Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

Eh? @Mropalsmusic My point was that YOU are imposing your interpretation of other people's empathy on them. I was trying to figure out why you couldn't understand that their empathy could be genuine. I can accept that other people might react differently or have a different perspective, what I don't agree with is telling other people that their empathy is a facade.

Yes, I said that telling OP to buy a gift and give her a bonus was silly but a lot of the posts calling for more compassion are in response to the exaggerated and, a lot of the time, just spiteful suggestions.

I agree there have been lots of measured posts too, but even if a poster expressed that they wouldn't have fired the cleaner, that's a perfectly acceptable opinion to share and doesn't equate to minimising OPs feelings, it's just sharing a different perspective.
It's possible that reading posts from people who wouldn't be raging and fuming, might have helped OP too. Maybe her initial feelings of discomfort would soften, she'd have a conversation with the cleaner and trust could be rebuilt, or maybe not. Whatever. But it's not unreasonable to think have empathy for someone, even if they've wronged you.

Too many posters are quick to get whipped up and resort to spite for the sake of it, and that's why it's good to have other posters balancing it out.

My goodness @SouthLondonMum22, I don't really know how else I can phrase it to help you understand. I wasn't saying that it's callous to fire someone who's overstepped your boundaries in your home. It isn't hard.
We are talking about a different poster's suggested handling of the situation. I am saying it was unnecessary and there is no need to handle it in a way like that. "Why should someone have compassion and empathy"? What a question to ask. Fucking hell. Why not? How about, without the shock of something terrible clouding your judgement, there's not really an excuse for treating people badly? and again I'm not saying OP is treating anyone badly. That is purely a response to your question.

I don't think the cleaner is automatically lacking compassion or empathy either. She overstepped, I doubt she did it through lack of empathy for OP..what??

Okay I won’t even go into all that but as briefly as I can - no it’s not about lack of empathy or a limited worldview! Just because someone thinks differently from YOU it also doesn’t mean their worldview is narrow, and it’s maybe you who needs to reflect and expand your mind?

My point is it is about compassion for the Op to realise saying to her “just buy her a gift or nice bonus or don’t mention it” etc are ludicrous and insensitive and unrealistic. They are not suggestions which really consider the OP’s safety.

There have been posters who have said yes she may be going through something, but equally you are right to end the contact and change the locks.

And that to me is more measured - but I was talking more about the ones specifically who have just steamed in and disregarded OPs understandable discomfort and focused on minimising the cleaners actions and even insulting the OP.

Where was the cleaners compassion and empathy? She clearly didn't give those things a second thought so why should OP do so?

I would've fired her instantly and no, I don't think that's callous. If you don't want to be fired just before Christmas, don't do something untrustworthy in a job that requires a lot of trust. It isn't hard.

"yes you sound really deep with your snarky response 😂

I still stand by my original assertion - many of these suggestions are absolutely ludicrous and not the type you’d hear irl in most cases. Some people just say anything online but yes I think there are some who are similar to the cleaner and this is why they’re saying “smile and take it as a compliment”

Honestly the ones excusing her and minimising these actions don’t look kind or empathetic. That may be their aim but it’s not working. They need to have more compassion for the Op if anything who is the wronged party in this."

A lot of the suggestions on BOTH sides are ludicrous. It's an issue of trust for the OP and that's fine, she's within her rights to protect her boundaries, particularly in her own home. But a lot of the responses trying to whip OP up are just spiteful and unnecessary.
Yes, the suggestion to buy the cleaner a gift was also silly, but just having empathy or simply not finding it a big deal, isn't ludicrous at all. Perhaps you're just unable to accept that other people might feel differently about things.
To be clear, because lots on here will take the sentence about some people not finding it a big deal and twist it into a jibe at the OP, I'm not telling OP that she should disregard her personal boundaries.
But I'll also be clear that having empathy for the cleaner ≠ "excusing and minimising" her actions. Maybe you lack the capacity to show compassion to those who've done wrong and that's why you read empathetic comments in that way...but that's your interpretation. That's you. And those are your words. I know that I'm able to feel empathy whilst also acknowledging someone is wrong, so perhaps you could try to expand your outlook instead of imposing your narrow world view on other peoples opinions @Mropalsmusic

I would 100% be advertising for a new cleaner 😂

"Compassion for what? The only person to blame for her actions is herself. If she didn't want to be fired then she didn't have to lie when trust is such an important part of her job.

She didn't do something as extreme as cooking OPs cat in a pie and feeding to her either but at the same time, simply saying that she posted a few pictures dismisses how unsettling and creepy it must've been for OP to come across the FB post, not to mention wondering if she's ever done anything like this before."

Ok @SouthLondonMum22 I will say it clearly, since you keep missing the point. The post you were replying to was a response to a different poster, not the OP, suggesting a particularly callous way of handling the situation. Neither that post nor mine was suggesting that OP wasn't being compassionate or that she was cruel.
Neither was I minimising or "dismissing" anything. The point I was making when I said that the cleaner hadn't done something extreme, was that had she done something like killing the cat, sometimes people will react on emotion, make rash or spiteful decisions or seek revenge..so in pointing out that it wasn't this sort of occasion I was saying that it's very possible for a grown woman to react in an appropriate way, that upholds OPs boundaries without the added cruelty. And that was in response to a specific posters suggestion, not the OP. Do you see now?

