To be disappointed in partners Christmas presents ?

He’s showing you how much he thinks of you and it’s not very high. If you keep him it will continue.

I wouldn't give myself the hassle of returning all his presents. I would say 'please return all the random shit you bought me which is the exact opposite of what we agreed. Transfer me my £200'. Order your own presents. Hand him a big of unwrapped gifts (minus the extra one) when you have your £200 (not on Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day) and get rid of this loser before new year.

How did you react last year to the Nivea and pjs?

It was absolutely drilled into me as a child to never, ever express disappointment and graciously thank people for gifts. (As in taken out of the room and smacked at my birthday party when I was 5, in the hearing of all my school friends) I know it’s pathetic, but I still find it impossible now as an adult, to voice disappointment.

I had this with dh too, and I produced the exact same wish list (folded and crumpled) when he asked what I’d like for my birthday, also last minute. I was in the trenches with small babies and I hate receiving gifts anyway. When he was handed the same list the following Christmas he finally copped himself on and upped his game. He gets me something thoughtful now.

But obviously telling him directly would have saved a lot of time! Can you get a peek at your presents, and then get like for like (lynx gift sets etc)?

Don't have kids with him. OP. Dump him. You deserve better.

I can imagine it’s going to be a bit disappointing when you’re watching him open everything he asked for! I’d probably ask him for my £200 but in the meantime, is he usually unreliable or does he have form for backing out when you’ve an agreement in place?

This is what we do. That way we both get some things we want/need and still get some nice surprises. I wouldn't like it at all if it was all like an order form- I am lucky DH knows what I like and vice versa and I get that some people just don't in relationships but looking at whats under the tree right now I don't know what it all is which I prefer!

He’s skint

Definitely return the gifts you bought him.

I think some women shower their partners with well thought out, expensive gifts in the hope the partner will do the same in return. It doesn't work because it is a win win situation for the partner, low effort, low cost, maximum return - why would they change?

Yep I’d be annoyed and if there’s anything you don’t like, I’d ask him to return them. Does he not realise online shopping exists?

My DH is exactly like this, it's not that he doesn't care but he has ADHD and his forward planning is awful. I tried the list and it didn't work either. Now I write my list and use his card to order all the stuff I want so all he needs to do is wrap it. It means I actually get the things I want 💐

Return half his gifts and buy the things you wanted. I really don't know why you bother with gifts when you're both giving lists to each other. Why not say Christmas be a token gift up to £30 say and you spend the rest on yourself on your list :/

Well ......aren't you delightful 🙄

Definitely return the gifts you've bought for him

I would return all his gifts and get him a lynx set, see how he likes it.

I agree send him back to town to return everything and send you the money to order your own.

Nope not impressed. Why did he leave it till now? Really poor show.

The thread is not about you and how superior you feel your mutual gift giving is. The OP and her partner 'agreed' to a list. He's already admitted he has purchased nothing from her list, has form for lying and saying items are out of stock and buying generic gift sets she doesn't use.

OP - I bet he is looking forward to the items he added to his list. He doesn't care that you will be disappointed. Please rethink giving him the items he put on his list. As someone up thread wrote - match his energy.

But you already know, your partner is mean of spirit, the worst kind of mean. You deserve better.

Go out and buy him a few random bits. He won't understand until he experiences the disappointment. If you can return any of his gifts do so and buy yourself a few things you want. Going forward suggest you both have a £200 budget and buy your own stuff. I'd be so disappointed in his lack of effort to give me a good Xmas.

That’s really annoying. Of course the shops had some of the stuff!

DH comes back from Tesco “oh, they didn’t have any bread” Sure…

What a lazy half-arsed man he is! YANBU - he just can’t bothered to put any energy in. The fact that the gift he pretended was out of stock wasn’t shows he’s not even fucked about lying! Bollock him, op! He wouldn’t do this if he was trying to impress you!

Yes, this 👆

Exactly your post is nonsense @ElleintheWoods And this attitude is part of the reason we continue to have so many useless selfish men.

OP literally said there’s perfume he said was out of stock that wasn’t. Had he just went up and asked a sales assistant they’d have found it for him. Simple. He’s obviously penny pinching and lying.

I am ND and sometimes find being organised in various aspects of my life a challenge but I have always tried hard for friends, partners and family when it comes to buying gifts or attending their events . And yes with things online nowadays it’s so much easier to source gifts.

Stop having such low expectations for men. At the very least if he was that disorganised or low effort he should got her one small gift then gave her £200 in cash or vouchers so she could get her own stuff.

He will never be the amazing present guy - he just doesn’t prioritise it. You need to decide whether you can live with that or dump him. If you want to keep him both of you should take all the gifts back, yours and his and £200 on yourself. Tell him your done with gifts.

I completely agree. The mindset of “oh those menz ha ha ha” drives me mad. My DH has always bought me gifts without giving him a list, wrapped them and never needed to be “trained” to do so.

Good grief, some women need to know their worth and stop this bullshit that males are incapable.

Funny how the OP hasn’t returned though, this is probably one of those wind ‘em up and laugh threads that are often posted on here.

Edited to add I find all of the threads about hapless men frustrating on here, penis portions and partners/wives allow it, men demanding to sit at the head of the table after doing nothing about Christmas gifts, tasting turkey and nodding to the son that “the wife did good”, taking credit for gifts bought etc. It’s ridiculous. Anyone enabling these idiots are just as bad. It’s 2025, we’ve moved on from the 50’s!

It sounds like she has had to make it this regimented to ensure she gets something even remotely of the same value. I feel really sorry for her, she probably came on here asking for advice a few years ago after being disappointed too many times and people advised them to set a budget and give a list and he still can’t get it right.