To be disappointed in partners Christmas presents ?

I put up with this for over 20 years. If it couldn’t be bought from Tesco on Christmas Eve then I never had a chance. For my 40th all I asked for was a day that I didn’t organise as I did every holiday/day out/ presents for everyone. I woke up on the morning of my 40th and was asked, ‘so what do you want to do then?’
I then booked my own table for lunch and made the best of it but I was so upset- it wasn’t about money or needing stuff (I got nothing either), but the complete lack of care or thought. What was worse is that the kids were also so upset because they had great ideas (picnic on the beach, walks- nothing expensive) but he wouldn’t listen to them either.
Interestingly now we have separated he still doesn’t do anything for his children and they’ve realised what I put up with. I get what the poster is saying- it all just shows a lack of care, irrelevant of how much is spent. I’m single now so won’t get anything for Christmas but that’s ok because I get to do whatever I like instead!

I’d be annoyed too OP!

My DP asks for my list early and rigidly sticks to it. To the point I usually know exactly what I’m getting…. However I usually have a few extra presents too ranging from something silly to something thoughtful he has bought from my children to me (their own dad never bothers to organise a present for them to gift)

It works both ways though - I gift really well to him too. So next time it’s his birthday don’t put the effort in. Might give him a little taste of his own medicine.

We rarely buy expensive gifts. My husband is useless at shopping so we just do a token gift (maybe £25 value max).

I have ADHD. It’s not an excuse for being a selfish twat.

is it possible he has ADHD?? even without the h?
(not that I’m trying to make excuses for him obvs)

That is fair enough, but it sounds like your Husband knows you well enough, or listens to you, to know what you would love.

Doesn’t sound like that is the case for the OP.

Yeah to this. I bet the list is highly achievable. This reads like weaponised incompetence.

Is he a trillionaire with a gold-plated knob?

If not, I can't see why you'd stay with him.

Who bought his family cards and presents before he met you? How did he manage to dress himself? Did his mum come to his house each day and help him pick out a vest and a pair of pants? Did he never do anything or go anywhere? He’s not incapable. He’s lazy. And the more you do for him, the more he will let you do. And it will be an ongoing thing for the rest of your lives together until he’s so lazy you’ll be running his baths and wiping his arse for him.

If you want to put a stop to this, it needs to happen now. Tell him that you want to be sexually attracted to him but because he’s been behaving like a helpless drip for so long, incapable of even sorting his clothes for a night out, you now see him as a helpless drip. And you might be able to overlook that if he took some time and care and made some effort with you, but he hasn’t even bothered to do that. As a result, the thought of being intimate with him has left your nether regions dryer than the crumbs in the bottom of a tub of dry roasted peanuts. Because who looks at a helpless drip and thinks ‘I want to rip his clothes off’? I guarantee you’ll see a significant improvement.

You chose to do all those things for him though.....

Take all his back op. Get him some generic body spray and boxers - job done

Love this. Then, have a proper discussion about how he is coming across as an incompetent cheapskate.

Yes, that’s what I’d do! And then buy him a Lynx gift set and the naffest fluffy Christmas socks I could find.

I so agree! It makes life so much easier.

Make sure he keeps the receipts, return anything rubbish and buy what you wanted after Christmas. Disappointing, though.

Oh come on op. Take some responsibility here. why on earth would you allow him to treat you like a skivvy? why are you accepting this?

He sounds awful and thoughtless. Either decide you don’t care and next year spend £200 on what you would really like and tell him to skip presents or ditch him and find a nicer boyfriend who actually gives a damn about your feelings. You deserve better!

He is telling you that you are unimportant.

Hopefully you'll believe him and walk away but at the very least you should take the gifts you bought him and replace them with ones you also 'winged' because the cheeky bastard made sure he got his list fulfilled before half arsing yours, didn't he?
Thats not accidental. Thats intentional.

6 fucking years? You are a mug.

Even with a list it sounds as though he buys crap!

Learn from this OP. Next time you get the money, buy the gifts you want and lock him in the back bedroom with wrapping paper, sellotape and ribbon until he produces something looking remotely like a surprise bought with love.

Give yourself the best Christmas present ever and dump him. How you have not got the ick after 6 years of this useless cheapskate is beyond me. Whatever happens, do not give him anything off his list - he doesn't deserve it.

What do you get out of the relationship, op? Do you feel loved, cherished, looked after?

Just stop being his pa...and ditch the xmas lists. Just borh buy your own presents, job done!

Wait and see what you get on Christmas Day! Maybe he is just trying to prank you. If he actually hasn’t got anything off your list then just tell him next year to transfer the £200. It is not ideal but you can order it and then he can wrap and get it ready. If he wants to buy anything extra that is up to him.

Men love last min shopping! All the guys bar one at my work were talking about it on friday about how they had to go shopping this weekend. The women had all finished shopping. Our team has 3 women and 9 men. So looks like men procrastinate and then go buy random things! My DH has also been shopping yesterday and today for his team at work, and for me. No idea what I will end up with. To avoid disappointment I have already bought myself whatever I really wanted. Anything he gets is extra! Don’t want to ruin my Christmas. My parents and sibling always get me fabulous presents so the bar is set high!

Tonights his work night out,I had to find his Xmas jumper /jeans /trainers to match
Couldnt find his car keys

I can't actually believe that a grown man without a learning disability would need that kind of assistance.

Ohhhh no. No no no.

You don’t need to do any of that OP. Just stop. And preferably dump him.