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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
MissypoosMum · 20/12/2025 19:04

I'd be livid, that's an invasion of your privacy.

5128gap · 20/12/2025 19:02

I'd get my keys back and tell her i no longer wanted her to clean for me, and why.
Her personal circumstances, her motivation, whether it was 'a compliment' or not are all irrelevant. She has abused a position of trust and posted images of your private home on a public forum without your consent. She has shown herself capable of deceit. These aren't things that can be overlooked in a person whose job gives them full unsupervised access to your home.
Its sad that she felt the need to do that, as clearly she has issues. But yours is a professional relationship not a charitable one or a friendship and you're entitled to the professionalism you're paying for.

ThatZanyLimeMoose · 20/12/2025 19:01

As a professional cleaner myself, it is the only right thing to ask permission for things like this. As a rule, unless doing an end of tenancy where pictures are necessary for the client to use, I don't take photos at all. I understand why many do which is fine but I don't as I feel there is always a smidgen of dignity taken away from the client even though they may have said it's fine – but whatever the caes permission is always paramount! Definitely talk with your cleaner about this. Good luck 🙏🙏

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/12/2025 19:00

Kazm63 · 20/12/2025 18:58

Tell her your (male friend?’s) gardener had posted a pic of your friend’s new expensive car online making it sound like it was his,(friend) is really mad as she also wrote a derogatory remark about him,he is definitely gonna get fired shame as he’d worked there for years

Eh?

Kazm63 · 20/12/2025 18:58

Tell her your (male friend?’s) gardener had posted a pic of your friend’s new expensive car online making it sound like it was his,(friend) is really mad as she also wrote a derogatory remark about him,he is definitely gonna get fired shame as he’d worked there for years

WhitePudding · 20/12/2025 18:58

Thing is, this is what you know about. Has she done anything else you don’t know about? That’s the dilemma I’d be in. Yes the photos are flattering but what does she do when you aren’t around, have friends around? The point is you don’t know but for me any trust would be broken regardless of how nice she is or how well she cleans.

Zerosleep · 20/12/2025 18:58

I’m sorry but that’s weird and a step too far. I would contact the page admin and ask them to take it down.

Teddybear23 · 20/12/2025 18:52

PInkyStarfish · 19/12/2025 17:50

I would shame her and sack her. Message her with this if you are too angry to speak to her -

‘Fiona, you are employed as my cleaner and have breached my trust with this gross invasion of privacy and telling a pack of lies and posting photos of my home on social media claiming this your own home and possessions. Remove your post and delete the photos. I no longer wish to have you in my home because of this awful violation you have committed.’ Then you can add your terms of employment and give her notice etc.

At the same time so that you can warn other people who are thinking about employing her, make a post under her her posts and state - ‘THIS IS NOT FIONA’S HOME! SHE WORKS AS MY CLEANER AND THIS IS MY HOME. I HAVE ASKED HER TO DELETE HER POST.’

Before you do anything I’d get my keys back, otherwise she may get another one cut.

Hidihisew · 20/12/2025 18:50

Poodleville · 19/12/2025 17:36

She's fundamentally dishonest so I wouldn't want her having keys to my home!

That's what I thought, what else is she capable of☹️

Teddybear23 · 20/12/2025 18:49

Put your own reply on saying ‘they look exactly like mine’! And see if she replies?

Silverbirchleaf · 20/12/2025 18:46

Millertime9 · 20/12/2025 18:10

Its a compliment
And, she clearly isnt doing very well and wants people to think she has better stuff than she does
Its sad for her, take it as a compliment

Show quote history

Not op’s problem, and in fact, that’s will make her situation worst as she’s now lost her job!

FattyMallow · 20/12/2025 18:41

She's poor and she'll never have a house decorated like yours. Comment on her post something kind so she knows you're aware, if this annoys you so much.

Justonemoretouch · 20/12/2025 18:37

Firstly, screenshot the photos. Say nothing. As the cleaner has the keys to the house, I would await her next arrival, then immediately demand my house keys and let her know that her services are no longer required as trust has been broken. Also that she has to remove all photos of your house and property from the Internet or this will be taken further. If you dont do this, you will be forever wondering whether she's wearing your clothes and perfume and entertaining her friends in your home while you're out.