And yet again, nobody is saying that she isn't responsible for her own actions. That doesn't mean she should be deprived of compassion. Having compassion ≠ actions not having consequences. I hope most people have the capacity to have empathy for others, even ones they disagree with.

yes you sound really deep with your snarky response 😂

I still stand by my original assertion - many of these suggestions are absolutely ludicrous and not the type you’d hear irl in most cases. Some people just say anything online but yes I think there are some who are similar to the cleaner and this is why they’re saying “smile and take it as a compliment”

Honestly the ones excusing her and minimising these actions don’t look kind or empathetic. That may be their aim but it’s not working. They need to have more compassion for the Op if anything who is the wronged party in this.

Well Op obviously had some time to consider and changed her mind when she woke up and was thinking about checking the cctv which showed that she was unsettled by it and had no trust left in the cleaner.

I don't understand why it takes 30 or 40 pages of strangers commenting on situations where a direct question and conversation between the two people concerned can settle most things.

Exactly, it is fine to post a suggestion as it as an open forum, but you were the one saying why does it take 30-40 pages of comments when a chat could have settled things. That is why I stated she has already made up her minds before “30 pages of comments”

And ultimately it doesn’t really matter how many pages of comments were posted before she made her decision. It’s absolutely fine to seek advice on MN hence the point of these threads. As a pp said the amount of posts only tells you how popular a thread is on MN it doesn’t necessarily mean you needed “40 pages of comments”

The course of action may have seemed obvious or easy to you but it wasn’t to OP initially. Hence she posted. Everyone’s different. Not sure why that’s difficult to understand.

Major invasion of privacy. I absolutely would sack her.

It’s a similar scenario to what happened but without directly saying to the cleaner that you know, this gives the maid the opportunity to mention what she’s done and also what the result is likely to be

Compassion for what? The only person to blame for her actions is herself. If she didn't want to be fired then she didn't have to lie when trust is such an important part of her job.

She didn't do something as extreme as cooking OPs cat in a pie and feeding to her either but at the same time, simply saying that she posted a few pictures dismisses how unsettling and creepy it must've been for OP to come across the FB post, not to mention wondering if she's ever done anything like this before.

As I've already explained some people find confronting issues like this extremely difficult and would prefer just to avoid explaining our discussing it. It isn't bizarre, it's actually quite normal to avoid confrontation like this.

What is it that gives you the impression this person is vulnerable? And yes I am always to the point to blatant liars which is what this person is

I would have 100% hearted the post and left it at that. Imagine her seeing that notification from you and now knowing that you know what she has done 😅🤣

"You can't do whatever you like just because you may be 'vulnerable'.

Actions have consequences."

Err where did that poster suggest that vulnerable should be allowed to do whatever they like or that actions don't have consequences @SouthLondonMum22?

You're arguing against an imaginary comment.

All they were saying is that the post they were replying to was cruel and unnecessary. Just because somebody wrongs you doesn't give you free rein to do whatever you like in return and it doesn't mean you're barred from having any compassion. Even if you need to cut ties or whatever. The woman posted a few pictures, she didn't cook OPs cat in a pie and feed it to her, there's no need to go overboard.
Don't forget AcTiOnS hAvE cOnSeqUeNCeS 😁

I would be concerned that she was planning to use your house for a party while you were away.

When my cleaner regularly started leaving 15 mins early I spoke to her about some extra tasks she could do and she took huge offence to that saying I don’t think she can clean well. She was an excellent cleaner but over the month that was an hour and the jobs I had were still cleaning.

Anyway she had my keys but she fell out with me and then I just asked for my keys back.

I would report the posts to FB, as well as getting the keys back and not using her again. What an extremely sad thing to happen. Depressing. Sorry this happened to you, op.

"Exactly there have been a few posters in particular who have filled this thread with posts saying the most absurd things to minimise this and excuse her. They are either like this themselves or they think they look good by saying they would let it go."

Oh yes. Absolutely. It couldn't possibly be that they simply have a different opinion or thought process to you, they're just saying things to look kind.
And they couldn't possibly have formed an opinion unless they are "like this themselves". I know I can't empathise with anybody unless I have the exact same experience as them. If I disagree with someone, even slightly, all my humanity and empathy goes out the window.

Deep as the ocean @Mropalsmusic aren't you? 😂

I think this is the most sensible solution. I would be honest that I’d seen the posts, recognised my home in the photos and ask why she did it. OP needs to explain that it’s a breach of trust and an invasion of privacy which has made her very uncomfortable given that the cleaner has keys, and free access when OP is not home.

If she’s been found out doing this, what else is she up to that OP doesn’t know about ? This would be my problem and for that reason I do think that in addition to asking her to take down the posts and delete the photos, I would frame it as a verbal warning, and make it clear that any similar incidents will result in dismissal.

What makes you think she’s vulnerable ? This is a matter of trust and she’s breached it. She’s posted photos of the interior of someone else’s home without their permission and has passed it off as her own - going to some lengths to do it. It gives off creepy vibes and I’m not sure I would want someone like this to have the keys to my home and the run of the place. Vulnerability doesn’t come into it.

You can't do whatever you like just because you may be 'vulnerable'.

Actions have consequences.

Indeed. Clearly something isn't right with her if she's done this and whether you should feel sorry for her or scared of her doesn't really change that the trust has gone and you can no longer have her in the house.

We had a cleaner steal an item of jewellery from us. She would have had to open a drawer in our bedroom, rummage around and take the rings out of a box. It turned out we weren't the first people it had happened to once I reported it. So really you no Inger know what she is capable of.

There is evidence that she could be unhinged. No real evidence that she is vulnerable. Even if she is, it doesn’t justify what she did.