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Original poster

Shingles bell for xmas and Mil

314 replies

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 20:27

My 15 y old son has got the shingles. My Mil says he can't come to hers because she's afraid. I have told her it is not contagieus unless she licks his back (only on back) because she has already had chicken pox as has the rest of the family.

She is convinced that it is contagieus even though I have sent her nhs links "oh, I don't care about the net" because she is adamant she got it from someone in her thirties and it was extremely painful. She does anecdotal evidence rather than scientific ex insists on antibiotics for viral infections so you can't reason with her. She's normally a lovely woman and a wonderful grandma but my son is so sad if he has to stay home for christmas (with me ofcourse). Personally I don't care but since christmas is important for him I'm frustrated with her stance on this. So DH and ds2 will go and ds1 will he heartbroken. To add: he's autistic and very immature, I doubt his brother would be as upset as him for ex.

Am I unreasonable to think that Mil should follow scientific guidance rather than her own "experiences"?

(And why didn't she get the vaccine when she went to have her covid and flu jab if she's so worried about it- they do all three and it's on a big sign in our pharmacy we both go to).

OP posts:
StripyHorse · 19/12/2025 21:08

BettysRoasties · 19/12/2025 20:30

Personally I think you should all stay home if she is banning one child.

This.

While she has the right to avoid potential viruses (however ill informed) she does not get to split your family unit up.

Vaxtable · 19/12/2025 21:04

If she not budge, and as you say it’s not contagious then all the family needs to stay at home and have Christmas together

JDM625 · 19/12/2025 21:04

Is she immunosuppressed or have another reason to feel she is very susceptible? (I'm aware she can't get shingles from him). I'm sure you know DS should avoid young children/babies, pregnant women and anyone immunosuppressed? I hope he got acyclovir very quickly along with pain relief?

I too would say its best you ALL stay at home- because given her naïve medical knowledge, DH and DS1 might be carriers 😱

TheatricalLife · 19/12/2025 21:03

Just have Christmas at home. You are absolutely correct that you can't catch shingles, but she is obviously scared and uncomfortable about it and I wouldn't want to push someone into something they didn't want to do. You still have time to get nice things for your own day.

KnittyNell · 19/12/2025 21:00

toomuchcrapeverywhere · 19/12/2025 20:55

You should all stay home and your MIL can go fuck herself and eat a Turkey drumstick on her own.

You’re a charmer aren’t you!

Leoari · 19/12/2025 20:58

ProfessorofCunning · 19/12/2025 20:52

You can’t catch shingles from shingles. You can however catch chickenpox from shingles if you’ve never had it. As we discovered one Christmas when in-laws didn’t tell us FIL had it until we’d been there a day. Spent most of January and half of February at home with one child after the other 🫣
If anyone else is going who hasn’t had chickenpox, they will likely be infected. You can have it twice too if your first go round was mild, as we subsequently discovered with DH!

This is true but shingles is not airborne the same way chicken pox is, so you'd have to have contact with the lesions / or something that's touched the lesions recently to catch it!

toomuchcrapeverywhere · 19/12/2025 20:55

You should all stay home and your MIL can go fuck herself and eat a Turkey drumstick on her own.

KarmenPQZ · 19/12/2025 20:55

If she thinks it’s contagious then surely your DH will get it and will probably be contagious himself by Christmas Day. Family Christmas for the 4 of you at yours time 🥳

dementedpixie · 19/12/2025 20:54

shiningstar2 · 19/12/2025 20:37

You can get shingles even if you've had chicken pox. I have had the shingles jab to protect me, even though I had chicken pox as a child. I know olde people who have had shingles even though they have had chicken pox and it is extremely painful.

You can ONLY get shingles if you've had chickenpox in the past as it's the CP virus that is reactivating. You dont get shingles from shingles but can get chickenpox from contact with fluid from shingles blisters (if you haven't had CP before)

LuckyCharmz · 19/12/2025 20:54

You stay as a family at Christmas, if he can’t go then you all stay at home together surely?

Eenameenadeeka · 19/12/2025 20:52

It's fine if she sees it as a risk she doesn't want to take but dh and ds2 stay home as well.

YSianiFlewog · 19/12/2025 20:52

I think your DH is being unreasonable leaving you and your DS at home. Have a family Christmas together.

ProfessorofCunning · 19/12/2025 20:52

You can’t catch shingles from shingles. You can however catch chickenpox from shingles if you’ve never had it. As we discovered one Christmas when in-laws didn’t tell us FIL had it until we’d been there a day. Spent most of January and half of February at home with one child after the other 🫣
If anyone else is going who hasn’t had chickenpox, they will likely be infected. You can have it twice too if your first go round was mild, as we subsequently discovered with DH!

wellbugger · 19/12/2025 20:52

YABU. People can draw whatever boundaries they like for their health.

dementedpixie · 19/12/2025 20:51

Alpinette · 19/12/2025 20:35

The only time I had shingles was after the only prolonged contact I’ve had with someone with it. If it’s not contagious that’s a one in a million coincidence! Shingles isn’t fun for any age but if you’re older it can be extremely hard to get rid of and last for ages. I really don’t believe the ‘not contagious’ view at all. I don’t blame her.

Deleted as it was aimed at the wrong person

Iloveacurry · 19/12/2025 20:51

Why are your DH and DS2 not staying at home with you both? You can have a family Christmas just the four of you.

cheddercherry · 19/12/2025 20:50

Yeah another vote that you should all stay home together in that case

BauhausOfEliott · 19/12/2025 20:48

As you say, unless she’s severely immunocompromised she isn’t going to catch shingles from him, but if she wants to call off Christmas, that’s up to her.

However, you should all have Christmas at home if that’s the case. She can have all of you or none of you.

NerrSnerr · 19/12/2025 20:46

of course your husband shouldn’t go. You should all stay at home together.

Leoari · 19/12/2025 20:46

You literally can't " catch" shingles- it's the reactivation of the chicken pox virus in your own body ( so at times when your immune system is dampened normally). You CAN catch chicken pox from someone with shingles if you've not had it but that shouldn't because concern for her as she's had chicken pox and you're right, she'd have to touch the lesions!

I agree with everyone else, if she won't have your don all stay home and have a lovely family Xmas!

BlueMum16 · 19/12/2025 20:41

Why is your DH still going and one child?

Her house, her rules but your family unit should be together.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 19/12/2025 20:41

@arcticpandas are you just popping for a visit or the whole of Christmas?

bitterexwife · 19/12/2025 20:41

All of you should stay home

yeesh · 19/12/2025 20:37

No way would I split up the family, total madness. If she wants Christmas without you all then that’s up to her but we would be staying at home together.

Maybeitllneverhappen · 19/12/2025 20:37

Surely if she thinks it's contagious, she doesn't want any of your family visiting as they could be incubating it and pass it on anyway?