To be disappointed in partners Christmas presents ?

I think you need to learn the word “no”

You need to let the disappointment in his behaviour be his, so tell him now to keep hold of all the receipts as his "winging it" last year was a flop and the whole reason for doing lists.

Then he comes with you to return things and you blatantly point out things like the perfume in Boots he said was out of stock.

If he's not getting any feedback, theres a chance he can reflect and get better. However, if it's just a lack of care or consideration you need to think carefully about your future.

Why don't you both agree not to buy presents for each other in future and then you can buy yourself what you want. Much easier and less wasteful.

Stop doing all that for a start.

When you could go to Aldi and get a nice box for £6.50, he's just having a laugh.

He just can't be arsed and is cheap. Reflect on this. It's not about material stuff it's the lack of effort and respect.

Leave the stupid pointless bastard

Stop being a mug, if he didn’t have a partner he’d managed to get himself dressed for his night out.

Tell him to keep the receipts so you can return it and then get what you want when it’s back in stock. Next year don’t bother with gifts.

Id be so disappointed if my partner, who is supposed to know me really well and value me, couldn’t even choose me a gift I liked.

There is time for you to go out and buy a lump of coal just to see the look on his face.

I bet he'd have something to say about that.

Stop exchanging gifts with him in future, or set a £20 budget. He clearly can’t be bothered.

No, You don't have to do anything

You choose to

So choose to stop

And if he is mean in other ways (sounds like he is) then why are you with him?

Your best Christmas present would be freedom from someone who doesn't care

You don't have to do any of this, you choose to facilitate his uselessness and then complain about it. You're not his secretary.

Oh get rid of him OP! How unattractive to be his mum. Does he bring any joy to your life?

We decided instead of just buying random stuff that we might not like to write a list with about £200 budget of things we wanted.

And yet, even armed with your list, he bought you random stuff that you might not like. He didn't think ahead and order your items on line early enough. And then, faced with the reality that local shops were out of stock, he didn't admit to himself that he should have acted sooner and accept the extra effort and cost of getting these things (making a trip to a larger town or city, enlisting an urban friend to help, ordering on line with express/overnight delivery, even ordering and making you a card saying item x is on it's way just after Christmas). MOST crucially, realising he could not get you ANYTHING you asked for (in the context of a Christmas gift exchange entirely and intentionally based on specific requests) he did what he wanted without consulting you and then told you about it as a "done deal".

You're NOT unreasonable to be disappointed, frustrated, and even angry. This isn't about being greedy or wanting expensive presents or a certain monetary value, it's about expectations - he sets expectations he can't or won't meet and then lets you down, and it makes the relationship feel unequal and perhaps even neglectful. Since he's told you BEFORE Christmas about buying random stuff instead of what you'd asked for, I'd follow up when you see him in person and find out why he didn't stick with what the two of you agreed and see if the situation is salvageable. Don't hesitate to tell him to return what you don't want and look harder for what you do - and make HIM do that, don't do it yourself. But you two need a more general conversation about what's going on in the relationship, too. If you don't point out how his failing to follow through on his commitments negatively impacts you and the relationship your feelings will likely fester.

Sounds as though there is a wide gap in effort between you. YANBU feeling disappointed.

Gawd, why do they do this? Same with mine and we've been together over 25 years! He asked me to give him a list, but said I only really wanted one thing. It's now OOS and I am 99% sure he hasn't got it as I am always here and not seen it arrive. What I have seen are gin and tonic flavored sweets 🤢

This is exactly what I’d do, I’d expect it in my account without complaint and an apology regardless of if he’s skint.

Waiting for the Christmas update

He obviously doesn't make any effort. Assuming your money is seperate, I'd just tell him to transfer you the £200 and let you order your own stuff in future.

I'd actually ask him to return it all and give me the £200 and I'll get it all myself. Don't feel bad for rejecting crap. If he refuses then send all of his things back and buy crap too. Match his energy 👏 🙌

Unless you live in the Scottish Highlands there is still time to order online and pick next day/express delivery or Amazon Prime. I’d be telling him this is not acceptable.

This sounds so disappointing.

What’s the relationship like in general, is he just rubbish with gifts, or is it part of a wider pattern?

£200 on lots of items is a lot of present buying and high risk for 'not getting it right'. £200 in a card both ways. Go shopping in the holidays.