never do this to his kids-that's really shitty of yours. MIL won't be alone. This is a choice your husband is making.

seafoamhair · 19/12/2025 21:50

godmum56 · 19/12/2025 21:47

It can give people chicken pox if they haven't had chicken pox. Someone else's shingles cannot give you or anyone shingles.

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Yes, I am aware of that. As per my post above:

Shingles are infectious until all the blisters have crusted. You can catch chickenpox from shingles, and in an older person, whose immunity has waned this would be very unpleasant.

JudgeJ · 19/12/2025 21:50

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 20:27

My 15 y old son has got the shingles. My Mil says he can't come to hers because she's afraid. I have told her it is not contagieus unless she licks his back (only on back) because she has already had chicken pox as has the rest of the family.

She is convinced that it is contagieus even though I have sent her nhs links "oh, I don't care about the net" because she is adamant she got it from someone in her thirties and it was extremely painful. She does anecdotal evidence rather than scientific ex insists on antibiotics for viral infections so you can't reason with her. She's normally a lovely woman and a wonderful grandma but my son is so sad if he has to stay home for christmas (with me ofcourse). Personally I don't care but since christmas is important for him I'm frustrated with her stance on this. So DH and ds2 will go and ds1 will he heartbroken. To add: he's autistic and very immature, I doubt his brother would be as upset as him for ex.

Am I unreasonable to think that Mil should follow scientific guidance rather than her own "experiences"?

(And why didn't she get the vaccine when she went to have her covid and flu jab if she's so worried about it- they do all three and it's on a big sign in our pharmacy we both go to).

When did they start? When my late OH noticed the signs he went to a walk in centre and got a jab which stopped them developing further, if it's done within 48 hours it's very effective.

MrsDoomesPattersen · 19/12/2025 21:50

My dad was never the same after shingles when he was elderly so I’m with her

it obviously worries her

I don’t think he should socialise in group with shingles

sorry no I’m with MIL

Leoari · 19/12/2025 21:48

Christmaseree · 19/12/2025 21:36

I had it in the summer, I didn’t know much about it before. It was the most painful thing I’ve experienced in my life especially for five days before a very small amount of blisters appeared. So even though I know I could only get it from someone else by actually touching their blisters I would still feel like your MIL does.
She isn’t the problem your DH choosing to go there is.

Edited

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But that's not true. Shingles isn't " catchable" AT ALL. You can catch chicken pox if you've not had it from shingles blisters but shingles is not airborne or transmittable at all. If you get it it's normally because your own immune system is dampened and because the chicken pox virus you previously had ( normally as a child) is reactivated. If you're an adult who has had chicken pox being around children with chicken pox provides a " natural vaccine" or boost in your immunity to CP/ shingles.

godmum56 · 19/12/2025 21:47

seafoamhair · 19/12/2025 21:46

I am not sure about what your problem is with saying "the" shingles?

To me it's like when people say she's got "the diabetes", like it's a joke.

Regardless, it is contagious. I would not want to be assuming any super hygiene is occuring that would prevent all accidental contact with fluid from the blisters of a 15 year old boy.

It can give people chicken pox if they haven't had chicken pox. Someone else's shingles cannot give you or anyone shingles.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 19/12/2025 21:47

My mum had chicken lox and had shingles. She had it in her ear and woke up looking like she had had a stroke with her face drooping. Took years of hospital appts to regain her face pre shingles.’

godmum56 · 19/12/2025 21:46

Middlemarch123 · 19/12/2025 21:42

I had chicken pox as a child, have had shingles three times since, it’s horrible. Still get post shingles neuralgia at the sight of the shingles, which flares up when I’m under the weather. I can understand totally any older person being cautious.

but she can't catch shingles from someone else's shingles.

seafoamhair · 19/12/2025 21:46

I am not sure about what your problem is with saying "the" shingles?

To me it's like when people say she's got "the diabetes", like it's a joke.

