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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
OneHeartyMember · 21/12/2025 08:25

I think you need to find a new cleaner. Be tactful, I think she has some issues!
You can’t have someone in your house you can’t trust

Imdunfer · 21/12/2025 08:20

EasternEcho · 21/12/2025 08:09

OP, why don't you ask her directly when you get back from Christmas visits, as to why she did it, and take it from there? I don't understand why it takes 30 or 40 pages of strangers commenting on situations where a direct question and conversation between the two people concerned can settle most things.

You don't seem to understand that many people have doubts about their own reactions and whether they're rational or not, and can be unsure about the best way to handle the situation, so they post on here to clarify their thoughts, get support, and get different ideas of what to do next.

Confrontation is difficult for many people. The cleaner has already been described as being difficult to criticise or direct. And once the thread has been set running, the 30 or 40 pages is indicative only of how popular Mumsnet is.

EasternEcho · 21/12/2025 08:09

OP, why don't you ask her directly when you get back from Christmas visits, as to why she did it, and take it from there? I don't understand why it takes 30 or 40 pages of strangers commenting on situations where a direct question and conversation between the two people concerned can settle most things.

BeardofHagrid · 21/12/2025 08:05

You should message the admin of the group and explain and ask for it to be taken down. Sorry but she’s completely mental for doing this! If she’ll do this, I guarantee she will do other stuff, I’d be surprised if she hasn’t been pinching from you for years.

A relative of mine found out that their cleaner had stolen their credit card info and was using it on bingo sites! It isn’t particularly safe having someone in your house. She has proven herself untrustworthy now, you need to get rid of her.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 21/12/2025 08:05

washinwashoutrepeat · 21/12/2025 05:04

Someone I know got fired for a similar thibg recently. They were in a private home, and took a photo of an outfit that they liked. They then showed it to a couple of their friends. It got back to the person whose home/clothes it was, and their contract were terminated under gross misconduct.
the person said that they just hadn’t thought about it…

I would gently let her know why, so that she can realise that her actions have breached what was a very good relationship. I think it is important to do so.

Was she an estate agent?

Charlize43 · 21/12/2025 07:57

Purplewarrior · 19/12/2025 17:38

Sorry but I think this is hilarious!!

Agree. It just reinforces my idea that a lot of stuff you see on social media is mainly BS which is why I don't bother viewing or doing...

Bandit24 · 21/12/2025 07:47

YABU only because you had to ask! This is definitely a breach of trust! What else could she have or will snap and post on Facebook. You really would be unreasonable to keep her with you after this.

PloddingAlong21 · 21/12/2025 07:00

I would be letting her go. This is beyond weird.

SamPM · 21/12/2025 06:43

Sack her. That's a gross invasion of privacy plus she's lying to everyone about it being her house which is super weird. I would not ever want her anywhere near me or in my house again.

SeaUrchinHat · 21/12/2025 06:36

I would have to let her go. Trustworthy people don’t do things like this.

CanineJesus · 21/12/2025 06:13

OP, have you tried doing a search on the group to see if she has posted on it before? Might be good to check that she hasn’t posted other pictures of your house or belongings in the past…
it’s quite sad but ultimately dishonest and I agree, get you keys back and then let her go.

custardcreme77 · 21/12/2025 05:11

Whatstfpoint · 20/12/2025 20:38

I get this. It's a really weird feeling if the inside of your home pops up on social media. My cleaners tik tok account popped up on mine as a suggestion one day. She took photos and selfies with my pets and posted them. In one you could see my bedroom. It's very uncomfortable. I still employ her because she does a good enough job and I'm always at home when she's here.

But it meant I now always have a weird feeling and wouldn't leave her to do her job whilst I'm not there.

No, she does not do a ‘good enough job’, she is disrespectful and has violated your privacy.

AlexaMachesca · 21/12/2025 05:09

HevenlyMeS · 21/12/2025 00:33

Thank you for your compassionate, kind, caring comment, sincere soul 💚
You worded your wisdom so concisely & profound posts like yours, most surely help restore one's faith in the human race 💚

What is this?!

washinwashoutrepeat · 21/12/2025 05:04

Someone I know got fired for a similar thibg recently. They were in a private home, and took a photo of an outfit that they liked. They then showed it to a couple of their friends. It got back to the person whose home/clothes it was, and their contract were terminated under gross misconduct.
the person said that they just hadn’t thought about it…

I would gently let her know why, so that she can realise that her actions have breached what was a very good relationship. I think it is important to do so.

Thesehills · 21/12/2025 05:03

Absolutely no going back from that for me.

I'd ask for her my keys and explain why, showing her screen shots of the post.

AlexaMachesca · 21/12/2025 05:02

Oh dear @DeadlyDead
This is weird behaviour from her.
Yes it's a breach of your privacy and she has posted photos of your home without your consent. Even estate agent pictures require signed consent to display your home online.
But she's clearly got some issues going on. Nobody with a stable state of mind would do this.
Seeing as pictures of your house are now on Facebook anyway, why don't you take the exact same photos of the same areas of your house and post them on the same Facebook page with the caption "My beautiful Christmas decorations! Here's a fun Christmas game for everyone on the group: Which one of us is lying?" for everyone in the group to see.
Then get your door lock changed immediately and change your alarm code. Don't even bother retrieving the keys. Simply block her from your house.

Missj25 · 21/12/2025 04:59

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

It is a breach of privacy .
Pretending it’s her house & decorations is just weird !.
What age is she ?
I don’t know , putting up pics of your house is really crossing a line .
I wouldn’t like it , & I don’t think I’d could trust her after that being honest .

Seperellig · 21/12/2025 04:32

No one is indispensable. Goodbye 👋🏼 I wouldn’t waste anymore energy on this . Send her a polite message , parting ways . Its a professional relationship , however the trust has gone

Abab11 · 21/12/2025 04:07

You need to say something to her, she is completely out of order. She sounds overly sensitive, why should you walk on eggshells around her? Personally, I’d be getting a new cleaner!

supersop60 · 21/12/2025 03:41

Mere1 · 20/12/2025 09:02

It’s harsh.

Show quote history

Not as harsh as sacking her.

Bc87 · 21/12/2025 03:38

What on Earth 😦😦😦😧

ANameChangePresents · 21/12/2025 03:14

Why would you want such a fantasist in your house? Speaks of an unwell mind to me.

Yakacm · 21/12/2025 03:11

Poodleville · 19/12/2025 17:36

She's fundamentally dishonest so I wouldn't want her having keys to my home!

Yes, that’s a good point, she obviously can’t be trusted.

JHound · 21/12/2025 02:59

I’d be tempted to fire her over this. At a minimum I would speak to her and tell her it’s not on. So what if she gets upset.

EvieBB · 21/12/2025 02:38

Oldwmn · 20/12/2025 22:57

It's very simple. She's dragged you into her online world. Now you have two options: a) You let it go or b) you sack her.
Personally, I would go for the latter because there is absolutely no real explanation for this behaviour. Flattery doesn't cut it.
If, however, you go for a), you will always be on edge, even subconsciously
If you're going to have servants, you need to learn to be boss. If I ever have that problem, I'm ready!.

I agree it's weird behaviour and I would personally sack her but I would never think of her as my servant! I have more respect for people....