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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Fiftyandme · 19/12/2025 18:25

Nope. This is very Single White Female. She spent be setting foot over my threshold again and I’d be changing the locks. She is showing signs of being unhinged.

LowkeyLoco · 19/12/2025 18:25

Does this not make you question what else she might be photographing in your house? This woman has a key to your home and your alarm code OP: can you seriously not see how dangerous this behaviour is?

sanityisamyth · 19/12/2025 18:23

I’d 100% be commenting on the posts. If you sack her, she’ll likely make a sympathy-grabbing post and advertising for new clients. If you comment, pointing out she’s broken your trust and is claiming your possessions as her own, she’ll not be as likely to replace you as easily.

ladyofshertonabbas · 19/12/2025 18:23

It is a back handed compliment and I would feel a bit sad for her. She obviously wishes she had your life. What is her home like?

(also selfishly speaking, she has done something weird but if she is a good cleaner and doesn’t steal from you I’d be wanting to keep her!)

Thedownwardspiralpath · 19/12/2025 18:23

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:53

See, I think this is what’s stopping me going absolutely nuts at her. Without sounding like a complete knob, our situations really are very different. I do have a lovely house and get a lot of compliments on it. It’s large and probably quite “Instagrammable”. Plus my decor is quite cool. I could see why someone who not in the best position would want people to think they have something really lovely.

(I appreciate I do sound like a complete knob).

But how long has she been pretending it’s her house ? Can you check her fb or other platforms. It’s a little unnerving 😬

EchoedSilence · 19/12/2025 18:23

How odd.

Soonenough · 19/12/2025 18:21

Nobody cleans well enough for that to be excused. Sack her.

FreeTheOakTree · 19/12/2025 18:21

She wouldn't be stepping foot in my home again. In fact I wouldn't give her a heads up, and would get the keys back tonight!

She cannot be trusted in any way. Retrieve the keys, change the alarm code, then inform her that she is no longer needed.

NarnianQueen · 19/12/2025 18:21

I’d get a friend to comment “oh wow that looks exactly like my friend deadlydead’s house!”

Make her squirm!

DDivaStar · 19/12/2025 18:19

Its dishonest abd crossed a line. I would be concerned about blurred boundaries if she thinks its ok.

I would drop her a message asking her to remove the post and not photograph your house again. Then just see how she reacts.

If it ends badly itd because of her actions not yours.

Ilovepastafortea · 19/12/2025 18:19

I'm afraid that I'd be cancelling her next visit & never book her again.

notnorman · 19/12/2025 18:19

My friends cleaner stole her identity and had several credit cards and loans in her name.
I would tell her not to come again. That’s not normal behaviour.

Moveoverdarlin · 19/12/2025 18:18

This is extremely sinister behaviour. I would one hundred percent get rid.

I would also change the locks and alarm code asap.

If this is what she posts on social media, imagine what she gets up to in secret. Pictures of your house could be being pinged to anyone. Keys could be being cut, alarm code shared. I’d be fucking livid.

Buffypaws · 19/12/2025 18:17

I see how you’re feeling bad for her because honestly who does this… but it’s really quite bad and she needs to know. It’s just so intrusive.

separately I really want to see all this cool decor now please post the pics

Moggies3 · 19/12/2025 18:16

'Wow!!! LOVE the decs !!! They're a carbon copy of mine... oh wait!! They actually ARE mine!!'

Then message her with the screenshots making sure that the FB Group in showing, ask her to drop your keys off, pay what you owe her and tell her she's sacked.

Message, don't phone her
Proof and all that jazz

Baby2duejuly2026 · 19/12/2025 18:16

The first thing I thought of is this woman has keys to your house and knows your alarm… how do you know that no one else she knows might have this information and has been in your home taking photos?

I think you’re absolutely mad to not question this the moment you saw the post. Anyone that can let this go is beyond weird imo

CautiousLurker2 · 19/12/2025 18:14

I’d report to Facebook on grounds that these are photos of your home and a breach of privacy and ask the to remove them.

MelancholyEnchantment · 19/12/2025 18:13

I'd feel that's a breach of trust and privacy. I'd tell her to take the posts down and then get her to post your keys back whilst still arranging for the locks to be changed. She sounds a bit strange and if she tries getting into your house using her set of keys after asking for them to be posted back there would be no doubt in anyone's mind that she is doing so against your wishes.

I wouldn't be surprised if she's posted before about "her" beautiful home/lifestyle.

Sturmundcalm · 19/12/2025 18:13

I wouldn't be bothered about the breach of privacy given that you can't be linked to the photos but the single white female-ness of it all would make me sack her... you happen to have seen these photos, what else has she been up to???

QuestionableMouse · 19/12/2025 18:13

I'm currently working as a private housekeeper and this is a massive breach of both your privacy and your trust. It's also incredibly weird of her to do it.

Rosscameasdoody · 19/12/2025 18:13

Sack her now. You absolutely do not want this woman having the keys to your home and your alarm code. As a poster mentioned upthread, watch the film single white female.

MouseCheese87 · 19/12/2025 18:12

A friend of mine once posted my baby scan on Facebook and pretended it was hers' for days before coming clean and passing off as a joke. In your situation I'd also be pissed off and ask her to delete it.

ginasevern · 19/12/2025 18:12

Yep, that's creepy as fuck.

Swallowdoubleandrunamile · 19/12/2025 18:12

Annoyed?
I'd be furious. I would be around there to retrieve my keys tonight.
Alarm code changed and she'd be sacked.
I'm really shocked that people think it's funny, or are concerned about her self-esteem.
She doesn't get to visit her issues on OP.
Absolute piss take.

Kamek · 19/12/2025 18:12

I'd sack her for that!

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