SmallHoneLiving · 20/12/2025 18:34

leakycauldron · 19/12/2025 17:41

Bit weird and not sure it would be something I’d be comfortable with.
It would also make me wonder if she’s done anything like that before…. Have you checked her Facebook profile?

If she’s brazen enough to post in a large group where people she may know are in it chances are she will post elsewhere too including her own profile.

Does she clean for others? Do you think other clients’ places appear on her page? Slightly in her defence the best cleaners that we’ve had started to treat the place like their own after a while!

Beachtastic · 20/12/2025 18:32

I think you're going about things the right way, OP. Avoid drama but get rid, quietly. All very well having a good/nice (?) cleaner, but who needs a lunatic in their life with keys to the house?!

Carpedimum · 20/12/2025 18:31

Good cleaners are hard to find, but I would not hesitate to sack her for that, complete breach of trust.

Summer23 · 20/12/2025 18:30

Poodleville · 19/12/2025 17:36

She's fundamentally dishonest so I wouldn't want her having keys to my home!

Agree

Gotalotofdogs · 20/12/2025 18:27

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

Weird behaviour. Get rid!

GreenFritillary · 20/12/2025 18:22

This would totally creep me out.
I gather you have reached the same point, including realising that getting keys back is not enough, and you need to change the locks.
I would make a file of evidence, getting help if necessary, to save all the Facebook posts and anything else on social media, and keep it in case anything develops, perhaps with someone else.
I would not have any more personal contact at all.
I would write, find some excuse, thank her for her work, and explain, with a cheque for a week or a month in lieu, however you pay, that you no longer need her. Nothing extravagant or dramatic.
Don't get another cleaner immediately, in case she takes it out on her.

Disenchantedone · 20/12/2025 18:18

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

I don't think you are unreasonable to be annoyed. You could just report the photo on fb she wouldn't even be told it is by you.
I don't personally think you should sack her, she is probably just so envious of your nice things that she wants to pretend they are hers and get attention, something she may not get. She hasn't stolen anything and will have thought it was innocent.
I wouldn't mention it. Keep an eye on the page in case it becomes a regular thing, then address it. I think things will go very sour very quickly if you pull her up.
Maybe in the new year you type something up for her with some rules whilst she is in your house.

andfinallyhereweare · 20/12/2025 18:17

@DeadlyDead I don’t think YABU at all for feeling annoyed. Your reaction makes sense. In terms of whether you should explain why you’re ending the arrangement, I’d probably say yes, for a few reasons.

First, you’ve said she’s quite sensitive. If you suddenly cancel without any explanation, she may unnecessarily worry that her cleaning wasn’t good enough, when in fact you’ve been happy with her work. That kind of self-doubt would be pointless and unfair to her.

Second, if she’s done this with your home, she may unknowingly do similar things with other clients. Gently pointing it out could prompt some reflection and potentially prevent her from losing further work. That may not be your responsibility, but it could still be helpful.

Third, it’s completely reasonable to feel uncomfortable when someone you trust in your personal space shares images of that space publicly without your consent. Your feelings here are valid.

None of this is something you owe her but if it were me, this is how I’d approach it and why.

After you’ve got the keys back I’d keep the message factual and non-confrontational, something along the lines of:

Hi, just letting you know that I saw your Facebook post. I’m uncomfortable with my home being shared on a public forum without my permission. Because of this, we’ll be cancelling any further cleans. Thank you.

Lizziespring · 20/12/2025 18:16

Poor woman. Give her a generous present, focus on what's important in life and I hope she - oh and you of course - has a nice christmas.

Noononoo · 20/12/2025 18:12

It’s not horrid though is it. It’s flattering and very embarrassing for her if she knew you knew. So what to do.. oh I don’t know. Cleaners are very hard to get. Perhaps say that it was very naughty of her to pretend your decorations were hers and perhaps try and make a joke of it? She won’t do it again. She will be mortified.

catwhite1 · 20/12/2025 18:11

What’s the big deal. It’s only a bit of fun. Wouldn’t bother me. It’s just some Christmas decorations after all. Not really hurting anybody!

Millertime9 · 20/12/2025 18:10

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

Its a compliment
And, she clearly isnt doing very well and wants people to think she has better stuff than she does
Its sad for her, take it as a compliment