Regardless, it is contagious. I would not want to be assuming any super hygiene is occuring that would prevent all accidental contact with fluid from the blisters of a 15 year old boy.

Winter2020 · 19/12/2025 21:46

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 21:30

Oh, Ds1 is devastated about not going to Mils. He loves having christmas there as per tradition. It wouldn't make a difference if his dad and brother stayed home. That's why I'm ok with them going. I will find ways to make it up to him though.

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It’s crazy to me that your son will miss Christmas with the family rather than your family just staying home on Christmas Day and having your own day. Seems like your are choosing MIL’s preference over giving your children a nice Xmas. Just because you have been to MILs in the past doesn’t mean you have to go this year.

Original poster

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 21:46

godmum56 · 19/12/2025 21:40

I would like to point out that shingles doesn't always start out painful. I have just had it and for the first around 5 days, I felt slightly "off" but was doing normal stuff and totally unaware that I had shingles. because I live alone and couldn't see any rash, I didn't even know to look for one. Once the pain did kick in it was pretty horrible, had to live in my PJ's for days as I couldn't bear day clothes touching my skin. My point is that while your boy might feel fine now, by christmas it might be different and he might not feel well enough to go. None of this changes my view that your Mil is an ass.

Edited

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Thank you. I didn't think about this- I stupidly assumed that since he's fine now it will stay that way. He's rarely ill unlike his brother so I just assumed he'd be fine. Guess we'll wait and see then.. if he's ill then it would be logical for him not to go (but Ofcourse I don't hope for it).

OP posts:

MotherofPufflings · 19/12/2025 21:46

YANBU about your MIL (lots on this thread too are determined to be ignorant about it being no danger to your MIL as well). But I'm really surprised that your ds is devastated at missing the big family Christmas at his grandparents yet isn't bothered about having a very quiet Christmas on his own with his mum. Surely it would be better for you all to be at home together??

godmum56 · 19/12/2025 21:45

seafoamhair · 19/12/2025 21:39

Shingles is generally referred to as shingles. Not "the shingles".

As well as this odd nomenclature, OP is all laugh emojis and only catch it if she licks his back. This is not true.

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Actually it is pretty much true except for the licking bit which is GP humour. Shingles can only give people chicken pox if they touch the fluid that leaks from the rash. Before the rash leaks and once it has dried up and scabbed over, its quite safe. It can of course be covered with light non adhesive dressings for extra protection. I am not sure about what your problem is with saying "the" shingles?

FastFood · 19/12/2025 21:44

Buttercupmoon · 19/12/2025 21:38

My neighbour was in the intensive care unit with shingles related complications. Shingles is no joke for some people. I would respect her wishes and have a quiet Christmas at home with your son

But it's as nonsensical as stating that you can catch cancer by being in the same room as a cancer patient.

Of course shingles is no joke, it's very painful and I'm very happy that my mum got the vaccine, but it is not contagious as such. There's anxiety and then there's misinformation.

ChocoChocoLatte · 19/12/2025 21:43

I’ve had chicken pox and shingles several times - yup, I’m that weirdo.

its fecking miserable - let her be and do something when he’s all clear.

Original poster

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 21:42

QuickPeachPoet · 19/12/2025 21:37

What grandmother would turn her own grandson away at Christmas. What utterly vile behaviour. And how vile of your DH and other children for considering going. Either you all go or none of you go.

As an aside - why did you tell her? Knowing what she can be like? I'd have just turned up.

Edited

Well normally I'm the one who says my children can't go to hers because they are ill- and she insists that they come anyway (but she's older so I wouldn't want to contaminate her so I never send them with a cough etc). So I was quite surprised by her reaction to say the least..

OP posts:

Middlemarch123 · 19/12/2025 21:42

I had chicken pox as a child, have had shingles three times since, it’s horrible. Still get post shingles neuralgia at the sight of the shingles, which flares up when I’m under the weather. I can understand totally any older person being cautious.