Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Rosieblue12 · 20/12/2025 20:17

I would be more worried than annoyed, she is obviously a deceptive and dishonest person to do something like that, I would be worried about having anyone like that in my house.

Petitchat · 20/12/2025 20:17

murasaki · 19/12/2025 17:34

That's a sackable offence in my book.

Yes, me too. It's quite creepy actually....

mumuseli · 20/12/2025 20:15

I think you should get the keys back and then tell her the reason why. If you don’t tell her the reason why then she’ll never know, and then you might always feel a bit weird that it seems like you just binned her off.
I used to be really bad at being up-front with people, but now I find it easier as I’ve realised that if I really believe I’m justified then it’s ok to say it. You can still say it kindly. I think it would be okay to be really honest and just say that you wish it hadn’t ended this way, but you’re feeling uncomfortable since seeing the Facebook post and it has affected your level of trust.
You sound like a pretty sorted, strong and kind person – so I’m sure it will be okay.
Good luck!

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 20/12/2025 20:14

GameofPhones · 20/12/2025 20:13

She sounds unhinged. I'd start worrying about what she might do next. I googled the 'Single White Female' film as a previous poster suggested, and personality stealing is apparently a thing.

I immediately thought of this.

GameofPhones · 20/12/2025 20:13

She sounds unhinged. I'd start worrying about what she might do next. I googled the 'Single White Female' film as a previous poster suggested, and personality stealing is apparently a thing.

PfizerFan · 20/12/2025 20:07

This is giving me Parasite vibes. Argh escape!

Tabby1980 · 20/12/2025 20:04

I would probably message to mention that I'd seen it and would like it taken down. However I do feel a bit sorry for her as maybe her home / decorations are no where near as nice and she was envious. It's still a weird thing to do though.

Pres11 · 20/12/2025 20:01

I would be telling her she doesn’t have a job anymore, to take down the post, asking for my keys back, changing the locks, and the alarm code!

Mropalsmusic · 20/12/2025 20:00

ensayers · 20/12/2025 19:12

Ill bet your decorations are ten times better than her own.
People pretend to be more than they are on social media all the time.
I'd take it as a complement and not embarrass her.

Read the update, OP feels very uncomfortable about it as most normal people would and has made the wise decision to terminate the arrangement with her. Her aim isn’t to embarrass the cleaner just to get her out of her house/life. The cleaner may well be embarrassed but that’s on her.

And btw this is clearly a bit more than “pretending to be more than they are” on social media. It isn’t remotely normal or sane behaviour. It’s very creepy and intrusive as well as unprofessional.

TimeForATerf · 20/12/2025 19:59

Nope.

christmastreeblues · 20/12/2025 19:57

Fu**ing hell! Get the keys off her and change your burglar alarm code asap!!!

Tricey · 20/12/2025 19:55

Take the keys and change your door locks. Can't be trusted.

Diamondwindow · 20/12/2025 19:54

Nope! She’s dishonest and that’s weird!!!

Coloursingreydays · 20/12/2025 19:51

I would start looking and putting away valuables..... That is so so bad. Borderline psychotic. Get rid of and get out of your comfort zone get a new cleaner.

Calliopespa · 20/12/2025 19:49

BrickBiscuit · 20/12/2025 17:17

Won't insurers refuse to pay out if a burglar uses a key left on the property (or even left somewhere else)? Install a key safe as the next best thing.

Show quote history

We do have a key safe so perhaps that is what they said (because it is quite unlike us to get that organised !). But they definitely said don't give a copy for them to take.

20centurySteph · 20/12/2025 19:37

Now, if you want to let her know, you know, without directly addressing it, I would leave a comment on the post. Go to where she says she got something from her Nan years ago, and leave a comment like “oh my God I have that same candlestick. I got it in Next in 2019!” And then just leave it. She will know that you know. But you don’t have to address it directly if you don’t want to.

EvieBB · 20/12/2025 19:35

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OMG ....how weird

Littlemisscat · 20/12/2025 19:26

It’s a breach of trust in my opinion..taking photos of your house of your decorations to then present as her own on social media… she could be bloody Mrs Hinch for all I care 😂 but I would still sack her … confront her with the pics, instant dismissal and tell her if you will be asked for references then you will have to say what she did… plenty of people looking for work who will be excellent, grateful for work and not betray you … actually is Mrs Hinch still a thing?! But you get my drift 😂

2O25 · 20/12/2025 19:24

I am on the fence on this one. They are photos of the inside of the house, not the outside. So it shouldn't pose a security risk? It is a bit creepy and it sounds like the cleaner is trying to live vicariously through the OP's life.

Figgly · 20/12/2025 19:23

It’s very weird behaviour. She is not saying “look at this beautiful home”, she is pretending it is her home and her belongings. I know there are a lot of people doing this on the internet, it’s a bit sad even if there is no malice in it. But no way would I continue employing her based on that and the fact she is in a position of trust with access to keys and personal items.

deste · 20/12/2025 19:20

I would comment on the post. Think i feel a bit sorry for her to be honest.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 20/12/2025 19:13

Beyond strange behaviour. Tell her to take the post down and hand back your keys!!! Start looking for a new cleaner!

Mandymoogenx · 20/12/2025 19:13

Thing is...has she tried your knickers on and sent selfies to people too. Just saying, where theres one rat there's 50 more hiding.

ensayers · 20/12/2025 19:12

Ill bet your decorations are ten times better than her own.
People pretend to be more than they are on social media all the time.
I'd take it as a complement and not embarrass her.

Phoenixfire1988 · 20/12/2025 19:05

I would do a post stating its your home not hers and she had no right to take pictures and fire her immediately its a massive breach of trust and unethical !!