Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Busybeemumm · 19/12/2025 19:04

Even if you feel sorry for her, this has crossed a line and i wouldn't be able to trust her again.

Busybeemumm · 19/12/2025 19:03

Just when I was thinking of getting a cleaner!

MakeMineStrong · 19/12/2025 19:03

I’d certainly take back keys! She might USE your home as hers in future. So weird.

dentalflosser · 19/12/2025 19:02

Sarkykitty · 19/12/2025 18:55

I’d be worried about her having keys when I’m away and her bringing people back to ‘her’ house… she sounds unhinged I’d have to sack her off.

Wasn’t there a thread a few weeks ago where a cleaner had been caught out doing exactly this? I can’t think for the life of me what it was called though.
I think you summed it up perfectly sarkykitty. It’s a huge risk.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:02

Annielou67 · 19/12/2025 19:00

You have to let her go. If she has donethat - what else has she done? What else might she do?

Bit dramatic. She’s not likely to strip the house of all the furnishings when the OP is out shopping.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:00

momtoboys · 19/12/2025 18:50

I don't think you sound like a knob. I kind of feel sorry for her. She obviously has less materially than you do and she wants people to think se has more than she actually has.

Agreed.
Show some Christmas kindness OP and let it go. Maybe give her a nice big bonus so she can treat herself.

Annielou67 · 19/12/2025 19:00

You have to let her go. If she has donethat - what else has she done? What else might she do?

Efrogwraig · 19/12/2025 19:00

Did she think you wouldn't find out?
Invasion of your privacy. Ask her to take it down. If she won't then you part company.

BoredZelda · 19/12/2025 18:59

zipadeedodah · 19/12/2025 17:32

I'd comment on it - something like - oh WOW that looks amazing

Yep. It would t bother me one bit but I’d have some fun with her about it.

”looks fabulous, exactly the same as mine”

HerNeighbourTotoro · 19/12/2025 18:58

Is she hoping to drum up more business showing off a perfect home, or maybe hoping to be an influencer? Id be inclined to comment and definitely message her. I probably would be looking for a new cleaner...

Timeforanamechangeagain2 · 19/12/2025 18:57

She’s really crossed a line here. Inappropriate and creepy.

Sarkykitty · 19/12/2025 18:55

I’d be worried about her having keys when I’m away and her bringing people back to ‘her’ house… she sounds unhinged I’d have to sack her off.

Newsenmum · 19/12/2025 18:52

posting the photos is bad enough but she could have said it’s a friend’s. Pretending it was hers is very very off.

pinkyredrose · 19/12/2025 18:51

MouseCheese87 · 19/12/2025 18:12

A friend of mine once posted my baby scan on Facebook and pretended it was hers' for days before coming clean and passing off as a joke. In your situation I'd also be pissed off and ask her to delete it.

Fucking hell! What the fuck was meant to be the 'joke'!

Newsenmum · 19/12/2025 18:51

It makes me think she’s mentally unwell and I feel sorry for her but do not trust her at all. Is she also borrowing your clothes?

Newsenmum · 19/12/2025 18:50

This is really off op. Makes
me wonder what else she’s doing.
And she shouldnt be ‘sensitive’ to yoy kindly telling her how to clean your house. You are a client and she is paying you.

Are you a tired mum of 3 or is she?

CunningLinguist2 · 19/12/2025 18:50

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

MASSIVE breach of your privacy!!!

momtoboys · 19/12/2025 18:50

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:53

See, I think this is what’s stopping me going absolutely nuts at her. Without sounding like a complete knob, our situations really are very different. I do have a lovely house and get a lot of compliments on it. It’s large and probably quite “Instagrammable”. Plus my decor is quite cool. I could see why someone who not in the best position would want people to think they have something really lovely.

(I appreciate I do sound like a complete knob).

I don't think you sound like a knob. I kind of feel sorry for her. She obviously has less materially than you do and she wants people to think se has more than she actually has.

Flowerlovinglady · 19/12/2025 18:48

Your post is one of the reasons why I don't have a cleaner. This is one of those situations where only you can make the call. For me, it would be immediate - there is no way I would have this lady in my home taking photos (even if she never posts them anywhere) and with a set of keys to my house. It is a complete invasion of privacy. It's your call - either call her out on it and accept you might end up cleaning your own home whilst you seek a replacement or accept that your home is essentially fair game. My choice is not in doubt - but the question for you is what do you value most, a spotless home/freedom from time spent cleaning OR privacy.

AngelicKaty · 19/12/2025 18:47

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:53

See, I think this is what’s stopping me going absolutely nuts at her. Without sounding like a complete knob, our situations really are very different. I do have a lovely house and get a lot of compliments on it. It’s large and probably quite “Instagrammable”. Plus my decor is quite cool. I could see why someone who not in the best position would want people to think they have something really lovely.

(I appreciate I do sound like a complete knob).

No, you don't sound like a knob, you're just being honest for context, it's fine.
YANBU to be annoyed and I'd be rather stunned by this too - it's so odd that it didn't even occur to her that you might see her posts.😳
I do think you could send her a private message along the lines of "I'm not really annoyed [because you are a bit], but can I ask why you did this please?" This may risk losing her services because she's just too embarrassed to come back (or maybe she'll style it out?) but I couldn't let this go without saying something.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 18:47

folliaqoui · 19/12/2025 18:44

How do you know she has low self esteem? Maybe she's just entitled and oblivious.

If she had good self-esteem then she wouldn’t feel the need to pass someone else’s decorations off as her own. She would be satisfied enough with her own life.

folliaqoui · 19/12/2025 18:46

MummyJ36 · 19/12/2025 18:40

If a friend did this would you think it was ok? Or someone who came to fix your plumbing / do your garden etc? I’m guessing not. I actually think what she did was incredibly unprofessional and you should call her out on it. You can do it politely but I think she has crossed a line. I have a cleaner who I really like and respect but if she took pictures of my house and put it online pretending it was her own then I would not hesitate to ask her what on earth she was doing!

I would sack my cleaner if she took ANY pictures on her mobile of my house. It's a complete breach of trust and privacy.

folliaqoui · 19/12/2025 18:44

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 18:41

I feel a bit sorry for the cleaner as she obviously has low self esteem to pretend as she is.
Id take it as a compliment OP and wouldn’t humiliate her by bringing it up with her. You don’t want to lose a good cleaner after all.

How do you know she has low self esteem? Maybe she's just entitled and oblivious.

TooHotWaterBottle · 19/12/2025 18:44

It obviously wasn’t done with any mal intent, a she obviously wants the attention…but posting photos of your home IS a big breach of trust.

LilWoosmum82 · 19/12/2025 18:44

flutterby1 · 19/12/2025 17:38

It’s a back handed compliment but she has to go, for reasons I’ve not worked out yet!

Yep im with @flutterby1 i would be stalking her fb to find out if this is the first time or she has posted other stuff. Bit too odd and icky for me im afraid. I'd try to be sympathetic, but yep gons